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Happy Holidays My Ass!
Here's how my xmas went - I find out my grandmother is having a family party this Saturday, my aunt and uncle will be there, both my sisters and my brother - the only one who isn't invited is me. I could hear my mother inviting my sister to this thing and my brother had already told me about it. But apparently, my grandmother didn't want to have a huge party so I got left out, yet again, the oldest, unmarried daughter - she's not important. The same thing happened for her 85th birthday party in August, only then my family decided for me that I didn't have enough money to make the long 45 minute drive to where it was being held. Why do I even bother with my family anymore? Other holiday highlights: Seeing my other uncle and his wife and their kids, who I hadn't spoken to in over a year (they have feuded with me, my sister, my brother and my parents at some point). They were both very friendly and I took a quick drive over to their place to see their new lakefront house, etc. So that feud is over, which was actually a big relief. Taking a huge sip of the home-made red wine my dad bought 24 bottles of from The Knights of Columbus and noticing, too late of course, that it reeked of vinegar. The best part is that my dad doesn't drink much so he saves the wine for when us kids visit. Oh joy! Escaping the zoo that was my parent's house on xmas night and going over to my Aunt Carrie's to drink wine and smoke drugs. I think I was hallucinating at one point... My mother telling all of us: "Let's really enjoy christmas because it's probably the last peaceful one we'll have in years." I shuddered when she said it. And a Happy New Year Let's hope it's a good one Without any fear" John Lennon & Yoko Ono
Elryano asks the age-old question that's so popular at this time of year...
I don't know if anyone has talked about this yet or not, but an environment group is using Jesus to try to get people to stop buying SUV's and other polluting vehicles. The slogan is WWJD? What Would Jesus DRIVE.  I'm still not sure what I think of that.
First off do you really think if Jesus comes back that he really will be buying a car? Much less driving it himself? Hell no, I think he will be in a limo. In the back, legs stretched out. And what about the people who don't believe in Jesus? Isn't it bad when an advertising campaign is done that excludes whole groups of people? Or do they plan on switching it up, depending on the area they are in, like WWJD, What Would Jews Drive? I'm not sure what they would myself, but I got to figure it wont be German made. I will say though,that this campaign has made me think about what it would be like to go on a road trip with Jesus: ME: "Hey Jesus, we better stop, we're on empty!" Jesus: *Smiling* No we're not, look again." Me: "It's full,you just turned water into unleaded!" Jesus: "Do you still doubt me? Do you still doubt that I can get this car to San Francisco on one tank of gas?" Me: "Jesus,should we stop for food?" Jesus: "No, I got these two fishes and five loaves, we'll be fine." So then you have to ask yourself,if these people can get away with using Jesus to sell their beliefs or promote their product, what to stop other companies from using Jesus in their ads? Like for instance: "Just do it...Jesus." "With a name like Jesus, it's got to be good!" "Please don't squeeze the Jesus." Now, don't get mad at me I don't think that going too far, because really, do you want people squeezing your savior? And you know they will, I mean one touch from the hem of his robe could cure you, plus he's just so damn huggable. "Jesus: Curiously Strong" And one for the Catholics: "Jesus: it's what's for dinner!" highrock.com/personal/WWJD/ whatwouldjesusdrive.org/
Plug me in & enjoy the silence
 No, I'm not going to write about vibrators. Before giving birth to my beautiful baby girl, I received a gift from my boss which included several glorious soaps and lotions from Bath & Body Works. BeX and I love these smelly treats, and have often complained that B&B has no stores in Canada. After today, though, I'm thinking that could be a good thing.
I just read where a company has recalled about 13,000 pacifiers sold at Bath & Body Works stores nationwide. The pacifier's nipple can separate from the base, posing a choking hazard. (Yet another benefit to breastfeeding. My nipples tend to pretty much stay put.) According to a press release, the words "Plug me in & enjoy the silence" are printed on both the pacifier clip and packaging. Ah yes, the eternal silence that only death can bring... Suck this, corporate America!!
Wah wah wah!
No posts in more than two weeks and still I have Little To Say. I did, however, come up with an idea for a new book that I want to start working on and got a deal on Sim City 3000. It's just a building game but I got it for $10 - evil Walmart had mispriced it! WOOT! I also noticed that the greeters at Walmart have turned into security guards. They no longer say hello and smile when you walk in, they give you a dirty look. And when you leave, they search all your bags. It's enough to make me boycott them yet again.
IT'S A GIRL!
Whe gave birth at 11:20 this morning to a healthy baby girl! The little tyke weighed in at 7 pounds, 11 ounces. Mother and baby are resting comfortably and should be home tomorrow morning. Mr. and Mrs. Whe and Mini Whe are thrilled and I can't stop smiling!
Swollen But Impressed
 Ed Belfour proved his worth to the Toronto Maple Leafs last night (stopping all 33 shots against him) as the Leafs massacred the Pittsburgh Penguins 6-0 in the first game of their regular season. Belfour was booed by Leaf fans at the ACC during pre-season play, I guess they felt he didn't measure up to Curtis Joseph, who (fucking traitor) signed with The Detroit Red Wings this past summer. I felt that behaviour like booing Belfour, especially during pre-season, was deplorable. I mean Belfour is not only a Stanley Cup Champion (with the Dallas Stars in 1999), he has also won the Vezina Trophy (best goaltender in the NHL) twice and the Calder Memorial Trophy (NHL rookie of the year). Curtis Joseph has never won any of these awards.
I have always had an affinity with goalies which started with my huge crush on Mike Palmateer when I was 10 years old. I also always felt goalies were kind of "out there alone". Sure, they're part of a team, but they have basically the most important job, keep that damn puck out of the net. Generally, I don't think goalies get enough credit. Belfour impressed me last night, I like him. I just hope an injury doesn't put him on the sidelines anytime soon. And speaking of injuries... Yesterday my friend Ron came for a visit. I went outside to look for him and saw him parking his SUV. Whe's son (Mini-Whe) ran outside with me. By the time Ron got to the door, Whe was there to say hi as well, she opened the door and the damn dog ran outside then proceeded to take off on us, as per usual. Mini-Whe and I ran after her but she never listens to Whe and I and (believe it or not) I actually panicked a bit as she edged closer and closer to a busy road. Ron finally decided to give it a try, called her and she ran right to him. Fuckin' dog... As we strolled along a paved, sloped pathway I picked up Mini-Whe. A couple of seconds later, one of my platform shoes gave out and I twisted my ankle and fell to the ground, Mini-Whe in my arms. I tried to get my hand under his head as we fell but was too late. All I could hear was a crunching sound as his head hit the pavement. I knew I was injured but I could have cared less. I picked up the little guy and saw a bump actually growing on his head. It reminded me of a Bugs Bunny cartoon when someone gets hit with a mallet and the bump just kind of pops out of their head. Mini-Whe was crying and scared (ditto for me) but Whe said he would be alright. She applied ice to his head and he was smiling a few minutes later. I had whacked my knee and it was bleeding, as were knuckles on both my hands. I washed them off but was more concerned about the three-year-old. Last night I noticed my knee was quite swollen and it's even worse today. But hell, with the way Belfour played last night, better me than him...
EZboard is down. BeX is going nuts. I'm trying to figure out YaBB. In the meantime, I set this alternaboard up: 
Bravenet is still in business! Who knew?
