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I'm Afraid of Americans
 It always amuses me when Americans make jokes about Canadians. Canucks poke fun of the U.S. mainly out of fear of a country which is big, powerful and largely stupid when it comes to anything beyond its borders. The following is from the Male Bonding Rituals Handbook:
How to Avoid a Collision: This is a transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US Naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10/10/95. AMERICANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision. CANADIANS: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the south to avoid collision. AMERICANS: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship, I say again, divert YOUR course. CANADIANS: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course. AMERICANS: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP. CANADIANS: This is a lighthouse. Your call. As our own 'Intellectual Provocateur' Frank Underhill said: "Americans are benevolently ignorant of Canada; Canadians are malevolently well informed about the United States." Of course, most of our American education is derived from what we see on television. Underhill also wrote: "[Our] leaders have been busy with the high mission of saving the northern half of the continent from Americanism, while ... the Canadian people have been quietly adopting the American way of life". So, for all you Canadians who don't know how to fold an American flag: Don't get sloppy with Old Glory!
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