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Total Recall
 Mars Mission: Is anyone else as excited as I am, looking at the pictures taken by The Spirit and Opportunity Rovers of the planet right next door to us? I find myself checking CNN every day to see if there are any new pictures. Both NASA vehicles have had their share of problems but this is still the most exciting thing the organization has done in years. I keep thinking back to the night of the infamous eastern seaboard blackout in mid-August, when I knelt at my windowsill for ages, staring up at Mars, so red and so clear and bright in the sky beside the moon. To see good quality photos of the surface of that planet is thrilling beyond words. If NASA is given more funding as the current government is preparing to do (it's one of the few things Bush has done that I actually agree with) the possibilities are endless. During the first moon landing in 1969 I was very young. I vaguely recall my mother sitting me beside her on the couch, telling me I was watching something important. But I don't really remember anything. I like to think that 40 or 50 years from now, I'll be sitting on a couch somewhere, having a smoke and a glass of wine, watching the first manned Mars landing.
Separated at birth?
  Flipping through the red carpet pictures from last night's Golden Globes, I couldn't help but be struck by how Joan Rivers is reminding me less of the Crypt-Keeper, and more of another '80s icon.
I'm telling you, all she needs is Waylon Flowers at her side, and she could be back on Solid Gold. And I've said it before, but I'll say it again: is Nicole Kidman on really good drugs, or is she just dumb as a bag of hammers? Update: See? Look at those eyes! "I am big. It's Tom that got small(er)."
Texas-Tex-Tex-Tex-Texas. YEAHHH!
 I have a scream: Many Howard Dean supporters are stressed because Dean recently got a little too peppy at a pep rally. The Democratic presidential candidate's over-enthusiastic shouts made him sound like he was auditioning for a high school production of Oklahoma.
"He listed all the states where he would go on to win the primary vote and ended by screeching 'and then we're going to Washington DC to take back the White House! Yeeeearrgh!'." link Well, buck up little cowpokes,, and have some fun with Geography with Howard Dean. Don't forget to click on the man himself. And check out Elecampane's take on getting raucous in the caucus. Just want to make you cumma: If this doesn't put a smile on your face, you have a heart of stone: Hey Ya, Charlie Brown. (If this site goes over its bandwidth limit, bookmark it. It's well worth it.) Leave Your Mark: I've added a new comments feature after our dear friend Elecampane started to have problems with backBlog, which is now only allowing her five comments per post on her free account. That just won't do, will it? We'll see how Haloscan works out.
No one's ever really safe
Are they? There were four or five cop cars with their lights flashing just a few houses down the street from me tonight. A chopper was in the sky. I wouldn't have noticed any of it if my brother hadn't just come home and told me to look down the street. It was the last thing I expected to see in this quiet suburban neighbourhood. Earlier tonight, I thought I saw someone walking around in the neighbour's backyard. I figured I was just paranoid because I had smoked some hash so I looked again and saw no one. I remembered that last night around 2 a.m. as I was trying to get to sleep, I thought I heard someone trying to get into the house. I told my brother about it this afternoon because I initially thought it was him coming home and I hadn't expected him back, then I thought it was the next-door neighbours, although I never hear them past midnight. I kept hearing what I thought was someone tugging at the door. It had me a little freaked, maybe for good reason. I wondered if someone had been murdered just up the street, it wouldn't be the first time someone was killed on the same block where I live. Ten years ago, in Barrie, three people about half a block away from me were murdered by a guy I'd actually had in my apartment a year earlier, but that's a whole other story... The police have gone now and there's no yellow police tape around the house, so I'm thinking it was probably a B & E. It's still creepy though. Just last night, I went to the neighbour's place two doors down to watch a movie. I didn't bother locking my door. I thought of the movie Bowling for Columbine and how Michael Moore just walked into Torontonians houses because the doors weren't locked. A lot of people who saw that thought it was bullshit. I did - I always locked my door until I moved in here. There are times when we don't lock up. But we will now. You may think you're safe but are you really?
Did EZBoard break trying to fix our board?
 We've been suffering a lot of downtime on our message board lately, and whenever that occurs I dutifully report it to EZBoard's support forum. This evening the board was down for two hours. Very frustrating.
 Now the whole system seems to be down, just when I wanted to read more of how our favourite Monkey and Crow enjoyed their honeymoon in Vegas.
