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It's a bug's life
 VILE AND VULGAR VERMIN: Insects have been stalking me. Since Thursday, I've had run-ins with everything from beetles to centipedes and it all began with a thermal coffee mug.
Last week at work I grabbed a box from a corner of the office to pack up a corporate thermal mug someone had ordered. I innocently placed the box on my desk and what do I see crawling up the side of it? A big fat brown beetle with antenna the length of my fingers. I screamed and even my boss came out of her office to see what had happened. When I got the nerve to look in the box again, it had evidently scurried away. I was unable to even sit at my desk the rest of the day as I had visions of it crawling up my pant leg. Yesterday afternoon, I noticed a bunch of dead fruit flies all over my stove. Any constant reader of this site will remember that fruit flies stalked me last summer. Needless to say, the discovery of these creatures chilled me to the bone. Upon closer inspection of the stove, I noticed the little bastards were also stuck all over the stove light. So I turned the light on and the next thing I spot is a big dead bloated housefly sitting in my beautiful, clean and freshly oiled cast iron frying pan. I threw the pan in the sink and reached in the drawer under the stove for a pot to boil water in. Crawling inside the pot was an eight-legged beast of the vilest nature - yes, I'm talking about a spider. I screamed, threw the pot in the sink, turned the hot water on full blast and boiled the arachnid. And don't try telling me poor little spider's are harmless - I've been bitten by them and spider bites are a lot more painful than most bug bites I've suffered from. This morning, one of the eight-legged beast's pals decided to seek revenge. There I was at 5:30 a.m., still trying to wake up in the shower while waves of warm water streamed all over my body. I reached for my shampoo, applied it, rinsed, poured conditioner on my hair, put my head back and opened my eyes. And there, in the corner on the ceiling was, of course, a big, black spider. I decided that if it just stayed put, I would quickly finish my shower and let it live. The moment the thought popped into my mind, down it dropped on its evil web. I screamed, jumped out of the bathtub soaking wet, grabbed a cup from the sink counter, filled it with water several times and proceeded to drown the nervy pest. As I walked downstairs a few minutes later to get a cup of coffee, it occurred to me that I was being pursued by insects. I was relieved that it was over for the moment though, or so I thought. My thermal coffee mug was in its usual spot on the kitchen counter, right beside the coffeemaker. I smiled as I thought of my first sip of the day, which is always quite pleasurable. After pouring a generous amount of cream in the mug, I filled the remainder with fresh, hot coffee. Just as I was about to put the lid on the mug, a colossal centipede floated to the top of the liquid. Obviously, I screamed, threw the vile liquid in the sink, turned the tap to hot and boiled yet another multi-legged creature in the kitchen sink. My first sip of the day would not be quite as pleasurable as I had imagined. Fortunately, I haven't encountered any more creepy crawlies today. And so, it all ended (I hope) with a thermal coffee mug.
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