We Hate Everyone

I love Sundays again

2008-11-22T14:55:00.003-05:00

Hard to believe it but I'm still happy. My new boss is one of the nicest bosses I've ever had. It's a bizarre feeling for me to go to bed on a Sunday night and not be absolutely dreading the next morning. It's like all the hell I've been through in the past five years has finally ended.

You lose some and then you WIN!

2008-08-19T19:53:00.003-04:00

So shit, I lost my job about a month ago. A big shock to me but the guy I worked for was a bad-tempered, disgusting old asshole anyway so to not have to see that asshole ever again will certainly have its benefits.

The problem is, the last time I lost my job, I was out of work for over a year - it was truly a living hell for me. Living on employment insurance is not living - I think I was getting $750 every two weeks (if that). That kind of money would pay for my rent and my car payments and the car insurance and leave me with enough left over for a couple of boxes of Kraft Dinner every month.

What a difference it's been this time around. The day after I lost the job I was sending my resume out to anyone who would take it and Voila - a week later I got a call and had an interview scheduled. I walked into that interview as confident as ever and a week after that, I got the damn job.

On Friday, I got a nice little severance pay from my last employer deposited into my bank account and on Monday, I started my new job. I'm exhausted but loving the way things have worked out.

Salesman!

2008-06-30T18:06:00.005-04:00

I forgot how much I still love Pee Wee Herman until I watched some episodes of Pee Wee's Playhouse and the movie Pee Wee's Big Adventure this weekend with Whe and her kids.

Her 5-year-old daughter and 9-year-old son seem to enjoy Pee Wee as much as Whe and I did when we were in our 20s (we've obviously always been very mature) and it was truly a joy to share something we loved 20 years ago with a whole new generation who appreciate him.

Pee Wee's charm transends decades and I still think it's tragic that such a bright career came to such a crashing end just because Paul Reubens made that stupid mistake in a movie theatre so many years ago.

A Happy Memory

2008-06-30T17:59:00.002-04:00

On the weekend, I was over at Whe's and heard the song "Hot Child in the City." It reminded me of the song I used to sing to torment my younger sister when we were kids.

Hot child in the smugly
Running wild, looking ugly

Whe asked me what the fuck a smugly is and I really don't know. All I know is that ridiculous parody song was a highly effective form of torture against my younger sister.

Car accidents and bomb plots

2006-06-04T15:06:00.000-04:00

A week that started with some fuctard rear-ending me, causing me back and neck pain and the loss of my car for over a week, was topped off by a bunch of terror suspects getting arrested yesterday. Their plot included bombing the CSIS headquarters in Toronto, located on Front Street near the CN Tower . My fucking office is on Front Street and I can see the CN Tower right across the street. It kind of scared the shit out of me reading about it. I gotta tell you, one of the worst ways to die, to me, would be dying at work. I can't imagine the kind of chaos a bomb going off on Front Street would cause.

Anyway I had to get xrays on Friday, and the medication my doctor prescribed for the pain seems to be exacerbating the heartburn problem I developed a few years ago when I was unemployed. Foods don't seem to bring it on that often but stress sure as hell does and I've been stressed out from work and this stupid accident. I'm sucking back Zantac's like they're candy.

I'll be getting the xray results from my doctor this week and hopefully they will show nothing unusual.

Just call me Laura Ingalls

2006-04-27T18:18:00.000-04:00

If you pour yourself a glass of wine two minutes after you get home from work, does that make you an alcoholic? If so, then count me in. To my credit, I waited until I checked the hot water tap in my kitchen. Freezing cold water poured out. Again. I immediately reached into my cupboard for a wine glass, opened the fridge, grabbed my chardonnay and filled 'er up. I haven't had hot water since last night at about 7 p.m.

Unfortunately, I'm used to this bullshit. I moved into my new apartment at the end of November and this is the fourth time the hot water isn't working.

The other three times it's happened I've thought: "Well, thank god I'm not on my period." Well guess what? The fourth time's the charm.

Last night, before bed, I was washing my hands in the bathroom sink and it was at that moment that I realized the hot water wasn't working. Figuring it probably wouldn't be working in the morning either, I put a huge pot on the stove, filled it with water, filled my electric kettle with water and hoped I wouldn't have to use them in the morning.

As soon as I woke up, I noticed I didn't hear any showers running in the whole building. I knew what I had to do. I jumped out of bed, turned on the burner, plugged in the kettle and waited while my coffee brewed.

Once the water was boiled, I dragged the huge pot into the bathroom, along with a big plastic bowl I own. I mixed it with a bit of cold water from the tap (I had lots of it!), poured it over my head and body with a plastic measuring cup and managed to condition my hair and sort of clean my body.

Standing there in my bathtub, pouring water over myself, I thought of Little House on The Prairie and how people 150 years ago had to boil water on a wood stove and put it in a huge barrel to bathe. No wonder they only took baths once a month but boy, they must have stank.

I've just started my second glass of wine, which probably isn't good, but I don't give a damn at the moment. I can't imagine having to go through the same crap tomorrow morning but it's looking like I'll have to. Wish me luck.

technorati

2006-02-13T18:24:00.000-05:00

Testes?

2006-02-05T15:30:00.000-05:00

I didn't know you could upload pictures to Blogger now. If only this had been an option six years ago.

PostSecret

2005-06-02T13:16:00.000-04:00

See, now this is what blogs should be about: posting the innermost thoughts that haunt you day to day. The dirty laundry you are just dying to hang out to dry. PostSecret

Temptation

2005-05-29T02:28:00.000-04:00

I feel like Frank from Hellraiser right now. The scene in Hellraiser II in which Frank can see these two naked women writhing under a sheet but then when he tries to touch them, they disappear. It's like these opportunties present themselves to me but then, inevitably, something happens to take it away. Maybe I'm just too damn hopeful or something. Whatever it is, I feel like I'm going to go through another year of torture.

Fuck, I need to get laid.

A New Decade

2005-05-22T23:07:00.000-04:00

I was thinking the other day that my end of decade years always suck smelly balls. I really seem to come into my own at the beginning of a decade. I always weigh less, I always have a new, enjoyable job and I always seem to be able to get laid.

So it is with that realization that I actually welcome this, the beginning of my 4th decade of life. I weigh less than I did last year and I'm working hard on getting a new job. As for the getting laid, that will come once I truly feel happy again. And I know how I will find that happiness again - anonymity. I need to be able to pull into an anonymous apartment building parking lot and not be bombarded by bullshit.

I'm determined that the beginning of this new decade of my life will be as happy as the rest have been and for that to happen, I need to get my shit in gear and get my own place again. Maybe then I'll feel like my new decade has finally begun.

Two days away from the Big 4-0

2005-05-16T19:05:00.000-04:00

And I'm still finding good reasons to hate people, such as:

1.) There is a surprise 40th birthday party for you and two of your friends aren't there because one person has told the person holding the party that "I won't go if they're invited." Whose birthday was it again? Oh yeah, mine.

2.) At the same party, as you're opening your gifts, your mother hands you a card and says: "We didn't get you anything but here's a card." Thanks, cheapskate.

3.) The next morning, you wake up hungover and get your period as an added bonus. Well, that's not really a reason to hate people, it's just a reason to hate life.

But then again, Whe, Mr. Whe and their kids were at the party - it brought tears to my eyes when Mini-Whe jumped out from the living room yelling my name - and my nieces and my sister and brother were there too, so all was not lost.

