 |
| home | email whe | email bex | g*book | forum | bexcam | whecam | cams |
|
You're A Mean One, Rebecca X
 As I was emptying my ice-cube trays into the sink the morning I moved out of one of the most financially nightmarish situations of my life, I couldn't help but think of The Grinch. Not the Jim Carrey feature film, mind you, but the classic Boris Karloff narrated half hour cartoon. After all, that's basically who I was being accused of being by my room-mate. She didn't exactly call me The Grinch, she called me a leech, in a pathetic little note I found on the kitchen counter one evening last week. There I was, living in a house with a (now former) friend and her 11-year-old daughter, paying half the rent and half the utilities, I was barely ever home and I was a leech.
In January, I asked my ex-friend and room-mate if it was OK to move out at the end of March; I couldn't afford the rent and high utility costs anymore because I was unemployed, I wanted to live alone and she had been constantly harping that she wanted someone else to move in so the rent could be split three ways. I was actually expecting a huge argument that night but met with no resistance. I should have known to expect it though when, in February, I'd asked her if she'd found anyone to move in and found out she hadn't even put an ad in the paper yet. Stupid bitch. I have no doubt that everything would have been fine if she'd found someone else to move in. Instead, two weekends ago, I was at home cleaning out my cat's litterbox and she asked me when she could get money for half the utility bills. I replied that I would work it out, factoring in her half of the phone bill and half the internet costs. She countered by saying she barely ever used the internet so of course I said I was never home, and asked why I was paying half the utility bills then? I told her she was getting a great deal, having me paying half of everything for her and her daughter, so why would she complain about paying half of an internet bill? Like the wimp that she is, she backed off and instead left me a note, telling me I was being "very unreasonable. If you had to pay for someone to look after your cat it would probably cost you more than what you owe me." Of course, she didn't mention the countless times I babysat her daughter. Basically, this note was very ugly. My favourite line though was this one: "Oh, and by the way, I think you would make a perfect used car salesperson!" Oooh - did she actually think that would sting? All it did was make me laugh! I realized, however, that no matter what happened after reading that note, I would never want to see her sulking, depressing face again. The last time I lived with a so-called friend (meaning someone I'd actually known, for less than two years) was 10 years ago and some of the same bullshit occured - like the woman telling me I should be grateful she was letting me live there! When I moved out of that woman's house, she had some students move in who caused her alot of trouble. A few months later I saw her and the first thing she said to me was: "I didn't realize how spoiled I was when you were living with me." I suspect the same thing will happen now that I'm no longer living with this one and I've taken my TV, VCR, stereo, dining room table, toaster, kettle, frying pans, grill, dishes, glasses, oven mitts, dishcloths, etc., etc. In fact, minutes after the movers took my TV on Wednesday, she was in the livingroom, setting up her own crappy TV and getting a little freaked out because there wasn't even a way to hook it up to the cable. She had the nerve to ask me if I knew how to set it up. I had to stifle a laugh before I said: "I don't know how to do such things." Sucker. As I walked down the front hallway steps, hearing her say goodbye, I closed the door and thought: no wonder I'm still humming songs from The Grinch, getting the hell out of here feels like christmas day.
When Fiction Meets Reality
 One of our message board posters, Lylenorg, created two special WHE comic book covers today. One was about The Great Lurker Bar Debate we've been having recently and the other (pictured on the left) was loosely based on me meeting up for dinner with two other posters this evening. There's GregBuisIsADick (GBIAD) on the right, yes he is that old, me in the center, looking sexy as all hell and Elry on the left, wearing a mini-skirt - but what else would you expect from an American...
We joked around alot about Elry's alter-egos, like Dubya and John Coffey and of course GBIAD's massive ego. The funny thing is, it was just as I had imagined it would be. Both are as witty in real life as they are when they're posting on the message boards. One of my favourite parts though, was every time one of them was about to spill a board secret, he would say, "cone of silence" and I would roll my eyes and say, "OK". I mean, how many women do you know who can keep a secret? I've already been to Kaos and spilled all! GBIAD and Elry are both attractive guys and GBIAD is really tall - 6 ft 6! He insisted on standing for a photo that Elry took of us and of course he is towering over me, even though I was wearing platform shoes! Both of them were perfect gentlemen (believe it or not) and actually walked me to my car. The night ended with a handshake and shortly afterwards, the sweet bliss of something I'd been dying to do all night - smoke a cigarette!