If you are reading this, you most likely found us through our re-direct domain name WeHateEveryone.com. Thanks to our latest benefactor, the handsome random def, we have a new home. Until we get discovered by the Koreans that is. No matter where we go, we can usually be found at http://whe.has.it, http://bitch.has.it and http://evil.rules.it. Much love and gratitude to Pru, who hosted us for two years at greydude.com. Your unfailing encouragement and generosity have not only been appreciated, but also inspirational.
Who wouldn't want to be Howard Hughes?
 Hibernating Hermit: My brother calls me a recluse. When I get home after work I'm too tired to go out and on the odd weekend that I am home I don't want to leave the house, at all. So what if my favourite thing to do is snuggle up with my cat under an afghan, smoke hash and watch movies all winter?
The other day I was thinking about Howard Hughes. A multi-billionaire, in the last days of his life Hughes never had to leave his house. Now wouldn't that be ideal? According to most reports, Hughes turned into a reclusive drug-addict, living locked in darkened rooms and terrified of germs. He moved from hotel to hotel, from the Beverly Hills Hotel to Boston to Las Vegas, where he bought the Desert Inn (because they threatened him with eviction) and a few other hotel and casinos. Hughes apparently bought television stations such as KLAS-TV in Las Vegas so that there would be something to watch when he was up all night with insomnia, something I can totally sympathize with. He became addicted to codeine (uh oh, I better watch myself with the Tylenol 3's) and other painkillers, wore Kleenex boxes as shoes, let his fingernails and toenails grow to unbearably disgusting lengths and stored his urine in jars. As his body deteriorated, he ended up moving to the Bahamas (because it really is better there), Vancouver, London, and several other places. It seems he always occupied the top floor penthouse with the windows blacked out - and every time he moved out the hotel owners needed to remodel to clean up after him. Hughes died on an airplane enroute from his penthouse in Mexico to the Methodist Hospital in Houston in 1976. I started thinking maybe my brother was right, I was becoming a recluse like Howard Hughes. I hadn't had a haircut since September and hell, who needs to shave their armpits and legs when you don't have a boyfriend and you have to cover them up because of the cold weather every day? Yesterday, I left my reclusive ways behind (for now, anyway). I shaved my legs and pits and got a haircut. I couldn't believe how great it all made me feel. Still, if I had even a fraction of Howard Hughes' money, I think it'd be all too simple to just hide away from the world for years. I have to start buying more lottery tickets!
The Kennedys are worse for your health. Just ask Marilyn.
  I wanna kill: It's the fourteenth. I haven't smoked since New Year's day. It hasn't been too bad until last night and today. Right now I feel I could rip someone to shreds with my teeth.
I'm not sure if it's the smoking or the lack of sleep that's getting to me. My daughter is teething, and has been waking frequently every night since Thursday. She sleeps next to me and nurses, which isn't too bad unless she's screaming out in pain. It's hard to be a wife and mommy when you're this grouchy. Alone time just isn't an option. I had nearly two hours alone last night after taking the kids to playgroup, but then was up again all night with screaming mimi. In retrospect, I'm shocked I haven't had one cigarette, especially since my husband is still smoking in the house. I suppose I should feel proud about not smoking, but it's difficult when I feel so out of sorts. Maybe I'll just settle for being proud I haven't killed anyone yet. 
Smoking links: smokingcelebs.com smokingsides.com
If you look close, you can see my tits
Gimme Mick, gimme Mick, Wavy hair, bulging eyes, lips so thick, Are you woman , are you man? I'm your biggest funked up fan, So rock me, And roll me, 'til I'm sick. Some girls want Travolta, All black and white and slick, But there's funky screamin' mamas yellin' Gimme Mick! A 12 by 5 performance, Take my wife and all that schtick, Makes me dyin' just to meet ya (chorus sung with backup) Spoken: You, Mick Jagger, actually continued to perform in a concert, where someone got knived and killed in the '60s. You, Mick Jagger, are English and go out with a model, and get an incredible amount of publicity. You, Mick Jagger, don't keep regular hours. You, Mick Jagger, have the greatest Rock & Roll band in the history of Rock & Roll and you dont even play an instrument yourself. Backup: Rock and roll, rock and roll... Candy: Rock and roll, rock and roll... Backup: Gimme, gimme, rock and roll.. Candy: Gimme, gimme rock and roll.. (They get into a little 'Gimme' medley, music interlude) (Chorus) Burp - by Candy Slice and the Slicers   Am I the only one out there who remembers this on SNL? Aside from these people, I mean? It was sung by Gilda Radner as Candy Slice, a character loosely modelled after Patti Smith.
