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The joy of passing gas
 From the fine people who brought you Everyone Poops...
We've been discussing potty training with my son now and again, but right now he is definitely not interested. Do you want to sit on the potty? "NO!" he shouts, like we just recommended he watch a special two-hour episode of American Idol. Then again, he's been saying 'no' to just about everything these days. And to think, he was such a positive two-year-old. Rarely grumpy or defiant. Now he's acting a little more like his parents. He has peed in his potty a few times, and we jump and cheer in response, like he just scored a winning touchdown. Once he's older, and taking solo trips to the bathroom, shitting will be such a letdown. Where's my applause?? Where's my positive support?? What, no audience? Screw this. Every little thing you teach your child could have such huge consequences. I'm a gentle, calm parent, who doesn't freak out easily. I think this will help save money in psychiatry bills down the line. But when it comes down to specifics, I worry a bit. If I don't potty train him right, he could turn into the next Ted Bundy. He could fling poo at his classmates in Kindergarten. Or worse yet, spell out "I hate my mother" in pee in the snow.
I hab a code too. Don't ask me how I got it. I SAID DON'T ASK!!
The World Is Treating Me Bad - Misery
 I've had a lousy sore throat all week which developed into a nasty head cold yesterday, just in time for my niece's first birthday party, which was held today. I love my sweet little niece, don't get me wrong, but my brother summed up today's party perfectly: "Every time we go to any get-together for Maddy it has to be a huge production with 50 people."
I mean, there are 6 members of our immediate family and my sis invited two of her good friends. So my brother-in-law (who has a big family to begin with) invited every single one of his friends. He spent most of the party drinking in the garage with his buddies. Their tiny townhouse was filled with at least 40 people. It was fucking ridiculous. My niece got so many presents that anything I bought was totally insignificant. I didn't even get to watch her open the presents I got her because there were so many people in front of me I couldn't even see anything. At least my brother-in-law's family and friends are nice, which is more than I can say for my own grandmother. She topped off a basically miserable day (admittedly, I would have had a better time if I hadn't been sick) quite nicely. She's not exactly known for her tact and I know I've been a disappointment to her, never having been married (she's called me an old maid since I turned 30) and without any kids. So as I was leaving she asked: "What did you do to your hair?" I reponded: "I coloured it, why, do you like it?" She made a disgusted face and emphatically said: "No." I just walked away from her. You gotta love getting together with family...
Halloween in July
 Elry reviews Halloween: Resurrection and, guess what? It sucked! This one not only has Jamie Lee Curtis, but also Busta Rhymes and Tyra Banks. Huh?
Up Cripple Creek
 For the first time in 10 months, I put in a full day's work. I signed up with a temp agency last week and today I spent eight hours stuffing and labeling envelopes and binders, standing up the whole time.
Sure, it was boring as hell, my back is fucking aching and I had to soak my feet in the tub for awhile, but I least I can actually say: "I worked today!" The best part - I get to go back not only tomorrow, but every day this week! I may be crippled by Monday...
The True North Strong and Free
 I have visited many places in this great country of mine, from St. John's, Newfoundland to Vancouver, British Columbia and since today is Canada's 135th Birthday, I just wanted to list some cool things that make me proud to be a Canadian.
The Music: The Tragically Hip, Neil Young, KD Lang, Gordon Lightfoot, Alanis Morisette, Tom Cochrane, Oscar Peterson, Crash Test Dummies, Leonard Cohen and Bob Wiseman. The People: The Kids In The Hall, The Royal Canadian Mounted Police, Jean Chretien, Dr. Henry Morgentaler, Peter Mansbridge, Moses Znaimer, Norm MacDonald, Jim Carrey, Mike Meyers, Margaret Atwood and Naomi Klein. The Sports: Our gold medal women's and men's hockey teams, The Toronto Maple Leafs, The Vancouver Canucks, the CFL, The Toronto Raptors, The Vancouver Grizzlies, The Montreal Expos and The Toronto Blue Jays. The Places: The majestic trees of Vancouver's Stanley Park, Montreal's old city section, the beautiful mountains in Jasper and Banff, Alberta, the rolling hills of St. John's and Toronto's CN Tower. The Freedoms: The right to vote (and where every vote is counted), the right to a legal abortion, free health care, a free and mainly uncensored press, the right to an attorney and a trial and freedom of speech. Happy Birthday Canada! I can't ever remember a time when I've been this proud to be a citizen.
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