The big 4-0 is almost here and it doesn't feel as devestating as I imagined it would. It helps that I've dropped about 12 pounds since March - and I'm down to a size 9 for the first time in four years. And I can't tell you how many people have been shocked to hear I'm turning 40. Maybe people really aren't so bad afterall. Ah hell, who am I kidding, of course they are!

Fuck you Finkleman

2005-03-29T10:36:00.001-05:00

Last night's season finale of The Newsroom was the most bizarre and boring pile of garbage I have ever seen on Canadian television. OK, admittedly I wouldn't put it on the same level as trash like Train 48 or Check it Out but it still stank like a garbage strike on a hot summer day.

Writer, director, creator and star of The Newsroom, Ken Finkleman (George), turned the usually acerbic, witty show into an animated dream episode where the characters discussed serious ideas about relationships and infidelity.

Just shortly before the episode aired last night, CBC showed a preview featuring dim witted anchorman Jim Walcott (played by Peter Keleghan) being told he was going to Kabul. His response: "Oooh, the Carribbean." It got me pumped for the finale and then that segment was mysteriously missing from the episode that aired.

I spent most of the half hour the show was on looking at my watch, wondering how much time this over-rated asshole was going to waste on this pathetic cartoon. As it turned out, he wasted 20 minutes on it, leaving about three minutes of air time for the regular characters.

Finkleman turned what could have been an excellent finale into an intellectualized, dark-themed episode. My tastes are a bit more lowbrow. I appreciate comedy and laughter, neither of which could be found on last night's season finale of The Newsroom.

Leave it to Beaver

2005-01-15T20:32:00.000-05:00

Check this out first before the next time you shave your clam: Muffy's World of Vagina Euphemisms! (STARMA.COM)

What's up with Jack Nastyface, though? Does it have something to do with Jack Nicholson's makeup when he played The Joker in the first Batman movie?

That's some gash on his mug.

The Week From Hell In Review

2005-01-08T13:16:00.000-05:00

After months of speculation about their relationship, Brad and Jennifer have split! Now maybe he will finally publicly acknowledge his feelings for me. Oddly enough, he hasn't answered any of the countless emails I've sent him.

Thank the Goddess for some good news because the rest of my week was a total bust. I should have realized that the nightmare I had on Tuesday night (about vampire-zombies and involving a familiar-looking huge white house that I've dreamt about many times) was a bad omen. I woke up in the middle of the night screaming and panting and absolutely terrified. Despite this, I went back to work on Wednesday feeling pretty good about the New Year. Yeah, I still hate my boss, but while she was away for the month of December, I had gotten myself pretty damn organized and was ready to tackle anything that came my way in January. Or so I thought.

I may as well throw all that planning and hard work into a fire because the other woman in my department quit the day I returned. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for her but the hell I will go through after she leaves makes me pretty damn sad and angry for myself. My co-worker joined the company just a little over a year ago. When her predecessor quit, it took my idiot of a boss four months to replace him. Those four months were four of the most stressful in my life.

I'm already being handed all of this woman's work while history repeats itself: I'm good enough to do all the work while my boss searches for someone else who'll probably only stay in the position for a year but I'm not good enough to be promoted.

Come on Brad, take me away from all of this!

Today's Weather Report is dedicated to my favourite hunky Canadian, Randomdef.

-1 Degree Celcius, Overcast

More Freezing Rain

2005-01-05T19:57:00.000-05:00

Goddamn it - there's supposed to be a mixture of freezing rain, ice pellets and 10 cm of snow coming our way tomorrow. Arghh!

Tonight's Weather Report -6 Degrees Celcius (windchill -13) - Overcast

Happy 2005 Fuckers!

2005-01-02T22:55:00.000-05:00

As I worried about driving home today in the freezing rain (and ultimately deciding to just stay at Whe's for another day), I couldn't help but think about what a fucking idiot I was being. Considering people in Asia are standing by helplessly as the body count rises hourly from the killer tsunami's that hit the region the day after christmas, what in the hell was a little freezing rain?

Most of the film footage I saw on the Tsunami Network (a.k.a. CNN) seemed so fucking unreal that I kept reminding my brain that no I was not watching one of the many disaster films (like Deep Impact, The Day After Tomorrow, etc.) I'm so fond of, this was a real-life, horrible event that had really taken place.

Although it happened so late in the year, there's no doubt in my mind that it will be the main thing 2004 will be remembered for.

Tonight's Weather Report - 3 degrees Celcius and overcast.

Pruno: It's not what you might think

2004-12-13T19:37:00.000-05:00

You learn something new every day. My new thing for today is how to make Pruno, a vile mix of fermented fruit salad and ketchup made by prisoners to get really, really high.

Ask that little prison bitch you've had your eye on to split one of these with you and he'll be tossing salads like the caterer at a weight-loss convention.

A lot of you don't bother following links (I know I don't), but you have to read the recipe. It's not just funny; it's informative and vomit-inducing.

And couldn't we all stand to lose a few pounds before X-Mas?

Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?

2004-12-08T23:51:00.000-05:00

My boss is away on vacation in ANOTHER COUNTRY until January 4th.

Today was one of the neighbour's birthdays. There were about 10 of us sitting around a table, drinking, smoking and anticipating a joke the birthday boy's friend was about to play on him.

About two hours after I arrived, their doorbell rang, his girlfriend got up to get it, then she called his name.

The birthday boy gets up from the table and starts walking into the living room, where he encounters a really big policeman, who his girlfriend has just let into the house.

"I understand the vans parked on the street outside belong to your guests," the cop says to him. "And I smell something too, is that marijuana?" The cop then took the neighbour's left wrist in his hand and slapped a cuff on it.

The birthday boy was dumbfounded and in shock, letting the cop put his right arm behind his back without a struggle of any kind, cuffing his other hand and locking both hands in place. As I watched, I imagined he was thinking: "I'm getting arrested on my birthday, fucking great."

Then the birthday boy's girlfriend cued some disco music, the cop pushed the handcuffed neighbour into a chair and started dancing and taking off his clothes.

Every witness to this event was in hysterics. Most of us laughed still for hours afterward.

In the last couple of days, I've had a couple of really shitty things happen to me and holy shit did I ever need to laugh like this.

As of December 24th, I'm off work until January 5th. Sometimes, life can be shitty, and sometimes it just turns around. Funny how that can happen, huh? And right when you need it. Maybe there really is a goddess up there looking out for me.

Underage Ass

2004-11-08T14:04:00.000-05:00

I'm frightened of the ass. Lord knows I love me some lowrider jeans (my old jeans now feel like granny panties in comparison), but I'm disturbed whenever I'm confronted by a young woman's butt crack.

It's usually the crack of a teenaged babysitter I'll see, at the park or the library, while she's crouching down to attend to her charge. Sometimes the crack is obscured by a strip of thong panty, but often it's totally bare because she's either commando or wearing bikini panties.

If there is a dad nearby, I love to watch while he nervously tries not to look too obvious while staring down the girl's jeans. If she's really young-looking, though, it just grosses me out.

It's not that I'm a prude. It's just that I'm terrified to think of what body parts will be acceptable to bare in public when my daughter is a teenager.

Will pants be crotchless? Will t-shirts have holes cut out to bare the nipples?