We Are Damn Serious About Our Hockey
 It seems the CBC doesn't agree and after two weeks of contract negotiations they issued a terse press release the other day saying that MacLean was no longer with the company. WTF? I was so pissed off. And it seems, I am not alone. Fans are absolutely outraged, the CBC has received more than 3,000 angry emails and telephone calls demanding they renegotiate with MacLean. People have picketed the CBC in downtown Toronto. One guy even brought his TV down and smashed it to pieces with a hockey stick, saying he absolutely will not watch Hockey Night In Canada if MacLean is not hosting it. Hey, like I said, we Canadians are serious about our hockey. Here's what other Canadians have to say about Ron MacLean on the CBC website. All the public protesting seems to be working as the CBC announced this afternoon that it will resume negotiations with MacLean on Thursday. Whe thinks it's all a CBC publicity stunt. I think I agree with one of the comments on the CBC website: "QUIT PLAYING GAMES AND JUST GET RON BACK YOU FOOLS!!!"
 I, Dubya: So United States' Emperor George W. Bush is determined to attack Iraq come hell or high water. The rest of the world is basically crying out "NO WAR!" as strongly and as loudly as possible (with the exception of Bush's Shadow, British PM Tony Blair), but it seems old Dubya ain't listening.
"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." —George W. Bush, Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002. I can imagine Saddam Hussein was shaking in his boots when he heard that one, that is, if he could understand it. Meanwhile, Iraq is accusing the United States of wanting a war for no reason other than taking over their vast oil fields.  Well no shit. But it seems obvious the U.S. is after more than oil. It's no secret that Dubya and company want to oust Saddam so they can set up another little puppet regime for themselves, just like the one they've got going in Afghanistan. All this empire-building seems vaguely familiar - especially to anyone who has studied ancient history, specifically ancient Roman history.
Which has got me wondering - were Roman Emperor's just as moronic as Dubya? Take Caligula (37-41 A.D.) for example. Caligula used to invite his horse Incitatus to dinner at his home, where he would proceed to offer the horse golden barley and wine from golden goblets. He swore by the animal's life and fortune and even promised to appoint him consul, which luckily never came to pass as Caligula died shortly after that he made that promise. Claudius (41-54 A.D.) is another fine example of ancient Roman leadership. Claudius was the subject of frequent insults. When he took his usual after-dinner nap, those in his company would pelt him with olives and date stones. Others would put slippers on his hands as he lay snoring and then give him a sudden lash with a whip or cane to wake him up, so that he would end up rubbing his eyes with his slippers. I wonder if Cheney or Rumsfield have ever tried that trick on Dubya?! So as it turns out, Rome had a lot more in common with the United States than just empire building. And Dubya really should have studied Roman history because he would be aware of what happened to the Roman Empire in the end - sadly, it fell.
My baby's father came home this afternoon and noticed that I had the tea kettle set up and a tea bag in a cup, but absent-mindedly forgot to pour hot water into the cup. He wanted to know what the strange-looking teabag was, and I explained it was Red Raspberry Leaf tea, which helps tone the uterus and is good for childbirth. "I thought what we did last night helps tone the uterus," he said, in a rooster-like reminder that we had sex the night before. "No, I believe that tones the cervix, not the uterus. That's important too, though." "Glad to be of cervix," he said.
 Being A Receptionist Is A Pain In The Ass: If I didn't need the weekly salary so badly I would have quit my current job by now.
The girl who trained me, and who I am temporarily replacing while she helps out another department, is a snipey little bitch. She constantly betlittles me and basically gets pissed off anytime I do a good job at something she used to do. I really should tell her at some point that I will be quite happy to hand over her shitty job back once my temp contract there is over. There is always, always, ALWAYS some jackass up at your desk asking for something: "Can I have a notebook? Can I have a pen?" I'm dying to say: "Do I really have to open the locked supply cabinet just to get you a fucking pen?" And the phone won't ring for 20 minutes and then everyone decides to call at the same goddamn time, like 15 calls within two minutes. Here's how most calls usually go: "Can you page so-and-so?" When it turns out they don't answer the page. "I'm sorry, he didn't answer his page, I think he stepped out of the office." The answer: "Can you page him again?" My wishful response: "No, you fucking twat, your husband is not answering the page. Can you not wait until he gets home or do you have nothing better to do all day long?" My work day starts at 7 a.m. People who work there keep telling me I'll get used to the early hours. Getting up at 5:30 a.m. has never exactly been my thing. It's been three weeks and I'm not used to it yet. I don't want to get used to it. EVER. The very worst part of the job though is having to always ask someone to cover reception so I can take a piss. It reminds me of in the movie Shawshank Redemption where Red works in a grocery store and is constantly asking: "Bathroom break boss?" The manager gives him a funny look and says: "You don't have to ask my permission to take a piss?" I should be so lucky! Of course, then there's the security guard who was in before my shift last week who didn't bother to get permission and just pissed in the garbage can. Discovering the foamy yellow liquid in there that morning just added to my delight with the job. Because being a receptionist is not only a pain in the ass, it's a pain in the bladder.
The King's Still Dead, Long Live The King
 Today is the 25th Anniversary of Elvis dropping dead on his porcelain throne. It seems like yesterday when I was watching the news with my dad and the top story was "Elvis, Dead at 42". My father, a huge fan, was sitting in our living room in total shock. He had tears in his eyes when he yelled to my mother to come in the living room to see the news. It was quite the event in our household.
That's probably why Elvis has always been a guilty pleasure of mine. His music and especially his movies remind me of being a kid and getting together with my family. I've probably heard just about every Elvis song in my lifetime, including (unfortunately) his religious and Xmas songs. My favourite Elvis song has always been Suspicious Minds. I've probably seen the movie Blue Hawaii 10 times (it was my mom's favourite ). A couple of months ago, I saw a half hour of Kissin' Cousins - what a hokey pile of shit film that was. Apparently, thousands of people were expected to file past Elvis' grave at Graceland today. My friend Ron and I went six years ago. We wanted to go to what we considered the trashiest place in the U.S. (perhaps even the world). We took pictures of ourselves pretending to cry at his grave and made fun of all the trailer trash there. That tour sucks balls, by the way - they make you wear headphones and you don't even get to see the toilet Elvis dropped dead on - we were very disappointed.
My Lazy Days Are Over
 After more than nine months being unemployed, I finally got a job! It's a receptionist temp job but I've been told I'm basically guaranteed 3-6 months work. The job pays $12 an hour, a lot less than I've been accustomed to but after spending the last three weeks with NO money (my unemployment insurance ran out), that paycheck is going to come in handy. Woo hoo! I won't have to quit smoking!
The hours aren't 9 to 5, which I would actually enjoy, they are 7 to 4. How the hell I'm going to crawl out of bed at 5:30 every morning is beyond me. Maybe they won't care if I don't bother to shower before work! I am not a morning person at all. Somehow, I think I'll be envying the women in the movie Nine to Five, even if Dabney Coleman was an asshole! Which brings me to another big question: How soon before I begin really hating this job? I give it a week! But money's money and damn I NEED MONEY right now. I've gone through a lot of bullshit in the past couple of months. Two weeks ago I was offered a data entry temp job at a bank (the same one where I have an account). It was only $9 an hour, 30 hours a week, but as I've said, I needed the money! So I was told I had this job and then they did a credit check on me and rejected me for having a bad credit record! What the hell did they expect? I was unemployed for Christ's sake! The next week I started developing bad chest pains and had to go to a walk-in clinic. I was diagnosed with a really bad case of heartburn due to stress. Turns out I didn't need that job anyway - Royal Bank can kiss my ass! I'll be making an extra $150 a week thanks to the fact those fuckers rejected me! Obviously, I'll miss sleeping in everyday, hanging out with Whe's son all day long and the many other benefits of not having to work. But I won't miss that panicky feeling of wondering how I'm going to pay for my car and feeling like a total burden to just about everyone I know. I already feel like I'm worth something again!