These days SNL features Britney and Justin. I never thought I'd miss the seventies and eighties. But some days, I do. I'm just guessing at the lyrics here. Somewhere I still have my copy of Gilda Live on vinyl, but turntable isn't even hooked up anymore.
I'd freeze my balls off if I had any...
The Deep Freeze: My god, could it get any colder? A week ago, we Torontonians were enjoying temperatures of 10 to 15 degrees celcius. Today the high is - 20 C. I guess I shouldn't complain but it's not like I signed up for this deal. When it gets bitterly cold, I blame my parents - couldn't they have moved to Florida or something when I was a little kid? Selfish bastards. The good news is today is Friday and my first week back to work after two weeks vacation has finally come to an end. Now to go home to a peaceful house this evening and smoke myself into oblivion!
Does anyone speak Korean?
We seem to have gone over our hostess's bandwidth allowance, using 24 Gigs of bandwidth in December. This month, in just the first five days, we used 3 Gigs. It turns out a few Korean sites hotlinked images from our Beautiful People section (featuring celebrities without makeup) and their pages have been getting thousands of hits. The bastards didn't even link us! Adding insult to injury, the one page plays the song Lady by Kenny Rogers. I'm thinking it's time for another Korean war.
Just breathe through your nose...
Those of you who don't visit our message board should not miss out on this bit of genius from one of our moderators, mi1k. On the subject of teabagging:
I wonder how many people first learned of teabagging through Sex and the City? The best definition is from urbandictionary.com.
Fear of Flying
 Premonitions: Is it odd that I dreamt about a plane crash last night and woke up this morning to read about an airplane crash in Egypt, killing all 148 people on board?
I lived in a condo on the 19th floor, and during the last few months I was there, I had nightmares about planes crashing into the building. It didn't help that the building was on the Toronto Pearson airport flight path. Occasionally, while flying in or out of Toronto, the plane I was on would fly right by the building and I would spot my own condo. Less than a month after I moved out, the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001 took place. Over the years, I have developed a terrible fear of flying and thankfully haven't been on a plane in almost three years. Planes were not always terrifying to me, in fact, I used to greatly anticipate getting on a plane and loved the take-offs and landings. The last flight I was on, however, gave me a horrible ear infection because the landing was so rough. Both times I vacationed in Puerta Vallarta with my ex, plane crashes occurred - the first was a plane crashing off the California coastline, an Air Alaska, I think and the second time was when the Concorde crashed on July 25, 2000, killing all 109 people on board. On that second trip, the night before we were to fly home, I had a horrible nightmare that I was on an airplane and looked out the window to see the ground coming at me at a horrific rate of speed. I woke up just before the impact to realize I had to get on a plane that very morning. My ex and I had two flights to catch. The first, a small Mexicana plane, was to take us to Mexico City. The second, an Air Canada flight, would take us home to Toronto. At the airport in Puerta Vallarta I was a nervous wreck and I'm sure I was driving my ex nuts. I told him about my nightmare and he said I was just being silly, although he did say he was more concerned with the Mexicana flight than the Air Canada flight. We boarded the Mexicana plane and we were seated in the front row and the plane was so small that we could actually see the pilots, who had left the cock-pit door open. The flight was without incident until we started descending in Mexico City. All of a sudden the pilot was yelling at the co-pilot "levantar, levantar!" I glanced over at my ex, who looked pretty concerned and I asked him if he knew what the guy was saying. "He's saying pull up," he told me and then grabbed my hand. Needless to say, the co-pilot did as he was told and we landed safely. Still, it scared the hell out of me. I can't imagine what it would be like to die that way. Of course, September 11, 2001 did nothing to alleviate my fear of planes and I wonder if I'll ever board one again. A fascinating web site about plane crashes can be found here. The photo above is he second worst disaster in aviation history, March 27, 1977 in Tenerife, Canary Islands killed 583 people. A KLM 747 collided with a Pan Am 747 after the captain of the KLM plane started his takeoff roll without clearance.
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the cock is a perfectly normal, perfectly healthy, beautiful young man.