If lowrider jeans are still de rigeur, at least I can feel comforted that I didn't name my daughter Dawn.

Four More Years

2004-11-03T21:09:00.000-05:00

Of Living Hell: Insanity prevails in the United States today, at least among a little over half of the population - George Bush was not only re-elected, but won 52 per cent of the popular vote. Like many others in Canada and the rest of the world, from the outside looking in at the madness, I'm not sure whether I should laugh or cry. Most of us outsiders are shaking our heads and wondering how many Americans have amnesia or recently underwent a lobotomy.

Greg Palast , a contributing editor to Harper's magazine, may have hit the nail on the head, which at least gives me some hope that perhaps Bush just stole the election yet again and the majority of my neighbours to the south still have a hold on their sanity.

Whatever the case, on the bright side, if there is one, my fellow message board posters and I will get to enjoy Dubya's antics for another four years and oh yeah, many Americans had claimed that if Bush was re-elected they were moving to Canada. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the majority of them are good-looking single men.

I'm crazy backwards guy! I'm not facing you, I'm facing the other way! Isn't that CRAZY?! Now... gimme some candy!

2004-11-02T09:32:00.000-05:00

There's a fallout from Hallowe'en. Ever since we got back from trick-or-treating Sunday night, my two-year-old daughter has been perpetually sticky.

She just attempted to eat a chocolate this morning, and spat it out (not on the couch, this time, which was nice) and when I picked her up to get her washed off in the kitchen sink I noticed her legs are coated in a thin film of sugar.

If I don't bathe her, by next year she'll be covered in enough goo that I can send her out on Hallowe'en as a candy apple.

I figure only half of the candy she's unwrapping gets eaten: the rest is stuck between the cushions of my couch. Her brother is so conservative in comparison, sneaking a lollipop in the morning, and perhaps a peanut butter cup at noon.

We deigned to shop at Wal-Mart yesterday for new winter boots, and he started begging for bubble gum at the checkout counter. "Don't you think you have enough candy at home?" I asked him. The cashier laughed. "Buddy, did you forget last night was Hallowe'en? You must have tons of candy. You don't need anymore."

Admitting defeat, he spent the whole trip home planning out a Hallowe'en party for next year. I just hope he doesn't use his candy-gobbling sister as a pinata.

GI Joe had Brillo hair

2004-10-29T19:07:00.000-04:00

What every girl wants for X-Mas: The Sid Vicious action figure. Action figure? Just how much action can one expect from a heroin-addicted bass player? Particularly one who's been dead since 1979.

Maybe it's got Kung Fu grip to hold a knife for stabbing Nancy.

Why has he got burned with revengeful thought? The peace and happiness at the name of human beings... IT'S HORRORSHOW!! NADSAT AS KHOROSHO!!

Scary stuff

2004-10-28T14:46:00.000-04:00

Just in time for Hallowe'en, these costumes should not be missed (whether you have kids or not). I can't decide whether my favourite is the grieving presidential widow or "The Littlest Prisoner at Abu Ghraib."

Even scarier stuff: someone found our site while doing a search on "11-year-old fuck." He must not know English so good, if he found the results from our site intriguing.

2. ________ Before I die, I'm gonna fuck me a fish We Hate Everyone
.. Despite a battle with her former mother-in-law to keep custody of Frances Bean, Courtney's 11-year-old daughter with Kurt Cobain, she continues to act like a..

Yes, we've moved again. I thought we'd give Blogspot a shot. Hello all you Blogspotters who are passing through. Any hints on good spots for hosting pics would be welcome.

Take off!

2004-10-20T22:46:00.000-04:00

Who Gives A Flying Fuck About Celine Dion? Air Canada laid off thousands of workers during its restructuring. Unionized workers gave up more than $1 billion a year in salaries and benefits and made many concessions in working conditions.

Then yesterday morning, at Toronto's Lester B. Pearson Airport, Celine Dion appeared at a big party for the airline's employees. Dressed in the new Air Canada uniform of Midnight Blue with Silver Sky lining, the skeleton that breathes sang three songs, including,"You and I Were Meant to Fly."

I saw this bullshit last night on the news and wondered what the hell Air Canada CEO Robert Milton could be thinking, considering the airline just emerged from 18 months of bankruptcy protection. How much did they pay that money-grubbing media whore Celine Dion? It had to be millions.

It's enough to make the average person boycott the bastards. If I ever fly again I know I'll think twice before I'll fly on an airline that values a multi-millionaire non-talent over its own employees.

Air Canada thinks it's in take-off mode but if others see yesterday's little publicity stunt the same way I do, the airline could be in for another crash landing.

Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair

2004-10-02T01:30:00.000-04:00

See now, all Jennifer C. had to do was shake her hair loose, and she could have avoided much scorn. Jennifer Crisafulli, the most recent victim of The Donald's cobra-like firing, has a new website, and it's gonna be yooge.

Fans of the show might want to check it out. It even features a quote from Donald Trump! Mind you, it's a flattering one: "She's very tough and she is very smart." Nothing about how easy it was to fire her. No comments from Carolyn telling her to keep her fucking yap shut.

Of course her website is all spin, with nothing about her recent real life firing, for making anti-semitic remarks, from the Manhattan firm where she was a real estate agent.

An official with the Manhattan firm Prudential Douglas Elliman said Thursday that Crisafulli, a 32-year-old real estate agent with the firm, would not be welcomed back because of comments she made on Wednesday night's episode of "The Apprentice." ...

"I'm so upset," she said. "I mean, my career is gone."

The 1990 graduate of the Academy of the Holy Names was shown on "The Apprentice" Wednesday making disparaging remarks about two women whom she believed gave a negative review to a restaurant her team opened. The team lost and project manager Crisafulli was later fired by star Donald Trump.

"It was those two old, Jewish fat ladies," she told teammates. "Really. They were like the pinnacle of the New York jaded old bags."

Elliman received calls Thursday protesting the remarks. Crisafulli believes most complaints came from "jealous brokers."

The full story.

I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world

2004-09-29T22:24:00.000-04:00

Was soooo glad to see clueless bitch Jennifer fired tonight on The Apprentice. At least you got to meet Mike Piazza, asshole. Ha ha ha! I disliked her on sight just for her outdated hairstyle alone.

She looks like Barbie from the 1950s.

Those women are so useless. In the beginning, Pamela ("The Penis") was smart to side with the men, especially considering how whiny all the chicks were about the prospect. "Boys are scary."
:: giggle ::

I disliked Raj at first, having dismissed him as a Tucker Carlson wannabe, but he has grown on me and I hope he goes far in the show, if only to see his full array of bow ties.

What's with "Little Stacy" R, also known as The Munchkin? Stacy, you would command more respect if you wore a suit that fits, in a colour other than black, and got a real haircut. Just because you fit in Mommy's clothes doesn't mean you should play dress-up on national t.v.

I also caught Lost, and had no idea LOTR's Merry was in it (playing a drug addict nonetheless). I liked how the prisoner turned out to be Kate, and that was a nice twist with the cop being the guy with the shard of metal in his torso.

The big guy was cool. It's nice to see a variety of characters, although I've yet to see any ugly women.

It's too bad I missed the pilot episode. I can imagine BeX is in heaven with all the recurring plane crash scenes.