The joy of passing gas
 From the fine people who brought you Everyone Poops...
We've been discussing potty training with my son now and again, but right now he is definitely not interested. Do you want to sit on the potty? "NO!" he shouts, like we just recommended he watch a special two-hour episode of American Idol. Then again, he's been saying 'no' to just about everything these days. And to think, he was such a positive two-year-old. Rarely grumpy or defiant. Now he's acting a little more like his parents. He has peed in his potty a few times, and we jump and cheer in response, like he just scored a winning touchdown. Once he's older, and taking solo trips to the bathroom, shitting will be such a letdown. Where's my applause?? Where's my positive support?? What, no audience? Screw this. Every little thing you teach your child could have such huge consequences. I'm a gentle, calm parent, who doesn't freak out easily. I think this will help save money in psychiatry bills down the line. But when it comes down to specifics, I worry a bit. If I don't potty train him right, he could turn into the next Ted Bundy. He could fling poo at his classmates in Kindergarten. Or worse yet, spell out "I hate my mother" in pee in the snow.
I hab a code too. Don't ask me how I got it. I SAID DON'T ASK!!
The World Is Treating Me Bad - Misery
 I've had a lousy sore throat all week which developed into a nasty head cold yesterday, just in time for my niece's first birthday party, which was held today. I love my sweet little niece, don't get me wrong, but my brother summed up today's party perfectly: "Every time we go to any get-together for Maddy it has to be a huge production with 50 people."
I mean, there are 6 members of our immediate family and my sis invited two of her good friends. So my brother-in-law (who has a big family to begin with) invited every single one of his friends. He spent most of the party drinking in the garage with his buddies. Their tiny townhouse was filled with at least 40 people. It was fucking ridiculous. My niece got so many presents that anything I bought was totally insignificant. I didn't even get to watch her open the presents I got her because there were so many people in front of me I couldn't even see anything. At least my brother-in-law's family and friends are nice, which is more than I can say for my own grandmother. She topped off a basically miserable day (admittedly, I would have had a better time if I hadn't been sick) quite nicely. She's not exactly known for her tact and I know I've been a disappointment to her, never having been married (she's called me an old maid since I turned 30) and without any kids. So as I was leaving she asked: "What did you do to your hair?" I reponded: "I coloured it, why, do you like it?" She made a disgusted face and emphatically said: "No." I just walked away from her. You gotta love getting together with family...
Halloween in July
 Elry reviews Halloween: Resurrection and, guess what? It sucked! This one not only has Jamie Lee Curtis, but also Busta Rhymes and Tyra Banks. Huh?
Up Cripple Creek
 For the first time in 10 months, I put in a full day's work. I signed up with a temp agency last week and today I spent eight hours stuffing and labeling envelopes and binders, standing up the whole time.
Sure, it was boring as hell, my back is fucking aching and I had to soak my feet in the tub for awhile, but I least I can actually say: "I worked today!" The best part - I get to go back not only tomorrow, but every day this week! I may be crippled by Monday...
The True North Strong and Free
 I have visited many places in this great country of mine, from St. John's, Newfoundland to Vancouver, British Columbia and since today is Canada's 135th Birthday, I just wanted to list some cool things that make me proud to be a Canadian.
The Music: The Tragically Hip, Neil Young, KD Lang, Gordon Lightfoot, Alanis Morisette, Tom Cochrane, Oscar Peterson, Crash Test Dummies, Leonard Cohen and Bob Wiseman. The People: The Kids In The Hall, The Royal Canadian Mounted Police, Jean Chretien, Dr. Henry Morgentaler, Peter Mansbridge, Moses Znaimer, Norm MacDonald, Jim Carrey, Mike Meyers, Margaret Atwood and Naomi Klein. The Sports: Our gold medal women's and men's hockey teams, The Toronto Maple Leafs, The Vancouver Canucks, the CFL, The Toronto Raptors, The Vancouver Grizzlies, The Montreal Expos and The Toronto Blue Jays. The Places: The majestic trees of Vancouver's Stanley Park, Montreal's old city section, the beautiful mountains in Jasper and Banff, Alberta, the rolling hills of St. John's and Toronto's CN Tower. The Freedoms: The right to vote (and where every vote is counted), the right to a legal abortion, free health care, a free and mainly uncensored press, the right to an attorney and a trial and freedom of speech. Happy Birthday Canada! I can't ever remember a time when I've been this proud to be a citizen.
The Land of The Indefinitely Incarcerated
 When I recently read the story of Shakir Baloch, a Canadian citizen who was unjustly imprisoned in the United States for seven months because of his Pakistani heritage and the colour of his skin, it reminded me of the Japanese incarcerations during the Second World War.
A doctor while living in Pakistan and son of a prominent politician, Baloch has been a Canadian citizen since 1994 and lives in Toronto. He had been working in New York as a taxi driver while he studied at the Columbia–Presbyterian Medical Centre in New York to recertify as a doctor in order to support his wife and teenage daughter. He was arrested in Queens, New York on September 20 in a post–9/11 frenzy in which more than 1,200 men, mostly of Arabic and Muslim background, were imprisoned in the United States. For months, his wife had no idea what had happened to him because he was denied the right to contact her or a lawyer. Of his seven months in prison, five were spent in solitary confinement in a small room that was under lights 24 hours a day. He said he was repeatedly interrogated about the events of September 11th. When he was able to go outside, he was in shackles. All this took place inside the Special Housing Unit of the Metropolitan Detention Centre in Brooklyn, a unit reserved for dangerous crimminals. He was finally released on April 15, 2002, after pleading guilty to a misdemeanour immigration charge and is banned from entering the United States for five years. Like he'd want to return... According to the Ontario Coalition Against Poverty : "We are entering a very dangerous understanding of civil society if disappearances of hundreds of men of Middle Eastern descent is becoming a silently acceptable norm." So it seems the majority of these men were arrested because of the colour of their skin. Perhaps the most injust and disgusting (but not surprising) part of all this is the fact that not ONE of the 800 people who have been detained in the Metropolitan Detention Center by the U.S. government has been charged with any terrorist crime. Read more in this week's online edition of The Village Voice.
 BUT WHAT ABOUT YA YA?? Elryano reviews Tom Cruise's latest blockbuster.
Anything for The TEAM!
 Whe and I have been participating in a Reality message board game, put together by our friend, and favourite movie reviewer, Elryano. The game consists of four tribes who compete in immunity and reward challenges. If you come in dead last you go to tribal council and vote fellow tribe members off - just like Survivor.  The teams' last challenge involved a Web Cam; one tribe mate per team had to do something very embarrassing on their cam, something that would bring them shame and dishonour. Well guess who is the only person with a cam on my team? Me, of course! The picture you see above is my pic of humiliation, but what the hell - it was for the team.
