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Take You Down
She's So Good-Looking But She Looks Like a Man: When we were in college, Rebecca and I would go up north to escape our parents and sit around wasted at night listening to compilation tapes. We made awesome tapes. I can still remember the song order on them. My tapes always included the song Polythene Pam, tucked in between, say, The Replacements and Husker Du. As soon as Polythene Pam came on, we'd jump up and run to the middle of the room and dance along with it the way Pee Wee Herman danced to the song Tequila in Pee Wee's Big Adventure. We looked ridiculous, but it was so exhilarating. I still listen to that song when I'm down, playing it over and over. Sometimes I skip right to it, other times I allow Mean Mr. Mustard into the mix. But I haven't danced like Pee Wee in a couple of years. I've got to get back into that. And now, a few words from CrotchCannibal: I recall hearing a Beatles parody somewhere (can't remember where) about them recording tracks over John's old demos (a la 'Free As A Bird'). Except, instead of songs, they were using his answering machine message. It was all, "Hi, this is John. Please leave a message...blah blah blah". But it had the others singing harmonies and playing instruments over it. Fuckin' hilarious. Anyone wanna take a stab at who'll be the next dead Beatle? While popular opinion would be Ringo, as he's the oldest, or maybe Paul, as he's the most publicly visible, I'm going with George, 'cause there's only so many times you can rely on your wife to fend off those knife-wielding stalkers. Hare Krishna my ass. (take yer fuckin' vitamins, it's a j-o-k-e.) ++++++++++++++++++++ If you should call for me Between this multitude of psalms Do not await my reply For the sound is stuck fast In the branches of a dream And I'm only sleeping Sleeping awhile beside life (CC)
Border Bullshit
Eigh was supposed to visit me for an extended long weekend in Toronto. So this week I busied myself going grocery shopping, cleaning my house and generally preparing for his arrival. Unfortunately, the assholes at the Canadian border fucked up all our plans. A driving while impaired conviction Eigh received about 2 years ago made him ineligible for entrance into Canada, or so they say... So I'm sitting at work at about 4:30 p.m. on Wednesday and my phone rings. It's Eigh telling me the situation and asking if I could drive to Detroit to meet him and maybe figure out a way to get him across the border. So I race home, pack an overnight bag and hop on the 401 West in a pouring rainstorm. The rain was so goddamn heavy that there were points during that drive when some people were just pulling over and parking their cars at the side of the road. Not me. I don't understand what the point of pulling over is anyway. Just drive through it and it will eventually end, which it did. When I got to the Detroit tunnel, I was getting a little freaked, knowing I was driving underneath all that water and wondering what would happen if it caved in. I am claustrophobic enough as it is. This was also the first time that I felt actual fear about entering the good old U.S of A and I have been to America more times than I can count. I met Eigh at the Days Inn Detroit and it was so great to see him that I basically forgot about all the bullshit that's been going on, at least for a little while. The next day, we find out he's supposed to mail in some dumb form and pay $200 Canadian to apply for a Minister's Permit, which could still be denied. We decided to spend the weekend in Wisconsin and headed for the highway. In Chicago, Eigh decided to take a sort of shortcut route around the main interstate highways, which took us through some very scary looking neighbourhoods in a city I already can't stand. Some bastard in a pick-up truck was behind me at one point and wanted in. I didn't even see him and was driving behind Eigh and didn't want to lose him but I had to let the guy in when he started yelling something like: "Fucking let me in," as if he owned the road. Men normally deal with stress and bad situations by getting angry. So do I (I have been told I was a man in my last life and don't doubt it) but my foolish female hormones kick in and the stupid crying begins. I hate crying and try to stop myself but it seems the floodgates opened a week or so ago and it's tough to close them back up again. So needless to say, I start bawling my eyes out in the car. I was tired and afraid. We somehow managed to get out of Chicago and we're safe and sound in Wisconsin. Now, however, I am completely paranoid about driving back across the country by myself on Sunday. I've heard reports that another terrorist attack could take place in the U.S. this weekend. Wish me luck...