Butterflies and Peanut Butter

2004-09-14T06:44:00.000-04:00

This afternoon my son goes for his second day of Kindergarten, and I'm still nervous for him. I have no idea why. He LOVES school, and would probably enjoy full days if they were available.

So why can't I stop feeling the anxieties I suffered as a child? I felt nauseous every morning in grade school.

Fortunately, I've not passed on any stress to him. His only worries have been that Mommy won't let him take a sword to school, and we can't drive to Tim Horton's for doughnuts because Daddy has the car.

My only real concern is what to pack the boy for a snack, because he's one of those kids who will eat virtually nothing but peanut butter. Because there are children out there in the world with deadly allergies, peanuts have become anathema in our times. Peanuts are banned from his school. I don't know if there are actually any children in the school who are allergic. There are permanent anti- peanut signs throughout the school, so it doesn't seem to matter either way.

Now, I wouldn't make light of a situation where a child has a deadly peanut allergy, but why are peanuts being automatically banned whether it's necessary or not? Oh yeah, lawsuits.

Pity the poor peanut farmer.

In an entirely unrelated note, have you ever heard of the band Dead Chretiens? Here is the Dead Chretiens Official Website.

monty python - lego style

2004-08-27T23:49:00.000-04:00

Monty Python, Lego-style

Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot. He was not afraid to die, oh brave Sir Robin. He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways, brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin. He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp, or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken. To have his kneecap split, and his body burned away, and his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin. His head smashed in and heart cut out, and his liver removed, and his bowels unplugged, and his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off and his penis split...

You Know Who You Are

2004-08-26T18:26:00.000-04:00

Dedicated to the ones I hate:

Everything About You
Ugly Kid Joe

I, hate the rain and sunny weather,
and I, hate the beach and mountains too;
(and) I don't like a thing about the city, no, no and I, I, I, hate the country side too !

and I, hate everything about you !
.. everything about you !

I don't like a thing about your mother,
and I, I hate your daddy's guts too,
I don't like a thing about your sister, no, no
'cause I, I, I, think sex is overrated too.

and I, get sick when I'm around,
I, can't stand to be around
I, hate everything about you !
everything about you, everything about you,
everything about you

Some say I got a bad attitude,
but that don't change the way I feel about you,
If you think all this might be bringing me down,
look again cause I ain't wearin' no frown !

I don't really care about your sister
forget the little bitch 'cause I already kissed her
One thing that I did to your lady
put her on the bed and she didn't say maybe
I know you know everybody knows
the way it comes, the way it goes
you think it's sad well that's too bad
'cause I'm havin' a ball and never cared a thing about you

Everything about you, everything about you
I get sick when I'm around
I can't stand to be around
I hate everything about you

Can you tell I've got a cold, a headache AND I'm PMSing?

Dude writes like a lady

2004-08-16T10:19:00.000-04:00

The Gender Genie is an Internet tool used to predict the gender of an author. I used it on all our posts from May to now. It decided that half my posts were written by a man, and half by a woman. All of BeX's posts were apparently written by a man. I knew that girl was hiding a penis somewhere.

Try it on your own writing and share your results.

A Friday The 13th Confession

2004-08-13T12:25:00.000-04:00

I want to be a supervillain: If the average human being only uses about 37 per cent of his or her brain in an entire lifetime, I think I’m using about 40.

I claim at least one percentage point for the simple fact that I'm a Slider (no, I can't slide into other dimensions like on the TV show) which means I am able to affect electricity with my brainwaves. Light bulbs sometimes pop when I walk into a room, street lights commonly go out when I walk underneath them, especially if I'm angry. I’m usually not shutting down lights on purpose, although occasionally, by sheer force of will, I can look up at a street light and *poof* - the light goes boom. It's like I unleash a sort of lightening rod from my brain that emanates to the socket.

This is a talent I’ve had for years and I’m pretty damn proud of it. As of today, though, I'm going to claim another 2 per cent because I have discovered a whole new power inside of me.

I'm not psychic - I can't predict the future. But it seems I can change the future, if I concentrate on it hard enough. I've discovered, especially over the past couple of weeks, that I can make bad things happen to people I don't like. Not terrible bad things, just minor bad things.

It's Friday the 13th and all week long I've been concentrating on something bad happening to my boss on this very day. She was supposed to fly home from England and I wanted something to happen to the airplane. I didn't want the plane to crash or anything, because I would feel guilty for the rest of my life (or at least the rest of the day) so I just wanted something to happen so she wouldn't get home.

Well guess what? She's not on a plane home today, stupidly, she forgot a major piece of identification and they would not let her on her flight. She'll be stuck in another country for the entire weekend and won't be back in the office until Tuesday at the earliest.

I wouldn't have thought much of this, except for the fact that about two weeks ago, I concentrated on the idea/hope that my grandmother would not be at my parent's 40th Anniversary party. Again, I didn't want anything terrible to happen, I just didn't want her at the party, because she can't stand me and I can't stand her. As it turned out, my grandmother had to go into the hospital for a couple of days due to dehydration. She's fine now but was unable to make the party. SCORE!

About three years ago, I was supposed to fly to Atlanta with my former boss to attend a trade show. A week before we were to leave, I kept hoping, wishing and concentrating on the idea that somehow he would miss the plane. On the day of the flight, as I sat in a row by myself as the plane taxied on the runway before takeoff, I realized that my wish had come true - he had missed the flight.

Was it just a coincidence or did I will it to happen?

I'm thinking I should try concentrating on good things and willing them to happen. But when I really think about it, being a little bit evil is a lot more fun. And who knows, maybe if I combine Sliding with will power, I could shoot down my enemies with bolts of electricity, on Friday the 13th.

A little something for Bob

2004-08-10T14:01:00.000-04:00

Runway Flash: My husband mentioned a co-worker was nearly heartbroken when The Simple Life went off the air last week.

I figured he must be a big fan of Paris "That's hot" Hilton but, no, he seems to be one of the few out there who actually prefers sexy bitch Nicole Ritchie.

I remembered stumbling across this picture on the Internet, and figured he might enjoy it. This one's for you, Bob.

Here's hoping one of Nicole's ex lovers from her herion-shooting days comes out with a sex video you can enjoy.

May all others forgive me.

...

Yes, that includes you, Jackie.

If Paris Hilton wrote poetry.

La la la la la la la

2004-08-10T12:13:00.000-04:00

Could life get any better? Well, of course it could. I have PMS; my house is slightly torn up while my husband replaces our knob and tube wiring; I have a raging headache; my 21-month-old daughter keeps waking up in the middle of the night and crying for at least an hour.

BUT my son's best friend (a six-year-old from Hell) has been gone since Saturday afternoon, staying with his father at a rented cottage. No knock on my door every morning at eight as he lies that his mother gave him permission to eat breakfast at our house. No knock on the door again at nine as he feigns an apology for fighting with my son. No afternoon visits disturbing my daughter's nap. Hell, the only person who's been at my door has been the mailman.

I'm lovin' it!

Happy Birthday Canada!

2004-07-01T13:56:00.000-04:00

It's all in the name: As Canada turns 137 today, I thought it'd be cool to explore what we could have been named, from the Canadian Government website, and provide some words that are unique to Canada and often confuse our neighbours to the south, from An American's Guide to Canada.