Time To Start Freaking Out?!
Time To Start Freaking Out?! Is anyone else afraid to read the news these days? The American government seems to be preparing for a nuclear catastrophe, while at the same time, targeting its own nuclear weapons at seven different countries. They have formed a "shadow government" in case they're needed in the even of a nuclear holocaust. Is this supposed to make everyone feel better? Great, a group of Republicans are currently hiding underground and will still be alive, long after we're all vaporized into dust. How thoughtful of them. Should I send them a thank you card? According to The New York Daily News, the White House has ordered the Pentagon to prepare plans for using nuclear weapons against at least seven countries and to build smaller nuclear bombs for certain battlefield situations, according to a published report. The list of countries targeted for nuclear attack: China, Russia, Iraq, North Korea, Iran, Libya and Syria, according to a classified Pentagon report obtained by the Los Angeles Times. OK, I expect countries like Iraq and Iran to be on there but does anyone else out there feel like completely losing their minds when they see China and Russia on the list? The Times said the secret report, given to Congress on January 8th, says the nuclear weapons could be used against targets able to withstand nuclear attack; in retaliation for attack with nuclear, biological or chemical weapons, or "in the event of surprising military developments." The report also says the Pentagon should be prepared to use nuclear weapons in an Arab-Israeli conflict, in a war between China and Taiwan or in an attack by North Korea on the south, and possibly in an attack by Iraq on Israel or another neighbour. Did the events of September 11th give these bastards free reign to use nuclear weapons against any country they deem a threat? Has anyone ever seen the movies The Day After and/or Chains? I remember having lots of nightmares after seeing both those movies when I was a kid. During the last 20 years or so, however, I've felt relatively safe on planet earth. But not anymore. I feel as though these politicians are playing with all our lives and we're powerless to do anything about it. Is a nuclear holocaust what we have to look forward to, courtesy of George W. Bush and company?
A Spader Fable
With a little help from his faithful monkenites Once upon a time in a land not so far away lived a pig named Nate. He was a fat pig and that caused him a ton of grief and even more heartache. Every time he went out for pork rinds, all of the other pigs would laugh and point and throw melted lard and piglets at him. It was enough to make him pull out a pork leg and take out the whole crowd. But then something wonderful happened. One night while he was sleeping on his toilet, his head hidden in the crook of his arm, his Fairy God-pig farmer came floating through the window. She woke him up by oinking him. Once awake she said in a tubby voice, You can have one wish. What will it be? Without a moments hesitation, the pig replied, I wish I wasn't as fat as I am now. So with a wave of her magic sow, his Fairy God-pig farmer granted his request. Within a few moments the pig's smile degenerated into a frown. He was even more fat than before. He felt as if a ton of bitches had been dropped onto his shoulders. It just goes to show you. No matter how fat you think you might be, someone else is more so. Be happy with who you are. Visit the monkey! He made us a spiffy banner.
The tag line says "So discreet for your dark panties!"
 I can't help but wonder, "What the fuck is the point of this one?" Are dark panties complaining about being paired up with white pantiliners? It's not like they show through. And who the hell are you showing off your pantiliner to, anyway?
I find the notion of the pantiliner baffling anyway. Apparently they're ideal for: Everyday freshness, light days, tampon backup, and minor discharge. How does a whack of  sticky cotton in your drawers keep you fresh? And if you're having discharge, chances are it's not going to match that black liner. It's probably going to be white, gooey cheese, and something better left to a doctor to treat. Why you'd want to highlight that discharge, I have no idea.
And what about those heavier flow days? I've seen nothing about a ultra-long maxi with wings for nighttime protection in black to match your favourite negligee. Black would make more sense during that time of the month, in my mind anyway. At least it would disguise the blood flow. It's not like most of us haven't had sex during menstruation. It's so much fun during that moment when you peel off your knickers, as discreetly as possible, and roll them into a ball before you toss them across the room, hoping he hasn't seen that big-ass white pad. Having a black mega-size pad might give that moment a little more cachet.  The absolute worst in feminine hygiene has got to be the thong pantiliner. Let's see.... a thong goes right up your butt crack. If you aren't feeling so fresh, why are you wearing undies that want to eat out your ass?
 It's nice to know that the wings will keep this pantiliner in place while it's tossing my salad, but I just have one question. Does it come in black?
|