911
I found a strange email in my inbox last Tuesday morning. It was from Nicholas Longo, the CEO of CoffeeCup Software, in regards to the attack on the World Trade Center. It included the line: "We would like to also say on record that if any country is found responsible for these attacks, we call for that country's complete destruction and annihilation." I can understand his anger, but it freaked me out. It was unnerving to see such a personal and emotional reaction sent out under the 'letterhead' of a commercial business. Two days later, Longo sent out another email, offering free software for one day to those who put up a banner for the Red Cross (we didn't get the software, but put up the banner anyway).  Now this disturbed me, because the original url the banner is linked takes you to a page at Amazon, rather than directly to the Red Cross Disaster Relief Fund. Amazon isn't matching donations, so why not cut out the middle man instead of taking the opportunity to advertise their crummy business? Oh that's right, they're money-grubbing bastards. Longo's email ended with an explanation of his previous comments: In my last e-mail I was angry. Now I am angry and saddened. My thoughts were emotional, not political or commercial. I will stand by my conviction that those responsible should not walk with us on this planet. I will though take back the word 'annihilate', this was anger speaking from someone that has now cried for the victims of this attack. This may surprise some people...... I am only human. Anyway kids, check out Rantbox for a perpective on the attack and its aftermath from New York residents. Donate blood to the Red Cross (that's 1-888-2-DONATE in Canada, 1-800-HELP-NOW in the United States) or money, clothing, food etc. to the United Way.
Day of Infamy: How many of us woke up today and had an inkling of the events that changed our world so drastically in the course of a matter of minutes? Not I. Watching the footage of the New York World Trade Center first exploding and then collapsing was shocking and terrifying. The aftermath of that event and the explosion at the Pentagon, could affect generations all over the world for years to come. Is World War III coming? It's very likely. Can us Canadians really blame the U.S. if they seek revenge and perhaps blow up the Middle East? In the next few hours, days or weeks, we could very likely see even much more violence to come. The numbers of innocent people killed in the United States today has not been released yet. It's expected to be many thousands though. What a sad day for our neighbours to the south. My heart goes out to them.
If you grew up watching the Brady Bunch, you must see our latest page, the b.r.a.d.y.c.a.m.s. Chat with the Bradys on our message board. Do it now, or Mike will take the strap to you! And now, an indepth look at the tortured relationship between Jan and Marsha: Many feel that Jan was inferior to Marcia, but I disagree. Look at the similarities. Jan vs. Marcia Jan was busted by Bobby for not setting the table Marcia was busted by Alice for not turning off the hi-fi. Jan thought Aunt Jenny was ugly Marcia thought Charlie was ugly. Jan was devastated over wearing glasses. Marcia was devastated over wearing braces. Jan created an imaginary romance with George Glass. Marcia created an imaginary romance with Dr. Vogel. Jan was named the most popular girl in her class in Jr. High. Marcia was named co-hostess of the Jr. High Banquet. Jan wanted to be an only child. Marcia wanted to disown Cindy after she lost her diary. Jan helped new girl Kerry Hathaway. Marcia helped shy Molly Webber. Jan volunteered Mike to build sets for school play about Benedict Arnold. Marcia volunteered Carol to perform a duet for the Family Frolics. Jan was allergic to Tiger's flea powder. Marcia had new school-itis. Jan wore a silly brunette wig to Lucy Winter's birthday party. Marcia wore a silly brunette wig to trick Kerry Hathaway. Jan tried to rub off her freckles because she was ashamed of her appearance. Marcia tried to hide her nose in the water fountain because she was ashamed of her appearance. Jan got a swollen head after being named Most Popular Girl. Marcia got a swollen head after being named Juliet in the school play. Jan failed to make the pom pom team. Marcia failed to make head cheerleader (Greg chose Pat.) Jan promised Herman that Greg would help him with algebra. Marcia promised her class that Davy Jones would perform at the prom. Jan frantically tries tap dancing, being a drum majorette, and acting trying to find herself. Marcia frantically joins yoga, karate, scuba diving, and the Westdale Boosters trying to find herself. Jan is tricked by Myron the mouse. Marcia is tricked by Jerry Rogers. Jan froze during school debate. Marcia froze during driving test. In a historic moment in Brady history, in episode # 104 "Marcia Gets Creamed," Jan was chosen over Marcia by Mr. Haskell to work at the ice cream parlor. From the wonderful and informative The Brady Residence.
Devil Doll
She came in a lovely little coffin and includes gris-gris dust (used in rituals) and 4 voodoo pins: Red for love. Black for hate. Green for money. Blue for luck. I apologize for the poor quality of the photo I took of Marie tonight. She doesn't photograph very well when she's agitated."
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