Although time has indelibly imprinted "Canada" on the map of the northern half of the continent of North America, numerous other names were suggested for the proposed confederation in 1867. Among these were: Albertsland, Albionora, Borealia, Britannia, Cabotia, Colonia, Efisga (a combination of the first letters of England, France, Ireland, Scotland, Germany, and Aboriginal lands), Hochelaga, Norland, Superior, Transatlantia, Tuponia (an acrostic for the United Provinces of North America), and Victorialand.

While the Dictionary of Canadianisms lists ten possible explanations for the word (ranging from Spanish Acan Nada to a form of Canara or Canata, a place name in southern India), the generally accepted origin may be traced to the writings of Jacques Cartier in 1536. While sailing up the St. Lawrence River, Cartier noticed that the Indians referred to their settlements as kanata, which, from its repetition, the French took to be the name of the entire country. Such it was destined to become in 1867.

My personal favourite alternate name is Superior. Wouldn't it be great to say you're from a place called Superior?

Words and phrases unique to Canada

fin
Five dollars, in a bill or coins. May be a local Montréal term. "Spot me a fin, eh?"

loonie
A dollar. The Canadian $1 coin has a loon (the bird) on the back.

pogey
Unemployment benefits. "I'm getting pogey" means, as the British would say, "I'm on the dole."

toque
Rhymes with "kook." A kind of hat, ubiquitous in wintertime.

no-see-um
small biting insect

frog
A derogatory anglophone term for Quebecers.

poutine (pron. poo-TEEN)
Quebecois specialty. French fries covered in cheese curds and gravy. Hyurgh.

Rockets
Small, chalky candies packaged in rolls wrapped in clear plastic.

Shreddies
A brand of breakfast cereal, vaguely resembling Chex.

Smarties
Not the ones you're used to seeing in the US. In Canada, Smarties are a candy resembling M&Ms. They do melt in your hand, and they're a lot sweeter. Smarties conoisseurs eat the red ones last.

Timbits
Do(ugh)nut holes from Tim Horton's. Several people with dark senses of humo(u)r have pointed out to me that these were introduced shortly after Tim Horton, a famous and beloved hockey player who started the chain, was killed in a car accident.

klick
Kilometer, or kilometer per hour. "Better slow down, Vern, the limit's 90 klicks here. Hand me the bottle."

pissed
drunk (not generally used to mean "angry," as it is in the States).

Molson muscle
Not a drink itself, but the potbelly one gets from drinking too much beer.

stubby
A short-necked, fat beer bottle once used by Canadian breweries. Very hard to find now.

Swish
A kind of liquor made from putting water into barrels that have previously held some sort of alcohol (whisky, brandy, whatever) and letting the alcohol leach out of the wood. Drunk by university students who like to go blind.

twenty-sixer
A bottle of liquor containing 26 ounces. Sometimes called a "two-six" or a "twixer." This term is outdated; the equivalent bottle now contains 750 milliliters.

two-four
A package containing twenty-four bottles of beer.

Anyway, Happy Canada Day to my fellow Canucks and try not to drink too many two-fours, eh?

Cold weather, Cold soup, Cold bitch...

2004-06-27T16:47:00.000-04:00

Brrr: This weekend was unusually chilly for the end of June, which was kind of disappointing. To top that off, I was subjected to a bowl of Vichyssoise (cold potato & leek soup, which I actually enjoyed) and as usual, I had to endure a late Friday afternoon rant from my cold bitch of a boss.

She called me into her office to tell me that she'd heard I'd been interested in another position within the company and that she would never recommend me for it. Considering the fact that no one likes her there, I should have thanked her. The bitch then proceeded to cut to shit every line I had written for the employee newsletter I'm responsible for.

Most of her "advice" about my writing, was stuff my journalism instructor would have cringed at: I shouldn't start a paragraph with quote marks; I should always explain that the person is commenting before the actual quote and I should never list people's titles with their names because, according to her, all 300 employees know the titles of everyone at head office. My favourite bit of advice was this though: re-write and/or make up people's quotes. She said I should always change what people say to make a story "read better". I told her I was taught that changing people's quotes was totally unethical. She said she always changed people's quotes because it was "the professional thing to do".

While she was ranting and raving about my terrible writing skills, I started to envision the scene from Swimming With Sharks, where Guy (Frank Whaley) ties his horribly abusive boss Buddy Ackerman (Kevin Spacey) to a chair and proceeds to cut off pieces of his hair, give him paper cuts on his face and scalp and then pours condiments like Lee & Perrins and vinegar all over his head. That actually made me smirk a little while she was yelling at me.

It seems fitting that as I ate my cold soup on a cold Saturday afternoon a day later, I remembered one of my favourite sayings: Revenge is a dish best tasted cold. I have the feeling it'll be delicious...

Have you ever cut your own hair?

2004-06-24T09:52:00.000-04:00

Viggo no more: My son has refused a haircut for months because he's been trying to grow it long "like "Aragorn."

However, the past week we've been doing lots of crafts and he keeps saying he wants to cut his own hair with his Crayola scissors. While I prepared lunch yesterday, Mini Whe took out a big chunk of hair at the front, right to the scalp.

I had to turn my head to hide my disappointment that his beautiful, blond hair would need to be shaved down to match the missing patch. It's funny how I had such an emotional reaction to it, despite months of trying to convince my son to cut his hair.

I kept reminding myself of the time Elecampane's daughter did the same thing. It must be so much worse for a little girl. When you are a prepubescent girl with short hair, anytime you wear something remotely unisex, people assume you're a guy.

At the haircutting place that evening, I explained to the hairdresser that we wanted to salvage as much hair as possible. Because the patch was so short, we're talking millimeters here.

"Would you like me to keep the length in back?" she asked cautiously. I've got to admit I was a little offended she would suggest a mullet.

He now has a short do with a bald patch that will hopefully fill in a bit in a week or so. But I guess he'll have to wait until puberty before he looks remotely like Aragorn. In the meantime, we'll settle for this.

What, no cheezy poofs?

2004-05-25T12:10:00.000-04:00

Can Spaderboy live without snacky cakes? Just as McDonald's is introducing a "healthier" menu, featuring such fat-laden salads as the Crispy Chicken California Cobb, our dear friend Spaderboy is conducting an experiment that is sure to put Entenmann's Bakery out of business.

He's giving up junk food.

Now anyone remotely familiar with Spader knows the man lives by the triumvirate of crap: sugar, grease and salt.

So this experiment is, as he calls it, "Super Size Me in reverse."

I loves me some cake and pie. I live for soda and chocolate. But I need to do this. I need to find out if my diet is making me crazy. I need to find out if my diet is sucking the life from me. This is not about the size of my pants. This is not about how good I would look in a bathing suit. None of that matters to me. I have a wife that loves me as is. No, this is about my soul. This is about regaining control of a like manipulated by the mass market corporations. This is about bettering my health. This is about me, inside and out.

More than halfway through the experiment, Spader has met his goal and avoided processed foods (unless you count such vegetarian delights as Trader Joe's Soy Nuggets with whole wheat breading, and a traditional slice of wedding cake on his one year anniversary).

Can he do it? Check with the monkey and see.

The Blonde Report

2004-05-18T14:04:00.000-04:00

Since it's my birthday today, I'm going to write a scatter-brained blog of random, useless thoughts and observations I've had over the last couple of weeks.

