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Underage Ass

Monday, November 08, 2004

The crack of AvrilI'm frightened of the ass. Lord knows I love me some lowrider jeans (my old jeans now feel like granny panties in comparison), but I'm disturbed whenever I'm confronted by a young woman's butt crack.

It's usually the crack of a teenaged babysitter I'll see, at the park or the library, while she's crouching down to attend to her charge. Sometimes the crack is obscured by a strip of thong panty, but often it's totally bare because she's either commando or wearing bikini panties.

If there is a dad nearby, I love to watch while he nervously tries not to look too obvious while staring down the girl's jeans. If she's really young-looking, though, it just grosses me out.

It's not that I'm a prude. It's just that I'm terrified to think of what body parts will be acceptable to bare in public when my daughter is a teenager.

Will pants be crotchless? Will t-shirts have holes cut out to bare the nipples?

If lowrider jeans are still de rigeur, at least I can feel comforted that I didn't name my daughter Dawn.



Four More Years

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Moron Re-electedOf Living Hell: Insanity prevails in the United States today, at least among a little over half of the population - George Bush was not only re-elected, but won 52 per cent of the popular vote. Like many others in Canada and the rest of the world, from the outside looking in at the madness, I'm not sure whether I should laugh or cry. Most of us outsiders are shaking our heads and wondering how many Americans have amnesia or recently underwent a lobotomy.

Greg Palast , a contributing editor to Harper's magazine, may have hit the nail on the head, which at least gives me some hope that perhaps Bush just stole the election yet again and the majority of my neighbours to the south still have a hold on their sanity.

Whatever the case, on the bright side, if there is one, my fellow message board posters and I will get to enjoy Dubya's antics for another four years and oh yeah, many Americans had claimed that if Bush was re-elected they were moving to Canada. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the majority of them are good-looking single men.

I'm crazy backwards guy! I'm not facing you, I'm facing the other way! Isn't that CRAZY?! Now... gimme some candy!

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Not my kid.There's a fallout from Hallowe'en. Ever since we got back from trick-or-treating Sunday night, my two-year-old daughter has been perpetually sticky.

She just attempted to eat a chocolate this morning, and spat it out (not on the couch, this time, which was nice) and when I picked her up to get her washed off in the kitchen sink I noticed her legs are coated in a thin film of sugar.

If I don't bathe her, by next year she'll be covered in enough goo that I can send her out on Hallowe'en as a candy apple.

I figure only half of the candy she's unwrapping gets eaten: the rest is stuck between the cushions of my couch. Her brother is so conservative in comparison, sneaking a lollipop in the morning, and perhaps a peanut butter cup at noon.

We deigned to shop at Wal-Mart yesterday for new winter boots, and he started begging for bubble gum at the checkout counter. "Don't you think you have enough candy at home?" I asked him. The cashier laughed. "Buddy, did you forget last night was Hallowe'en? You must have tons of candy. You don't need anymore."

Admitting defeat, he spent the whole trip home planning out a Hallowe'en party for next year. I just hope he doesn't use his candy-gobbling sister as a pinata.

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