Most of the day on Sunday, I really had no clue what could be an embarrassing enough thing to do to actually win. We hadn't won an immunity challenge yet, we'd come close but DAMNIT we were determined to win one! I suddenly noticed the cheesehead Eigh's parent's had given to me for my birthday a month ago. Voila! It was the start of a plan! A few hours later I was sitting on the toilet, having a smoke and it came to me: Cheese - toe cheese! Just like that! Why most people tend to do their best thinking when they're sitting on the toilet I'll never know. I plan on keeping a notepad and pen in there at all times from now on. After I took the pic, and, incidentally, my toe actually tasted salty, I was still kinda nervous. I was wondering what the others would do to shame themselves and I wasn't sure if mine would be the worst. You see, I guess the thing I hadn't realized was that these judges don't know me. They have no idea that I'm completely shameless. Suckers. Today was a great day for our team, the Pickled Leeches - we not only won the reward challenge but my pic had also won us immunity, which meant we'd all still be in the game for another couple of days. There's a tribal council tomorrow night for the team that lost if you want to check it out. There's also lots of in-fighting among tribes (mainly mine but that's a whole other story) and a whole lot of suspense, just like on the televised version. Who will be the ultimate message board Survivor? I guess we'll know in a month or two...
Baby Boomers Can Kiss My Ass
I heard the song San Francisco on the radio the other day and thought about how the hippies had so many plans to change the world. What a generation of hypocrites. Sorry for being so bitter, it's just that my generation, unflatteringly called "Generation X" (those born between 1965 and 1980) is commonly defined as the “Postponement Generation” and described as 'indecisive, lacking in ambition and as having ‘few heroes, no anthems, no style to call its own’. In many ways, this is true and who can really blame us? The Baby Boomers got here first. They got all the choice jobs with the good money while the X-ers got whatever jobs (if any) were left over. In 1969, the Boomers were protesting the Vietnam War and fighting oppression and their parent's generation. They wanted to make the world a much better place. Then 10 years later, they turned around and voted for Ronald Reagan. What happened to peace, love and freedom? They traded it in for money, fancy cars and security. Fuck the Baby Boomers. Fuck them right up their fat, rich asses. That is all.
Who Else Is Scared?
 Every day it seems, India and Pakistan are getting closer to a full-fledged war. The really, really frightening part is that both countries possess enough nuclear weapons to kill millions of people. And those on both sides of the conflict don't seem to be concerned about nukes at all.
A colonel with the Indian army was quoted in Telegraph.co.uk as saying: "We were down in Gujarat after the earthquake. Nuclear war can't be worse than an earthquake." According to the University of Illinois (as reported on Independent.co.uk), a nuclear exchange between India and Pakistan would result in 17 million deaths in Pakistan, and 30 to 35 million in India. The impact on the rest of the world is "the stuff of nightmares". I've been following the daily events on Anti-War, an excellent site that actually makes your paranoid delusions even more paranoid and delusional. If a nuclear war between India and Pakistan does occur, I'm thinking it's going to open the floodgate for other smaller countries that have nuclear weapons. And the fallout will affect us all. An added note: Who stands to gain from an India/Pakistan war? Why, The Carlyle Group. Who is a Senior Advisor to this company? None other than George Bush Sr. Read more on Propaganda Matrix.
On The Road Again
 The Leafs continue their road trip against Carolina in Game Two on Sunday. They beat The Hurricanes 2-1 in Game One (yay!) tonight. Sean was basically told to hit the road on Survivor tonight and was voted out. And I've got a road trip of my own yet again, tomorrow. I feel happy and sad at the same time, which kinda sucks.
I've been in Wisconsin for a couple of days and it never seems long enough. When I arrive, it feels like I never left and when I step into my car tomorrow morning, it'll seem like I was never here. No more Kwik Trip, no more Piggly Wiggly (the name of that store still makes me giggle) and no more Eigh, at least for another month or two. I leave Wisconsin with a crystal ball (Eigh bought it for me for my birthday), a cheesehead (which his parents got me) and two new pairs of shoes, which I bought as a gift to myself. I had a great time as usual but it always has to end. I'm back on the road to Canada again tomorrow for the May 2-4 weekend.
Geez, Tolkien only wrote the book fifty years ago...
Is this a hoax or an example of political correctness gone crazy? The "Rename The Two Towers to Something Less Offensive Petition":
 At least the people at PetitionOnline.com have the brains to point out that the JRR Tolkien book, The Two Towers, the second book of The Lord of the Rings trilogy, was originally published in 1954. Still, a lot of people fell for it. Whether the original intent of the petition is sincere or not, some of the signatures are good for a laugh.
Signature 1084. matt beggs: THOSE INSENSITIVE BASTERDS. THE ATTACKS ON SEPTEMBER 11 HAVE AFFECTED ME VERY DEEPLY. IF THIS ASS HOLE IS ALLOWED TO KEEP THIS TITLE, I WILL KILL MYSELF. JESUS CHRIST, I STILL CANT LOOK AT THE NUMBER 11 WITH OUT CRYING. SEE, I'M CRYING RIGHT NOW. I'M ALSO TO AFRAID TO CALL THE POLICE. THEIR NUMBER (WHICH I WILL NAME XXX FOR NOW) SCARES ME, IF I WAS IN AN EMERGANCY, I WOULD NOT DIAL XXX FOR FEAR OF FARTHER RETALIATION FROM THOSE SCARY TERRORISTS. PLEASE TAKE THESE CORPORATE BASTERDS DOWN FOR EXPLOITING THE STILL OPEN WOUNDS OF PATRIOTIC AMERICANS EVERYWHERE. LONG LIVE THE GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD, WHICH I LIVE, AND WOULD DIE FOR. AMERICA!!!! w00t! ps. please save my internet access :D 1311. Madula Oblongata: In respect for 9/11 all buildings that stand beside each other must be destroyed! Soon we shall live only on the ground and destroy the earth in the meantime. For 9/11! 2264. Michael Flatley: Yes! I suggest it be renamed to 'Lord of the Dance' 1303. Kevin Turvey: My brothers are twins and quite short, as a kind of joke/play on words we (the family and a couple of friends) used to call them 'the Towering Twins', as a mark of respect we no longer refer to them as that, we have been forced to call them Osama and Omar. Which is their names. 1298. Rob Hapgood: I have to punish myself each time I get an erection as my proud phallus reminds me of Tower One 1291. Mr Stoat: PLEASE NOTE: We have just sent a time-traveller back to 1954. By the time you read this, the second book will have been instead published under the title "Another tedious pile of crap". This petition will soon disappear in a puff of temporal logic. 1290. Nigel Morris: I already boycotted The Lord of the Rings because of its obvious reference to hard, thrusting, dirty anal sex. And rings. 2833. NobblyJobbly: I agree it should be renamed to Towering Inferno 818. C. Hart: I think it would be best, in light of recent events, if the film was simply not shown at all. And by "recent events" I mean "that fucking awful first Lord of the Rings film." View the petition.
Webmaster
 Spider-man, Spider-man Does whatever a spider can Spins a web, any size Catches thieves, just like flies Look out! Here comes the Spider-man! Is he strong? Listen, Bud! He's got radioactive blood. Can he swing from a thread? Take a look overhead. Hey there, there goes the Spider-man! In the chill of night, At the scene of the crime Like a streak of light He arrives just in time Spider-man, Spider-man Friendly neighborhood Spider-man Wealth and fame, he's ignored Action is his reward To him, life is a great big bang-up Wherever there's a hang-up You'll find the Spider-man! Read the review.