It'll be a dollar a litre by June: How sad is it that we're lining up in droves for gasoline when the price goes down to 82.5 cents a litre? Just a month ago, I was filling up my tank for 69 to 70 cents a litre then as soon as the warm weather hits it rises in price by 10 cents or more. There can't be a shortage of oil can there? Haven't the Americans stolen enough oil from the Iraqi's yet to supply us for another 10-20 years?

I've never been great at baseball but... So I've been seeing this guy for a couple of weeks. Now, I'm an adult woman in my 30s, he's in his 40s and the furthest we have gotten is a peck on the lips at the door as he's leaving. I mean, shouldn't we at least be at first base by now?

Nick Berg Beheading: I've heard lots of conspiracy theories about this, including some who think the Americans actually staged this themselves to take the focus away from the prisoner abuse scandal. Although I wouldn't put anything past those slimeballs in the White House, I truly doubt they'd go that far. One of my friends has seen the video but I don't plan to. I don't need nightmares, thank you very much.

Happy Birthday Bex, courtesy of Dalton McGuinty: The Ontario provincial government announced its first budget today. Cigarettes go up $2.75 a carton, beer is up 45 cents a two-four. These price hikes are not pleasant but I could live with them if it wasn't for a new health care premium in which Ontario residents will lose anywhere from $300 to $900 per year out of their salaries. Anyone remember Dalton's campaign promise of "I won't cut your taxes but I won't raise them either." You fucking liar McGuinty, I hope the fire in your pants burns your balls off, that is if you actually have any. I'm ashamed to say I voted Liberal in the last provincial election.

It's nice to be so popular: We Canadians should be proud when a red-necked war-mongering jackass like Bill O'Reilly is dissin' us. In a column he wrote on May 13th slamming Canada, the Fox (Propaganda), News Host included these choice words: "Over the past two decades, Canada has become committed to secularism and government entitlements. Subsidized medical care, decriminalization of marijuana, gay marriage, extensive welfare for newly arrived immigrants and an aggressively liberal Canadian Broadcasting Company have all become part of the culture." Yes, better to live in a country where the government imprisons people for 10-50 years for recreational drug use, can't separate church from state and its leader freely admits he makes his decisions based on what god tells him to do.

Everybody's got something to hide...

2004-05-05T22:16:00.000-04:00

Woman breastfeeds abandoned baby monkey

An Indian woman is breastfeeding a baby monkey found abandoned by its mother.

Namita Das says she was spurred to suckle it by a combination of maternal and religious feelings, and a fetish for sharp teeth in her nipple area.

She recently gave birth after many years of trying for a baby and felt the need to save the animal because she is a devotee of the Hindu monkey god Hanuman, who bears a striking resemblance to Michael Jackson.

The monkey was found almost dead by her woodcutter husband, Gepetto, in a forest clearing outside Chandrapur village in Tripura state.

The Pragati newspaper reports hundreds of people have turned up to see Das feed the monkey (and sneak a peek at her boobies).

Local school teacher Ballabh Saha said: "We can't help feeling touched by her concern for the monkey. It's like she believes it is her own child, or perhaps one of the Olsen twins."

link

Ancient Greece Never Looked So Good

2004-04-26T19:04:00.000-04:00

Troy is a movie I've decided I have to see, for the man meat alone. It stars Brad Pitt, who in my mind is the best looking man (besides Mel Gibson) ever put on earth.

Orlando Bloom, another hottie, also stars in this film, supposedly based on historical fact. The premise is that Paris, Prince of Troy (Bloom) steals Helen (Diane Kruger), Queen of Sparta away from her husband, King Menelaus (Brendan Gleeson). The result of this action causes a 10 year war between Troy and Sparta.

Brad sure as hell buffed up for this film, his body has never looked so hot. Apparently, he reluctantly quit smoking to train for the physically demanding role of Achilles.

"I had to quit smoking," Brad told Cinema magazine when asked about the hardest part of getting ready for the Trojan war epic.

"The withdrawal was so hard that I was ready to kill," he said.

Troy opens in theatres on May 14th, just in time for my birthday.

Days of Whine and Roses

2004-04-22T10:16:00.000-04:00

EZboard seems to be down (what a SHOCKER!) so I've set up a temporary board at proboards.

Geek Tragedy

2004-04-20T15:47:00.000-04:00

Why is it that when I ask my son to put his pants on, he wails at me as if he's being punished?

We've had gorgeous weather lately, but I'm having a hell of a time getting both kids co-ordinated to leave the house at the same time. As I put clothes on the one, the other starts stripping. If only we lived on a tropical island, they could run around naked all the time.

Of course, with my luck it would turn into a whole Lord of the Flies debacle with Mommy's head posted at the end of a stick. Or was that Apocalypse Now? Either way, I end up decapitated and surrounded by savages.

The horror. The horror.

My son has been practising archery and sword combat because he has turned into a Lord of the Rings freak (or is that geek?). In his fantasies, he is Aragorn, Daddy is Gandolf, I am Legolas (which makes me feel so pretty!) and his baby sister is Gimli, because barring the dog, she is the shortest. And really, what little girl doesn't dream of being a hairy troll?

Cute braids, though.

Movie Reviews

2004-04-18T17:47:00.000-04:00

I watched a lot of DVD's while I was off sick from work, here's what I thought of them.

Braveheart: Awesome - one of the best films I've ever seen. It made me laugh and cry and root for my Scottish ancestors to rip the heads off of every one of those bloody Englishmen! My brother convinced me to rent this and I'm damn glad I listened to him. Now I want to buy it. I've also determined that Gladiator is a total ripoff of this film.

Kill Bill Vol. 1: Excellent - the action scenes and the whole revenge plotline was thoroughly enjoyable. I would recommend this film to anyone. Vol. 2 is supposed to be even better and I can't wait to see it.

Turbulence: Poor - the only thing this movie has got going for it is Ray Liotta. I was rooting for him to axe Lauren Holly's head off at the end of this movie.

Planet of The Apes: Great - this is one of my all-time favourites, I had considered renting the re-make (which I've seen twice) but why watch the re-make when you can view the far-superior classic? Get your stinkin' paws off me you damn, dirty ape!

True Lies: Good - I've always enjoyed this film and hadn't seen it in years. Great action and some funny scenes thrown in, thanks to Tom Arnold.

The Sopranos Season 4: I can't believe I watched the whole season in the space of four days. It was terrific as always. The highlight for me was when Christopher's girlfriend, confronted by the FBI, pukes all over them in a boardroom.

Tim: Poor - I bought this movie for $5 at Walmart a couple of weeks ago, mainly because it stars Mel Gibson. Based on a story by Colleen McCullough, this could have been a much better film. The acting was decent but the music in the background was absolutely horrid.

It's back to work for me tomorrow. How the hell I'm going to get up at 5:30 in the morning all week is beyond my comprehension!

Lumpfest 2004

2004-04-14T11:37:00.000-04:00

Fucking Dentists: I just slept for almost 11 hours. I had my second and final round of gum surgery yesterday. My face is swollen again. When I told the dentist and his assistant that my face had swollen up after the first surgery, they didn't believe me. They kept asking me if I was sure and saying: "That's a first." WTF? I told them even my eye had swelled up. Fucking idiots.

I told the assistant that I wanted a prescription for Tylenol 3's this time. Last time, they told me to take Advil, which didn't help AT ALL. The assistant didn't want to give me a prescription. She said: "We don't give prescriptions for this." I said: "Well, you'll be giving me one." I wondered if she'd ever had the surgery done on herself - somehow I doubt it.

