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Sexism Is Alive and Well

Thursday, June 28, 2001


When I started working at my current job, I thought it would be so awesome to work with 30 men and only three other women. Generally, I’ve always felt that men are so much easier to get along with.

What I didn’t anticipate was the level of sexism I would run into. I’ve had one of my fellow male employees tell me that I shouldn’t wear pantyhose with my skirts because he could get a better view of legs if I wasn’t wearing any. I’ve seen another male employee actually stroke one of the female employee’s legs to see if she’d shaved them.

As the only woman in most of the meetings I attend, I’ve had to listen to my boss spew off on jokes about dumb blondes and beer.

I’ve had to come into work early to serve coffee for clients. My male counterpart in the office has never been asked to do any of these menial tasks, including answering the phones.

Although I have a much more senior position than many of the men in the company, I have just been informed that I have been designated back-up receptionist. Why? They won’t admit it, but I know why - because I’m a woman.

I feel so powerless and the only thing that gets me through these moments are my fantasies. One involves ripping out my their tongues. The other involves sticking a pen into their windpipes and watching them gasp for air as I chuckle and walk out of the office. That one always makes me feel so much better...

What the fuck do I care?

Wednesday, June 27, 2001

This is Blarx. He has a small goat. You can see the goat here in the picture at left. See the goat? See? Blarx likes to do drawings. You can see one in the picture at right. Draw, Blarx, draw! Would you like to see more of Blarx's drawings? Then click here now. Click, damn you, click!

Girls On Film

Tuesday, June 26, 2001

We've got a special treat for you voyeurs out there. Our very own Rebecca X has joined the legions of camgirls. Becca enjoys smoking, playing with her cat and practising witchcraft. Check her out!

Today our beloved friend and guest columnist LithSausage offers a few tips on Road Trip Basics.

When deciding on a place to go for a road trip make sure you go south. You can go east and west quite a bit too, but make sure you DO NOT GO ANY NORTHER THAN IS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. Why?
1. It always gets warmer the more south you go. If you go north you might freeze your ass off.
2. People who actually live south are a lot nicer than the people you live with in the north. The norther you go more people are going to NOT be friendly. Ever notice how even in crappy neighborhoods the people on the south side of the steet are always nicer than the bastards on the north side?
3. Everything gets cheaper the more south you go; alcohol, tobacco, gas, drugs, women.

While traveling south I have found some easy indicators to determine that you have gone south enough.
1. UNBEARABLE HEAT. If you can't stand the heat you better stop before you drive into the sun.
2. THE EQUATOR. You can stop here. There are no more benefits of traveling souther. Except being burned alive by the sun.
3. RED DIRT. That's right! Southern dirt is red! Go out and smear some in your hand and on your shirt. Fuck black dirt! Red dirt fucking rules!
4. ALLITERATION. When you see signs for Karl's Kool Kitchen or Ken's Karpet Korner you better take note on your map to see how far south you have gone.
5. ACCENTS. People talk funny and it's not ebonics. If you go any souther you will have to learn another language.

DO NOT DO THESE THINGS ON YOUR TRIP!
1. Use the tiny little streets on the map to make a "shortcut". It is just like in that fucking movie I swear.
2. Trust an unproven driver with your car unless you have insurance or a deathwish.
3. Fuck with the locals. No matter how tempting. It is just like in that movie.
4. Use a styrofoam cooler. No, duck tape does not make it stronger.
5. Use chopsticks to eat fried chicken, cornbread, and grits in a restaurant. No need to show off, use your hands and request wetnaps.
6. Trust your gas guage or that LOW FUEL light that is supposed to warn you.
7. Stop for hitchhikers or help people on the side of the road.
8. Forget your camera or film. UFO, Bigfoot, Elvis, or a kick-ass gory accident count as Kodak moments.
9. Eat at a place called STAKE 'n' SHAKE, HARDEE'S, WAFFLE HOUSE, or McDONALD'S. Eat berries, bark, lard, and mushrooms.
10.Get busted. For some reason all the jails are south.

Summer In The City!

Thursday, June 21, 2001

Summer's sunny days go hand in hand with summer's sensational storms. I find thunderstorms very exciting. I love sitting on the floor of my solarium up on the 19th floor watching a storm move in. The other night, a big thunderstorm rolled into Toronto and I sat there at my floor to ceiling windows (it was 3 a.m.) watching the amazing lightning show - lots of fork lightning that looked almost hazy blue.

We are all at the mercy of the weather; be it snow storms, rain storms, tornadoes or hurricanes. A tornado is described as a destructive rotary storm advancing in a narrow path. A hurricane is a violent storm wind or a cyclone.