Leafs Take Series 4-3
To all the New York Islanders fans who booed the Canadian anthem and set fire to our flag on Sunday night - HA HA HA HA HA! The next time you'll have a chance to cheer on your team will be next season. Serves you right. An email I received from my friend Ron (a rabid Leafs fan) today: May 1, 2002
Total Assholes
So far, in two different sports during the past week, American fans have booed the Canadian anthem. Last week it was Detroit Pistons basketball fans, just before they played the Toronto Raptors; Detroit Red Wings hockey fans also booed our anthem before they played the Vancouver Canucks. Tonight, there was booing as Oh Canada played just before the Toronto Maple Leafs played the New York Islanders. Yes, I realize it's happened before, and Canadian fans have been guilty of it in the past as well, but do these brainless fuckheads not realize our country is still in mourning for four soldiers an American pilot accidentally killed a week ago? It shows a lack of appreciation for Canada and a total lack of class. I hope they all choke on their Buds.
Bet On Black
Did anyone else stand up and cheer last night when John Carroll was voted off Survivor 4? Whe and I sure as hell did. I haven't had this much fun watching the popular reality show since Richard Hatch won the first one. It's interesting how the racists come out of the woodwork every season of Survivor. The message boards make it obvious who the racists are. I can't tell you how many assholes have written about how awful it is that Sean Rector (god forbid) has mentioned several times on the show that he's (gasp) black. Me, I'm rootin' for Sean. I didn't like him much at first, but he's growing on me and his comments at tribal council yesterday as he voted for John: "Check mate bro. Next time you're in Vegas, bet on black" endeared him to me for the rest of the season. Go Sean!
Goodbye, My Dear
Robert Urich died of cancer today. He was only 55 years old. I don't usually get upset when celebrities die, I mean, I don't know these people personally, so it never usually affects me one way or the other. With Urich it was a little different though and I had tears in my eyes this morning when I read of his death. You see, Urich was the first celebrity "man" I'd ever had a crush on, unlike some of the pretty boys I'd liked when I was really young, you know, guys like The Bay City Rollers, David Cassidy and his half brother Sean. I used to watch Vegas on my parent's crappy 17" black & white TV downstairs in the basement . It was on at 10 o'clock on Wednesday or Thursday night and I had to watch it in the basement by myself as no-one else in my family was "in love" with Urich like I was. I had such a huge crush on the actor that I used to fantasize in my head that I was a lot older and was Dan Tanna's girlfriend on Vegas. I never imagined my weekly Vegas viewing habit affected any other member of my family until one evening when I was headed downstairs to watch it: my father stopped me in the kitchen and asked where I was going. I told him and he asked me to go upstairs to bed instead. Of course I refused, even though I could see he was agitated. He stopped me and said: "I don't think your mother and I will ever get to get to go to bed together again." I'll never forget the look on his face when I glared at him and headed downstairs. I mean, he expected me to miss Vegas? No way was I gonna do that. I met Urich once, when I worked in downtown Toronto. Some woman I worked with told me they were shooting Spenser for Hire around the corner from our office, on Bond Street. So on my lunch hour, I ran right over there to catch a glimpse of him, which I did. There weren't too many people around and I didn't have anything to say to him, but I walked right beside him, turned my head and shot him my most dazzling smile and he smiled back. I walked away, beaming. I think I was glowing the rest of the day. Vegas was re-run again, when I was in my early 20s, on Fox every night one summer and of course I couldn't miss an episode. I was also a poor reporter living on my own for the first time and my only TV was, you guessed it - the CRAPPY 17" black & white TV my parents gave me when I moved out. I don't think I ever saw Vegas in colour. Watching it again brought me back to the good old days, sitting in my parent's basement enjoying the fantasy land I had created for myself when I was a kid, a bowl of popcorn on one side of me, a Pepsi on the other, no worries except for homework. So when I found out Robert Urich died today, I think a little piece of my childhood died with him.
Down Memory Lane
 Whe came home yesterday with a box filled with old black and white photographs, most of which we had developed ourselves, in the darkroom at college.
One of the funniest pics we found was from when we met and interviewed the presidents of The Monkees fan club, Rick Wharton and Tyrone Biljan. We tape recorded the interview and when we listened to it later that evening, we noticed that anytime Wharton wasn't the center of the conversation, he was either humming or loudly tapping on the edge of the table. What an ego this guy had.  So I wasn't too surprised when I was watching MuchMusic about 5 years ago and Whe pointed out the "Conspiracy Guy" as being none other than Wharton. He looked a little different (I hadn't seen him in 10 years) and was actually kinda funny playing that character. I guess I was happy for him as I'm pretty sure he'd always wanted to be a celebrity, although he was obviously only a "b" celebrity. He's even got his own website.
Lately, though, Wharton has been on these extremely annoying TV ads for nicorette gum, featured as the ex-smoker sitting in an office meeting, dying for a smoke. He looks bloated and old. When we first saw the ad together, Whe and I looked at each other, the same question in both our minds. Do we look that old? Nah. Wharton was at least 2 or 3 years older than us, at least I'm pretty sure...
Welcome to my nightmare
 Yes, Jesus loves me, the lylenorg tells me so.
I haven't been on the computer much lately. Dealing with in-laws since my father's death has proven to be a complete nightmare. I'm so tired of the fighting. To make matters more complicated (but much brighter) I'm pregnant, and expecting my second baby in October. Lord help me get through all this in one piece.
You're A Mean One, Rebecca X
 As I was emptying my ice-cube trays into the sink the morning I moved out of one of the most financially nightmarish situations of my life, I couldn't help but think of The Grinch. Not the Jim Carrey feature film, mind you, but the classic Boris Karloff narrated half hour cartoon. After all, that's basically who I was being accused of being by my room-mate. She didn't exactly call me The Grinch, she called me a leech, in a pathetic little note I found on the kitchen counter one evening last week. There I was, living in a house with a (now former) friend and her 11-year-old daughter, paying half the rent and half the utilities, I was barely ever home and I was a leech.
In January, I asked my ex-friend and room-mate if it was OK to move out at the end of March; I couldn't afford the rent and high utility costs anymore because I was unemployed, I wanted to live alone and she had been constantly harping that she wanted someone else to move in so the rent could be split three ways. I was actually expecting a huge argument that night but met with no resistance. I should have known to expect it though when, in February, I'd asked her if she'd found anyone to move in and found out she hadn't even put an ad in the paper yet. Stupid bitch. I have no doubt that everything would have been fine if she'd found someone else to move in. Instead, two weekends ago, I was at home cleaning out my cat's litterbox and she asked me when she could get money for half the utility bills. I replied that I would work it out, factoring in her half of the phone bill and half the internet costs. She countered by saying she barely ever used the internet so of course I said I was never home, and asked why I was paying half the utility bills then? I told her she was getting a great deal, having me paying half of everything for her and her daughter, so why would she complain about paying half of an internet bill? Like the wimp that she is, she backed off and instead left me a note, telling me I was being "very unreasonable. If you had to pay for someone to look after your cat it would probably cost you more than what you owe me." Of course, she didn't mention the countless times I babysat her daughter. Basically, this note was very ugly. My favourite line though was this one: "Oh, and by the way, I think you would make a perfect used car salesperson!" Oooh - did she actually think that would sting? All it did was make me laugh! I realized, however, that no matter what happened after reading that note, I would never want to see her sulking, depressing face again. The last time I lived with a so-called friend (meaning someone I'd actually known, for less than two years) was 10 years ago and some of the same bullshit occured - like the woman telling me I should be grateful she was letting me live there! When I moved out of that woman's house, she had some students move in who caused her alot of trouble. A few months later I saw her and the first thing she said to me was: "I didn't realize how spoiled I was when you were living with me." I suspect the same thing will happen now that I'm no longer living with this one and I've taken my TV, VCR, stereo, dining room table, toaster, kettle, frying pans, grill, dishes, glasses, oven mitts, dishcloths, etc., etc. In fact, minutes after the movers took my TV on Wednesday, she was in the livingroom, setting up her own crappy TV and getting a little freaked out because there wasn't even a way to hook it up to the cable. She had the nerve to ask me if I knew how to set it up. I had to stifle a laugh before I said: "I don't know how to do such things." Sucker. As I walked down the front hallway steps, hearing her say goodbye, I closed the door and thought: no wonder I'm still humming songs from The Grinch, getting the hell out of here feels like christmas day.