So the dentist finally came in and she told him I wanted a prescription, he said: "No problem, I'll give you some Tylenol 3's." He gave me a prescription for 20. I was so relieved.

Last November when I went through the first round, I shut my eyes but kept opening them every once in awhile during the procedure. At one point, I opened my eyes and saw blood all over the dentist's gloved hand. I wanted to throw up. This time, I kept my eyes shut during the entire procedure. Even though I wasn't on laughing gas, I felt hysterical and almost started giggling at one point.

The drive home is always interesting. My brother picked me up and because I'm not supposed to talk for a half hour, he kept purposely asking me a barrage of questions that I could only answer with a mumbled: "Umm hmmm." I felt like Billy Bob Thornton in Slingblade.

When I got home, the freezing on my mouth was wearing off, I could barely open my mouth to take a sip of water without being in pain. I took a total of three T-3's yesterday over about seven hours and I had horrible stomach pains just before I went to bed (even though I had eaten four or five pieces of bread and a bowl of soup) so I think I'll just take one T-3 at some point today, then later I think I'll get a "prescription" from a friend who makes house calls. I've rented a bunch of movies and the first seven episodes of The Sopranos, Season 4 and plan on lying on the couch staring at the TV for the next three days. And so, Lumpfest 2004 begins...

Horror story from the 401

2004-04-12T19:58:00.000-04:00

I had the drive from hell home from work tonight. I left at my usual 4 p.m., humming a tune to myself as I wrongly assumed that because it is Easter Monday, there would hardly be any cars on the road. The morning drive was a breeze.

Of course, as soon as I hit the Pickering area, all hell breaks loose. Apparently, there had been a huge accident somewhere in Ajax and only one lane of traffic was getting through.

So I meandered my way along the 401 parking lot thinking the whole time "Fuck, I hate other people," and of course just as the traffic starts moving, some idiot broad with her three kids in the car cuts me off and I almost plow into her. What the fuck is wrong with people, driving like maniacs when their kids are with them?

I ended up getting home about 6:30 p.m. I really hate driving.

The Boys Are Back In Town!

2004-04-11T15:44:00.000-04:00

A Canadian Classic Returns: The much-anticipated Season 4 premiere of Trailer Park Boys airs tonight on Showcase at 9 p.m. When we left them last season, Julian, Mr. Lahey and Randy were starting prison terms (due to Ricky's heist of an ATM machine) and suprisingly, Ricky avoided arrest and was made the new Sunnyvale Trailer Park Supervisor.

Considering Mr. Lahey was vowing to kill Ricky when he got out of jail, I can't wait to see his reaction to the new management at the park.

We Canadians will no longer be the only ones enjoying The Boys. On Thursday, April 15th at 9 p.m. Trailer Park Boys makes it's U.S. premiere on BBC America starting with Episode 1, Season 1. I wonder if Americans will take to this show like we Canadians have?

The Battle of Ontario

2004-04-05T10:07:00.000-04:00

GO LEAFS GO! For the fourth time in the last five or six years, The Leafs face the Ottawa Senators in the opening round of the NHL Playoffs. The first three meetings were disastrous for the Senators and they haven't beaten The Leafs in a playoff match-up yet.

In one sense, this is a good thing, because The Leafs don't usually have a problem eliminating Ottawa. On the other hand, as much as many Leaf fans malign the Senators, they are my second favourite team and I would prefer it if they lasted more than one round in the playoffs. C'est La Vie - when any team is playing my beloved Leafs, I want them to be crushed into dust.

The Sens did not look good at all on Saturday night, where the blue and white romped all over them with a 6-0 win and although the game was in Ottawa, you could hear chants of "Go Leafs Go". When The Leafs scored, the crowd roared. Everytime Sens Captain Daniel Alfredsson touched the puck, Leaf fans booed him. So really, it's like The Leafs have a home ice advantage for seven games.

I think my boys are going to take this series in five or six games. The players who will make a difference will be goaltender Ed Belfour (as usual) and defenceman Brian Leetch.

First game of the best-of-seven playoff series is Thursday night.

I'm Gonna Miss My Girls!

2004-03-25T19:21:00.000-05:00

The Sex is Over: How, oh how am I ever going to go without my weekly Friday night fix of Sex and The City? The last episode of the show airs in Canada on Bravo tomorrow night.

Although I liked all four of the main characters, Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha, it was Carrie I most identified with. She was a writer, she smoked and she seemed to get into relationships that were all wrong for her, specifically her relationship with Big. When she finally let him go in Season 3, I was bawling my eyes out as my very own Big and I had just parted ways a few months earlier. They say time wounds all heels but maybe not in Carrie's case, since Big seems to big back in the picture.

Carrie went through almost as many men as I have - my favourite of her boyfriends was Aidan. He was gorgeous, he was successful and he truly cared about her. He tried to get her to marry him but to no a-veil.

I've read several detracting articles recently about the show and yes, it did sort of go downhill in the last eight episodes (and Carrie used more ridiculous puns than ever before) but I guess they had to bring the character's lives to a close somehow. My biggest problem with it is how I think it's going to end. It looks like all four women end up with a husband or steady boyfriend and yet this show used to be so empowering to single women.

Charlotte ends up married to Harry, her divorce attorney and Miranda is married to Steve, the father of her child. Even Samantha has a steady boyfriend. Carrie's fate is undetermined - she's went to Paris with some Russian guy, because all her friends had hooked up. And we all know, girls who don't get asked out as often as their friends feel out-dated.

As of last week's episode, Big is on his way to rescue Carrie from the Russian. Sure, it's kind of romantic but would she really even give him the time of day in real life? Just the thought of my ex-Big showing up in my life again to rescue me makes me totally ill.

But this is only a TV show after all and TV shows are sort of like fairy tales, generally the characters live happily ever after. Will the four ladies on Sex and The City live happily ever after? I'll soon see...

Admiration must be earned

2004-03-16T18:20:00.000-05:00

Back To School: In Jackie Oh's Stardust Lounge, she has a regular feature called Question of The Week. Last week's question: Whom do you admire most? This got me thinking the other day about teachers I had through elementary school and how there were really only two who stood out in my mind: Miss Brown who became Mrs. Taylor and Mrs. Richardson.

I had Miss Brown/Mrs. Taylor for Grades 1, 4 and 6 - she was kind and nice and a good teacher. The funniest thing is that she would meet her boyfriend for lunch (or he'd arrive with a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken), drive off in his car and come back with hickeys on her neck - she tended to wear scarves around her neck to hide them. All the kids in the class would gossip about the newest hickeys she had that day. All in all though I think the entire class felt the same way about her - she was so great and so gorgeous. I wanted to be Miss Brown when I grew up!

When I was in Grade 4 Miss Brown got married and invited the entire class to the wedding. She had on one of those great big floppy 70's hats, rather than a veil, as did her bridesmaids but the one thing that stands out in my mind about that wedding is that her fiance wore a fake denim suit. I'm sure he thought he looked cool and I'm also sure the two of them get a good laugh from their wedding pictures now, that is, if they're still married. I wonder if he still gives her hickeys?