The two worst weather-related disasters to hit Ontario in the 20th Century had to have been Hurricane Hazel (which killed 81 people, including one of my great uncles) on October 15, 1954 and the tornado that hit Barrie, Ontario on May 31, 1985. I remember the Barrie tornado very well, it just missed Toronto. We got a wicked storm that day that caused power outages all over the city but it was nothing compared to the devestation it caused the city of Barrie and the village of Grand Valley, Ontario. Eight people in Barrie died and two died in Grand Valley. With this being the first day of summer, I can't help but wonder what wicked weather we may have in store this year.

Another, more pleasant storm has been going on here on our very own website: During the past three days, our camboy burngod not only went "the full monty" on cam (he was asleep) but shaved his pubes on cam last night, much to the delight of our female readers. Which leaves me with my own burning question: what's he gonna do next? I for one can't wait to find out!

Heads Will Roll

Wednesday, June 20, 2001

Fuck Disney! Do you think Walt Disney would be rolling in his grave, if he was buried in one? Disney used be cool. My favourite Disney movies is Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. The witch was sexy and evil, and was killed by seven midgets in the end. I didn't pay much mind to Disney since childhood until the company released Little Mermaid and changed the ending so the mermaid lives at the end. Fuck that shit, I hate happy endings. Hakuna Matata can eat my asshole

We've got a new movie review of Disney's latest nail in old Walt's frozen skull.

Elryano tells us whether Atlantis: The Lost Empire sinks or swims.





A wise lobster once said; It's better, down where it's wetter, take it from me!!!

What a wise Lobster, and he tasted so GOOD sauted with a bit of butter.... (More.....)


Saturday, June 16, 2001

The Dairy State: As I get a little older, I find I take more chances and do much crazier things. So, last weekend, I said: "What the fuck" as usual, packed my bags and headed south of the border to visit We Hate Everyone's very own camboy, Eigh.

I had a great time and wanted to share it with our readers and answer some of those age-old questions like: What's a camboy really like? Is he really flesh and blood, just like you and I? Is Eigh truly obsessed with fish?

All questions are answered in Weekend in Wisconsin. This is also my first actual layout for this website, with help from Whe and Eigh. Woo hoo!


Sounds Fishy

Thursday, June 14, 2001

Elryano tackles John Travolta's latest movie, Swordfish.




Lots of Boobies, No Fish: When John Travolta is good, he's good. And when he's bad, he's a seven and a half foot alien with dreadlocks, spouting off about some weird neo-religion.... (More....)

I'm Afraid of Americans

Wednesday, June 13, 2001

It always amuses me when Americans make jokes about Canadians. Canucks poke fun of the U.S. mainly out of fear of a country which is big, powerful and largely stupid when it comes to anything beyond its borders. The following is from the Male Bonding Rituals Handbook:

How to Avoid a Collision: This is a transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US Naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10/10/95.

AMERICANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

CANADIANS: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the south to avoid collision.

AMERICANS: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship, I say again, divert YOUR course.

CANADIANS: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

AMERICANS: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

CANADIANS: This is a lighthouse. Your call.




As our own 'Intellectual Provocateur' Frank Underhill said: "Americans are benevolently ignorant of Canada; Canadians are malevolently well informed about the United States." Of course, most of our American education is derived from what we see on television. Underhill also wrote: "[Our] leaders have been busy with the high mission of saving the northern half of the continent from Americanism, while ... the Canadian people have been quietly adopting the American way of life".

So, for all you Canadians who don't know how to fold an American flag: Don't get sloppy with Old Glory!


Saturday, June 09, 2001

Wisconsin Sucks? Our Number One Camboy, Eigh, gave me a tour of Wisconsin today. I heard lots of cool stories about local landmarks, like: "This is where a tree hit my car two years ago." But didn't get to see Danger Turn, where precious few have met it and lived to tell about it. I hope to see it tomorrow, but hopefully not close up! Tried a Tombstone Pizza today and a Red Bull energy drink. I feel fucking awesome!
[eigh speaks]Well actually the complete tour was cut short due to horrendous gas prices, so the economy version of the outskirts and boonies that surround my hole in the ground I call home was all I could muster.. Indeed the day was fueled by mass amounts of Taurine and sunshine, something Southern Wisconsin hasn't had in 32 plus days.. I'm glad the gloomy Gus weather has gone and also happy to have another avid internet junkie to "share" the highly technical skill it is to hide from the sun..[/eigh spoke]

Visiting With The Past

Wednesday, June 06, 2001

My 84-year-old grandmother had to go into the hospital last week and in many ways, I dreaded visiting her. I hate the smell of hospitals and the uncomfortable feeling you get sitting there while the other person is in the bed, sick as a dog. This visit wasn’t so bad, however. My grandmother and I sat and talked for two hours, probably the longest amount of time I’ve ever sat and really talked to her since I was a kid.

She has always had quite a knack for upsetting me and loves to call me an old maid. She called me an old maid again last week but this time she started laughing and said, “You like it though, don't you? You like being single?” I shrugged and said “yeah” and she said: “That doesn't mean you couldn't have a baby though, does it?” She also told me I looked like a million bucks and that she always thought I was too good for my ex-boyfriend. She never liked him, she said, because she thought he was an old man!!