When Fiction Meets Reality
 One of our message board posters, Lylenorg, created two special WHE comic book covers today. One was about The Great Lurker Bar Debate we've been having recently and the other (pictured on the left) was loosely based on me meeting up for dinner with two other posters this evening. There's GregBuisIsADick (GBIAD) on the right, yes he is that old, me in the center, looking sexy as all hell and Elry on the left, wearing a mini-skirt - but what else would you expect from an American...
We joked around alot about Elry's alter-egos, like Dubya and John Coffey and of course GBIAD's massive ego. The funny thing is, it was just as I had imagined it would be. Both are as witty in real life as they are when they're posting on the message boards. One of my favourite parts though, was every time one of them was about to spill a board secret, he would say, "cone of silence" and I would roll my eyes and say, "OK". I mean, how many women do you know who can keep a secret? I've already been to Kaos and spilled all! GBIAD and Elry are both attractive guys and GBIAD is really tall - 6 ft 6! He insisted on standing for a photo that Elry took of us and of course he is towering over me, even though I was wearing platform shoes! Both of them were perfect gentlemen (believe it or not) and actually walked me to my car. The night ended with a handshake and shortly afterwards, the sweet bliss of something I'd been dying to do all night - smoke a cigarette!
Time To Start Freaking Out?!
Time To Start Freaking Out?! Is anyone else afraid to read the news these days? The American government seems to be preparing for a nuclear catastrophe, while at the same time, targeting its own nuclear weapons at seven different countries. They have formed a "shadow government" in case they're needed in the even of a nuclear holocaust. Is this supposed to make everyone feel better? Great, a group of Republicans are currently hiding underground and will still be alive, long after we're all vaporized into dust. How thoughtful of them. Should I send them a thank you card? According to The New York Daily News, the White House has ordered the Pentagon to prepare plans for using nuclear weapons against at least seven countries and to build smaller nuclear bombs for certain battlefield situations, according to a published report. The list of countries targeted for nuclear attack: China, Russia, Iraq, North Korea, Iran, Libya and Syria, according to a classified Pentagon report obtained by the Los Angeles Times. OK, I expect countries like Iraq and Iran to be on there but does anyone else out there feel like completely losing their minds when they see China and Russia on the list? The Times said the secret report, given to Congress on January 8th, says the nuclear weapons could be used against targets able to withstand nuclear attack; in retaliation for attack with nuclear, biological or chemical weapons, or "in the event of surprising military developments." The report also says the Pentagon should be prepared to use nuclear weapons in an Arab-Israeli conflict, in a war between China and Taiwan or in an attack by North Korea on the south, and possibly in an attack by Iraq on Israel or another neighbour. Did the events of September 11th give these bastards free reign to use nuclear weapons against any country they deem a threat? Has anyone ever seen the movies The Day After and/or Chains? I remember having lots of nightmares after seeing both those movies when I was a kid. During the last 20 years or so, however, I've felt relatively safe on planet earth. But not anymore. I feel as though these politicians are playing with all our lives and we're powerless to do anything about it. Is a nuclear holocaust what we have to look forward to, courtesy of George W. Bush and company?
A Spader Fable
With a little help from his faithful monkenites Once upon a time in a land not so far away lived a pig named Nate. He was a fat pig and that caused him a ton of grief and even more heartache. Every time he went out for pork rinds, all of the other pigs would laugh and point and throw melted lard and piglets at him. It was enough to make him pull out a pork leg and take out the whole crowd. But then something wonderful happened. One night while he was sleeping on his toilet, his head hidden in the crook of his arm, his Fairy God-pig farmer came floating through the window. She woke him up by oinking him. Once awake she said in a tubby voice, You can have one wish. What will it be? Without a moments hesitation, the pig replied, I wish I wasn't as fat as I am now. So with a wave of her magic sow, his Fairy God-pig farmer granted his request. Within a few moments the pig's smile degenerated into a frown. He was even more fat than before. He felt as if a ton of bitches had been dropped onto his shoulders. It just goes to show you. No matter how fat you think you might be, someone else is more so. Be happy with who you are. Visit the monkey! He made us a spiffy banner.
The tag line says "So discreet for your dark panties!"
 I can't help but wonder, "What the fuck is the point of this one?" Are dark panties complaining about being paired up with white pantiliners? It's not like they show through. And who the hell are you showing off your pantiliner to, anyway?
I find the notion of the pantiliner baffling anyway. Apparently they're ideal for: Everyday freshness, light days, tampon backup, and minor discharge. How does a whack of  sticky cotton in your drawers keep you fresh? And if you're having discharge, chances are it's not going to match that black liner. It's probably going to be white, gooey cheese, and something better left to a doctor to treat. Why you'd want to highlight that discharge, I have no idea.
And what about those heavier flow days? I've seen nothing about a ultra-long maxi with wings for nighttime protection in black to match your favourite negligee. Black would make more sense during that time of the month, in my mind anyway. At least it would disguise the blood flow. It's not like most of us haven't had sex during menstruation. It's so much fun during that moment when you peel off your knickers, as discreetly as possible, and roll them into a ball before you toss them across the room, hoping he hasn't seen that big-ass white pad. Having a black mega-size pad might give that moment a little more cachet.  The absolute worst in feminine hygiene has got to be the thong pantiliner. Let's see.... a thong goes right up your butt crack. If you aren't feeling so fresh, why are you wearing undies that want to eat out your ass?
 It's nice to know that the wings will keep this pantiliner in place while it's tossing my salad, but I just have one question. Does it come in black?
GOLD MEDAL!
 The Canadian men and women both win gold medals in Olympic hockey. Watching Mario Lemieux skate around the ice with the Canadian flag hoisted above his shoulders was a very emotional moment for me. It was something I'd been waiting to see since I was a little kid.
What an excellent day for our country. I'm so proud to be a Canadian right now. I had tears in my eyes and actually sang the anthem for the first time in years. YAY CANADA!
Hey you, what do you see?
 people dress? Most people are not something one thinks about." Diana Vreeland, fashion editor. Are you feeling the February blahs? Fed up with dry, sallow skin and clunky winter boots. Sick of speed skaters with perfect bodies at the Olympics? Perhaps it's time for a look at more of The Beautiful People.
