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Rubber ducky, you're the one
and the shitty duck from hell.  Last week was rough. All kinds of shit was going down in my life. But let me tell you, you ain’t seen shit fly until you’ve seen the damage our family dog Mr. Happy can do when he puts his pea sized little canine mind to it. Arriving home with my two small children in tow after a grueling day at the office, I joined the kids in greeting Mr. Happy. I took one look at his pathetic, pain-filled brown eyes and I knew that Mr. Happy had committed some sort of vile dog crime against humanity. That’s when it hit me. The smell. The vile smell of Mr. Happy poo. Mr. Happy had pooped and puked in nearly every room in our house.  Alright, so it was looking like dinner would be back burnered for awhile. I grabbed a mop and bucket, donned my latex gloves and got busy with the clean up. Scrubbing away, I worked my way upstairs. There, perched on top of a pile of poo, I saw what appeared to be a chocolate ducky. Upon closer inspection, I realized that this was no present from the Easter Bunny, this duck had been passed through the entrails of our 85 lb Rottweiler. It was the shitty duck from hell.
So what in the world would possess this animal to ingest a rubber ducky? Could Mr. Happy be the hired hitman for Bert from Sesame Street? Had Bert hatched some sort of bizarre plot to eliminate the object of his gay lover Ernie’s affection: the innocent little rubber ducky? Was it a subliminal message planted in Mr. Happy’s impressionable little brain by Art Vandelay, self professed ducky hater? Here is a quote from Mr. Art Vandelay as posted on a public message board:
Indeed blood may roll of a duck’s back even easier than water, but does dog bile? Was Mr. Happy just a pawn in another ducky hater’s fowl game of chess? Well, whatever the root of this evil deed, I feel no pity for the dog who committed the crime. Let him suffer the horrors of severe gastrointestinal distress. It serves him right for subjecting poor little rubber ducky to the distress of passing through the entrails of hell.
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