Sitting with her like that and talking was so much easier than when my sister is there. It's funny but my grandmother gets kind of stilted around my sister, who is a nice enough person but fairly boring.

My grandmother told me all kinds of things I’d never heard about, like how I reminded her of herself and that she wished she had lived in a different time. She said my dad's father (who died of tuberculosis when my dad was only a year old) had been her one true love. She was a single mother until my father was 5 or 6, when she married the man who became my grandfather. When my grandmother got re-married, she had to move in with her husband, his father and his brother. She said they treated her like a maid. After about two years of putting up with “crap from them” she borrowed money from her sister for a down payment on a house.

“I told your grandfather I had bought a house and was leaving and taking the children with me,” she told me. “He could come with me if he liked or continue living with his father and his brother. He was the first one up on the morning of the move!

“I bet you never thought you had such an old witch as a grandma, huh?!” she said, laughing. “No, I always knew it,” I replied. “I think you and I are cut from the same cloth,” she added. I tend to agree with her.

I feel kind of sad thinking about her right now. She’s out of the hospital but my mother told me that my father and my uncle are seriously considering putting her in an old age home. If I know her like I think I do - I suspect they’re in for a helluva fight.


Tuesday, June 05, 2001

Today we bring you burn's take on The Difference Between Pussy-Whipped and Nice...

Taking orders. If someone is cleaning up I'll be more than willing to throw in and help out. That's just being a nice guy. However, if someone is lying on the couch and says "Why don't you get up and wash my dishes" and you do it, you're pussy-whipped.

Getting nothing in return but bullshit. If you share your cigarettes (or crack or whatever) and later on she shares hers with you, then you're just being a nice guy. However, if you're buying two packs a day because she'll yell at you if you don't and you don't even smoke, you're pussy-whipped.

Getting yelled at in public. If she calls you a motherfucker in a normal tone of voice and then later, in private, screams at you and you take it, you're having a normal fight and you're a nice guy. If she screeches like a banshee in the middle of the restaurant and starts throwing knives at you and you take it, you're pussy-whipped.

Playing dress-up. If you're going out someplace and she asks you to wear something a little nicer because of the place you're going and you change clothes, you're a nice guy. If she says "You look like an asshole and I won't be seen in public with you dressed like that. Go put on some better clothes, moron." and you change clothes, you're pussy-whipped.
Visit burn at God Hates Me.


Wow: Is there any reason to shell out your cash for Rob Schneider's new movie The Animal other than to see America's Sweetheart Colleen Haskell? Fans of the cute pixie from Survivor will want to know whether the movie is worth the price of admission. Does she have a gratuitous sex scene? (No, apparently not.) Has her acting improved any since doing the Blistex commercial? (*Applies lipbalm.* "Wow".) It couldn't get any worse. Apparently Colleen does get her backside slapped, has her face is licked by Schneider and appears in various states of semi-undress.

Elryano shares his view on this critically acclaimed film.
To review this movie I decided it would be unfair to compare it to real movies, to properly judge this movie I needed to get in the mindset of the intended audience of this movie.

So I bashed myself in the head repeatedly with a bat. (More....)

Everything We Hate

Monday, June 04, 2001

We've been slaving away like little bitches writing a piece for Eric over at Everything I Hate, where it's guest week. Go read it now or get assraped!

Sorry, that's the PMS talking.... I hope.

Come back tomorrow for brand new updates, including a review of The Animal and burn's treatise on what it means to be pussy-whipped.

Where Do You Get Off?

Saturday, June 02, 2001

Sex in a car is hot. I like to be on top, especially when there's a chance of getting caught. Riding a guy's cock with your breasts bare (except for his hands and mouth) is one of the ultimate turn-ons.

I can't even count the number of times I've done it in a car, but some of the most memorable times include at the drive-in (during the Denis Leary movie The Sandlot), at the side of the Trans-Canada highway, in the park, the parking lot at Harvey's, at the side of various other highways, the parking lot at the Toronto Hilton Hotel.

The passenger side is more comfy, but I can straddle a guy on the driver's side no problem. The steering wheel just hits my ass. It's not so bad.

I prefer the front seat to the back. Being watched by passers-by is half the fun.

Get A Job

Friday, June 01, 2001

We've been up to our tits in updates lately, and today is no exception. Blarx has a new comic, to which all you disenfranchised slackers might relate. Read it!!

If you've ever been unemployed, you know what a sick feeling it can give you in the pit of your stomach. If you're out of work long enough, that pain turns into a dull ache until you've become a quivering pile of insecurities and self-doubt. Blarx lost his job recently, so buy a t-shirt if you can afford it. Lord knows I can't, I haven't been employed in years.

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