More from the bowels of CrotchCannibal
 You wanna know what really galls me? People who fart at concerts. I mean, for fuck's sake, have the goddam decency to remove yourself to the bathroom or outdoor area before you unleash your toxic cloud. Please? It's not like I'm asking you to bend over backwards...just show a little common courtesy. How many times have you been standing in the thick of the surging crowd, head-bobbing to the pulsating rhythm, enraptured by the spectacle of live, loud music...and your nostrils are suddenly assailed by some worthless fuckhippo's unholy buttocks bellow? I can't stand it! I get so fuckin' pissed. I mean, if I was in a rock band, I wouldn't come to your place of work, pretend I really liked you, wait for everyone to gather 'round in the Break Room, and then hurl a death-bomb of stench over the entire fucking scene. Fuck no, you poofty humperfuck. So don't do it anymore! You hear me??? Geez. Whenever I cut an audible fart, it usually doesn't smell. It's the quiet, sudden-rush-of-air variety that really worry me. Whew! :: waves hand back and forth :: (that was a dramatic reenactment - I didn't actually fart)
Goddamn Motherfucking Hell
 Team Canada got absolutely crunched by the Swedish team in hockey tonight. A humiliating 5-2 loss. And even worse, Curtis Joseph, goaltender for the Toronto Maple Leafs, was in net.
One CBC commentator noted that if the fans were devastated, imagine how Coach Pat Quinn felt. He certainly didn't look too pleased. OK, so it wasn't a medal round game, still, this game and the ones against the Germans and the Czechs will determine who our boys play in the medal rounds. The up side: the one player who folds like a broken accordian during the playoffs, The Leafs captain, Mats Sundin, played brilliantly for Sweden, scoring twice and picking up one assist. Fucking bastard.
Yes, It's A Hallmark Holiday...
I know it's goofy, but I'm all mellow this Valentine's Day. Of course, it's just a dumb consumer holiday, designed to get you to spend money, less than two months after you pushed your credit limit to the max buying xmas presents. Still, I've always been a sucker for Valentine's Day and romance. My two sweethearts are Eigh, my Wisconsin boyfriend, and Whe's nearly 3-year-old son, the cutest and sweetest kid on the face of the earth. It makes me feel a little bit sad that I won't be with either of them this Valentine's Day, but I'll be holding them both, close to my heart.
Man, this Dubya guy is long winded.
Here is President Junior with his official response to this site's allegations against him.
Your president (not mine)
In the interest of fairness, Dubya responds to a previous editorial on the Olympics, where Rebecca X noted "George W. Bush also acted like an utter asshole, grimacing as the team from Iran entered the stadium."
And the Gold for Best Dressed Goes To...
 I haven't seen much of the Winter Olympics yet, except I did watch some of the opening ceremonies. Canada's team looked smashing in its red and white Roots clothing. They were definitely the best-dressed team. The United States' team also looked quite fashionable and their athletes were wearing Roots clothing as well.
Of course they were also carrying a flag that was visibly larger than the flag of any other country participating. The Americans had asked permission of the Olympics committee to use the tattered flag from The World Trade Center. The committee said no, the Americans basically said they were going to do it anyway and so the committee backed down a couple of days later and agreed to it. Yes, of course what happened on September 11th was absolutely horrible, but why are American politicians acting like the U.S. is the only country ever to have been attacked in the history of the world and that no other atrocities on earth could equal that one, because it happened to them. George W. Bush also acted like an utter asshole, grimacing as the team from Iran entered the stadium. It was arrogant and disgusting. I tend to root against the U.S. when I'm watching the Olympics. This is mainly because they usually have the "home" advantage: 1980 - Lake Placid, 1984 - Los Angeles, 1996 - Atlanta and of course, 2002 - Salt Lake City. The Americans also tend to win a lot of medals and I find it more fun to root for the underdog and of course my own country's team. The media in Canada and most of our television commercials are whipping everyone into a frenzy, fully expecting the Canadian hockey team to take the gold. They did it to us four years ago too and what a let-down it was when the team finished a dismal fourth. Canada will win its share of medals though, we usually do fairly well in the winter games. I was looking forward to watching the Olympics this year, but the spectacles I witnessed during the opening ceremonies soured me on the whole thing. I'll have to watch the hockey though, it's my duty as a Canadian to root for my guys' to kick the American's butts. GO TEAM CANADA!
Heil to the Chief
 Um, I'm thinking maybe the Bush family are in need of a makeover. I mean, would you walk through a dark alley if you saw either of these people lurking there? No, you'd turn away cringing, and hold tightly onto your wallet. Am I the only one who thinks the pretzel incident is a cover-up for the real cause of Dubya's bruises? For sure Laura slapped him upside the head for getting lippy. I know I'd like to give him a wallop or two.
 He fell off the couch after choking on a pretzel -- what kind of bullshit is that? It must be hard enough living with someone so stupid, but when that someone is president, it must be near impossible to keep from hauling off and beating his ass.
And why the hell don't they do something about Bush's niece, Noelle, who was arrested early Tuesday after she allegedly tried to fill a false prescription at a Tallahassee, Florida, pharmacy?? This girl makes the Kennedy kids look good. Can't they have her knocked off or something? The 24-year-old looker was arrested at about 1:15 a.m. EST at a Walgreens drugstore and charged her with fraudulently obtaining a controlled substance. Police said she was attempting to pick up Xanax, a sedative used to treat anxiety disorder. The drug can make users feel drowsy and dizzy as it reduces nervousness and tension. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I'm proud to be a Canadian.
They're coming to take my baby away...
My first (and only) car is getting towed to the scrap yard today. She's been sitting in my parking space untouched for over a year, because I never had the heart to clean her out and have her shipped off. She's nothing fancy. Just a low-end Ford Escort. Although she was the first car in my family with air conditioning, and she was special to me. The Escort was such a popular car at the time, it was a bitch trying to find her in crowded parking lots when I would visit the city. The car was reasonable and reliable, and that's why I chose her. When I bought her, BeX named her Sexy Sadie. BeX liked her bright, cherry red colour, and despised her own shit-brown Dodge Omni (which I named Acme), that she bought used. Sadie was shiny and new, an '89 I bought in '90. Some people teased me because she was relatively cheap. Others because she was so bright. To me, she meant independence and great place to have sex. I can't count the number of times her steering wheel has hit my ass. After I was done emptying out Sadie's trunk, I tried starting the engine, for old time's sake. She started right away, and purred smoothly. I could always depend on her, even in the coldest winters in northern Ontario, she hardly ever gave me a problem. If I had the money too keep her insured, renew her plates and fix her brakes, I wouldn't have to say goodbye. My heart is heavy today. Sadie, you will always be my first.
What day is it?
For someone who's unemployed, keeping track of days, weeks and even months is difficult. Still, it's really no excuse for owning Five different calendars. Usually, I have two or three, which is what I did own, until today. The Toronto Maple Leafs calendar (which whe bought me for xmas) is in the kitchen, the Witches calendar is in my bedroom and the Toronto Firefighter's calendar is in my bathroom. This afternoon, I was in a mall with my sister and brother and walked by a place called Calendar Club. There were signs all over the place that said 75% off. So we decided just to browse a bit. There were so many to choose from that it took us half an hour in the store. The place had tons of cat and dog calendars, one called All About Smoking (which I was tempted to buy), celebrity calendars, travel calendars, sports calendars, etc. I almost walked out with From Earth To Space, pictures of the planet taken by a satellite, and a Marilyn Monroe calendar. As I walked to the cash register, yet another calendar caught my eye. It was called Victorian Paintings and included some of the most beautiful paintings I've ever seen. The painting on the right, featured in July, is called, A Roman Boat Race by Sir Edward John Poynter. So as I was about to put the Monroe calendar on the shelf, my brother grabbed it and bought it instead. I ended up with the Victorian calendar and the Earth To Space calendar. Hell, it only cost $8.50 for both of them. Where I'll put them in my house, I have no idea. But I guarantee you one thing, I'll always know what day it is!
Alien Toys And Butter Swans
by CrotchCannibal A couple things here: They say you can tell a lot about a society by studying the toys of its children. Toys are supposed to provide both enjoyment and education, and also make old folks trip. So I wonder what the toys of advanced space aliens would be like. Would they be equivalent to our cars, helicopters, and rocket ships? Would they play with fuzzy, colorful laser guns and subatomic particle colliders? Or would they just chuck rocks into ponds and squish space ants? I bet space alien toys are pretty durable, but they must be really expensive, too. What's the deal with carved butter figures? Why the hell would you take the time to carve a swan out of butter when a bunch of unappreciative idiots are only going to gouge huge chunks out of it and stab it while they laugh like drunken fools? If we continue to spend our precious time creating beautiful things out of food products, then why should we expect future generations to even care about more important issues like acid rain and deforestation? I realize there are plenty of people to accommodate those issues and still have enough other people to carve the butter stuff, but I think we'd be better off if everyone focused on global concerns instead of perishable dairy sculpture. Fuck me I guess.
Some poetry for you
Night sky's inlaid beads Pinpoint eternity’s path; Unlock enigma. - Jorel5 a heart is woven into black palaces spinning slivers and panoramic lies emotions are only worms in the molten soil sleeping beneath our infamous goodbyes - CrotchCannibal
I just found out my dad died. It was most likely a heart attack. The neighbours phoned my brother, after noticing he hadn't been taking in his mail since Friday. My brother found him lying in the hallway, just outside the bedroom. He'd been dead for a few days. The coroner said he went quickly. This week is the anniversary of my mother's death, nearly ten years ago. I can't believe it's been so long. I'm numb.
Philip Seymour Hoffman should be famous
 And he would be, if he looked like Tom Cruise.
What a good actor this guy is. Watching The Big Lebowski again the other night, I kept thinking how much I love the character, Brandt, played by Hoffman. Since BeX was over, I didn't bother checking the credits, because she tends to get impatient. Last night, before we popped in Boogie Nights, I was wondering if the guy who played Scotty was also the same one who played Lester Bangs in Almost Famous. BeX pointed to his picture on the DVD case, saying 'That's the guy from Big Lebowski!' Here I'd been making of point of identifying the guy, and didn't even recognize him from the night before. It makes me wonder why more character actors don't star in films. Most stars are bland. Related link? Tom Cruise Movie or Gay Porno?
Mo Fo
Stupid Blogger.
Eep
I get by with a little help from my friends.
W00T!
Not only does our friend not mind that we used her space, but she's going to host this site for as long as we want!! We're no longer homeless. I'm so happy, I've been crying all morning. We women are weird that way.
We just can't cut a break
Shortest. Move. Ever. If this keeps up, I'm going to go bitchcakes. I moved the entire site to Digital Rice over the past two days (read post below) including all our message board graphics and cam pages, and while I'm off the computer the damned site goes down. People on the board are bitching because there are no topic and reply buttons, etc. The cam pages are all dead, and everyone wanted their fix of skin I quickly uploaded the graphics to another space, and thankfully our faithful admin Eigh was around to help make things better. The board has been so busy lately, I don't know what I'd do without him. Now the space I uploaded the graphics to belongs to a friend, and I didn't get a chance to ask her before doing so. I emailed her right afterward, but still feel awful about using the space, even though (because?) she's the nicest person in the world. So I just visited the Digital Rice site and learned that they are cutting back on their free accounts, and now will only allow 10 MB. This site is small at 13 MB -- I spent the last two days paring it down to that size, so it would fit in the previously allowed 15 MB. Now all I can say is, it seems we are screwed.
Bye bye
 Well, here we are just over a year old and it looks like it's time for us to pack up and move the site again. The service at f2s will no longer be free at the end of February, and I've been searching out another free space to host our site (seeing as how BeX and I are impoverished, as usual).
It's damned near impossible finding freeservers anymore, much less one that allows remote linking, ftp, and no ads. Our time at f2s as been somewhat bittersweet -- the site is slow, it often cuts off during the ftp process, and we have more than occasional downtime. But it was free, damn it! So we didn't complain (much). If only we didn't have to pay for frivolous crap, like food and rent, we'd have it made. Unfortunately, at this point in our lives, we're struggling to keep up with the bills and debating whether prostitution would be all that bad. Mind you, after watching American Psycho last night, I doubt either of us will go the route of taking on a career as a truck stop hooker. I've been searching like a fiend for free space, and it was looking like we'd be forced to shut down the site altogether, unless we were willing to go back to (gag) Geocities. Then I remembered our old site at Digital Rice, which shut down for months, and was never reliable in the first place. Fortune may be smiling on us. It seems DR is back up and running, and has a huge waiting list. We, however, still have our old account. The space isn't large enough to contain this entire site, but we should be able to transfer a portion of the site anway. If you have us linked, please change to our domain name address at wehateeveryone.net (if you're not using it already). Hopefully, a couple of sorry Canadians have found an old, familiar home where we can rant. For awhile, anyway.
Future Bag Lady?
 I had been joking with friends and family over the holidays that I was going to end up living in a cardboard box. The way things seem to be going, I'm wondering if this will be my fate. I may not be posting on here very often as it's come down to this: my phone will be cut off on Monday if I don't pay the $270 owed on it. My bank account balance, which I just checked, is currently $2.76. Of course if my phone gets cut off, it also means my internet access is fucked. I've got like 20 cigarettes left and am going through the tins of change (it's mainly nickels and dimes) I've kept in my cupboard for years.
I've got credit collection companies calling my house constantly (that'd be one bonus of not having a phone) and less food in the cupboard every day. I'm just grateful that water is free. As a fresh faced journalism graduate in my 20s, I never would have imagined the stress and heartache I would go through in my 30s. These past three months of being jobless have aged me. I see it in my eyes and the rest of my face when I look in the mirror. I was born just after the baby boomers and am suffering as a result. I think my generation is known as the lost generation or something like that. I wonder how many of us are truly lost, I certainly feel like I am. For the first time in years, I am afraid of what the future holds.
Our Boyfriends Got Really Drunk This New Year
 As you can see, we brought the new year in style with our favourite hunks. BeX's boyfriend is on the right. We love that eighties hair. They are both wearing leg warmers. We just finished giving them blowjobs. Our New Year's resolution is that all our enemies get what they deserve, but we want to send love to our bitchcakes. Who the hell are these fucking idiots? These rich bastards from the yacht club really deserve to die. Just look at those weathly, fat pricks. Tommy Hilfiger can eat our assholes. You've got to love those pious churchgoing folk. We've got to go pull BeX's brother out of the pub now. You know those Irish. The everlovin' hulk. Hulk. Hulk. Happy New Year's to you and to Celine Dion's husband.
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To: Peter Jackson and New Line Cinema
My fellow Americans, Assorted Foreign Types and to The Russians, who couldn't be happy with their rutabagas, they got to go and rig the Ice Skating events to.
Okay, lets take this step-by-step (That makes me laugh, cause it reminds me of that AWESOME Patrick Duffy show, I hope Cody is okay, he was totally cool.)