Mrs. Richardson helped me develop my writing skills to the point where she edited, printed and handed out an anonymous newspaper I wrote every month for the Grade 7 class. She also understood 13 year old kids. When several of us told her we weren't ready for the Catholic confirmation ceremony we were expected to go through with that year she told us it was up to us and agreed that we shouldn't have to do it if we didn't want to. Of course our parent's disagreed with that advice and forced us to confirm beliefs that we didn't feel were valid.

I was shocked to find the above picture in a box this past weekend as I'd already started writing this blog. I wasn't looking for the pic but I think it was looking for me. And if you're still out there somewhere, thanks Mrs. Taylor and Mrs. Richardson!

This Just In...

2004-03-10T14:04:00.000-05:00

Sicko: I've been so busy at work lately (we had a major trade show this week) that I've let myself get run-down and I think I'm getting a cold. I may have gotten it from my neighbour who I shared a joint with recently and is now sick. My throat is sore, my nose is getting stuffy and I keep sneezing. Damn it! I've been taking echinacea and Vitamin C since she told me she was sick so hopefully that will help lesson the symptoms.

The Toronto Maple Leafs: Great trade last week with The New York Rangers for defenseman Brian Leetch. They kicked the Florida Panthers' asses 5-0 last night. Go Boys Go! Make me proud!

Disaster Area: My brother has been painting the kitchen and dining room since Saturday and the house is a disaster. I'm sick to death of take-out food, the smell of pain and having to plug in and reprogram my coffee maker every damned day. Plus, with all this greasy food I've had to endure, I'm afraid I'm gaining weight. For fuck sakes finish it already!

Bubbles, Ricky and Julian: Trailer Park Boys, season four, premieres April 4 at 9 p.m. on Showcase. To say I've been living for this season premiere is not an understatement. I can't wait to see the look on Mr. Lahey's face when he's out of jail and finds out Ricky is the new supervisor!

Luck of the Irish Continues: The lucky streak I've been enjoying just keeps on going. On Wednesday I used a self-scanner for the first time ever at a grocery store and asked for $20 Cash-Back from the till. It gave me $25 (but only charged me $20). On Saturday, I won $10 on a $1 lottery ticket I purchased. On Monday I received a gift from a business associate I helped out last week. The gift - A Wallet. That's two wallets I've received in one week. Think I'm going to come into some money? Hopefully my next update will be written from the Bahamas!

Over and out for today.

Bad Night For Bwian, Great Day For Me

2004-03-02T20:26:00.000-05:00

Shallow Show, Shallow Ending: As in the first edition of Average Joe, the supermodel single gal (in the latest series, Larissa Meek) chose the brain-dead hunk instead of the average joe.

Bwian from Bwaston was cweepy and from what I saw in the date scenes it was obvious he couldn't kiss either. Still, I couldn't help rooting for the guy, probably because he seemed like such a dweeb.

Larissa though, couldn't keep her eyes off Gil, who when asked what he was hoping to get out of the "journey" told her straight out: "I'm hoping to become an actor." I honestly thought she would see right through Gil at that moment but her libido seemed to ignore the comment. When she told Gil later on that she used to date Fabio and Gil immediately dumped her, I laughed that instant karma had kicked in so quickly and bit her in the ass.

Bwian, and it seems Larissa, both had a bad day - mine, on the other hand, was awesome. I won the Oscar Contest (and a DVD of the first season of the BBC show The Office) at our good friend Spaderboy's Monkeyshank Message Board. Then, when I came back from lunch, there was a box on my desk and inside it was a Buxton wallet with my name on it in gold - a gift from a supplier.

Later on in the day, I went over to the GNC store at the mall to buy some carb blockers and I mentioned to the owner that I wish they sold Melatonin like their stores in the U.S. He smiled and motioned me over to a new display that included - Melatonin! It has apparently just been approved in Canada.

Not only did I have a great day but I got a good night's sleep too. I hope this string of good luck lasts.

It's not Who You Know, It's Who You Blow...

2004-02-25T08:58:00.000-05:00

Winning the Gene Pool Lottery: If she hadn't been born with a silver spoon up her arse, Belinda Stronach would probably be working as a cashier at Zeller's, rather than running for the Leadership of the Canadian Conservative Party.

At 37 years old, Stronach has zero political experience, is a college dropout, has been divorced twice, doesn't speak French and was the former chief executive of auto parts manufacturer Magna International, a company her daddy owns.

There is an interesting scandal brewing around Stronach and her relationship with former U.S. President Bill Clinton. She says he's "a friend" but more often than not when they are spotted together, they're arm-in-arm. Her "friend" Bill apparently encouraged her to run for the conservative party leadership spot.

If Stronach wasn't such a stuck-up, poor-little-rich-girl, I might actually be a little jealous, after all, Clinton is not a bad looking guy and think of all that power he used to wield.

This woman who was born a multi-millionaire is one of a pack of offspring who we in Canada seem to be stuck hearing about all the time. The other two are Catherine Clark (probably the least offensive of the three), the daughter of former Prime Minister Joe Clarke and Ben Mulroney, the smarmy CTV Canadian Idol host who is the son of Brian Mulroney, one of our most hated Prime Ministers in recent times.

Personally, I think all three of them deserve a kick in the teeth.

If it turns out for sure that Stronach has been fooling around with Clinton, I won't be surprised, she'll just look like even more of a bimbo than I suspect she is. Hopefully the Conservative Party of Canada will see this too and she won't stand a chance in hell of leading them.

Goddamn Trouble Making Dogs!

2004-02-16T18:37:00.000-05:00

An Embarassing Week To Be A Canadian: Our politicians and media can become hysterical over nothing. Take this week for example: Two ridiculous, totally blown out of proportion stories in the media involving dogs.

The first story the media keeps harping about is the dog poisonings at Withrow Park, a community area around the Riverdale neighbourhood in Toronto. The second is Triumph The Insult Comic Dog and his "bashing" of Quebecois.

The top story every single morning and afternoon on 680 News is the latest update on Withrow Park - apparently the city is fencing off the park until the spring and a handful of residents are protesting. Yes, we all know one dog died and five others got sick two weeks ago. Haven't we heard enough about it? Besides the residents of the area, who really cares anymore? I sure as hell don't.

Then of course there's Triumph. He ain't called The Insult Comic Dog for nothing. The day after his "attack" on French-speaking Canadians, our politicians totally over-reacted.

"I think it was vile and vicious. I think it amounts to hate-mongering," said NDP MP Alexa McDonough. For fuck sakes McDonough, you useless piece of garbage, I didn't even realize you were still in politics, who gives a shit what you think?!

Then the good old Toronto Star published an editorial in its Saturday edition that said: "Goodbye Conan. Don't come back soon.'' It was just reactionist bullshit, typical of a reactionist newspaper. I haven't regularly read The Star in years because it's filled with countless grammatical errors and typos and an idiotic editorial like that one isn't going to change my reading habits anytime soon.

I don't like dogs to begin with and I'm sick to death of hearing about them. I just wish these news outlets would throw me a frickin' bone and stop talking about them.

Lord of Destruction

2004-02-05T22:47:00.000-05:00

The Devil Tempting Me To Waste Time? An old addiction came creeping up on me this week. No, not the shooting up heroin addiction, the Diablo II addiction. I have wasted countless hours playing the damn computer game every night after work and all for naught.

About two years ago, I played and finished the original Diablo II twice using two different characters, including The Amazon, pictured on the left. This was not good enough for Blizzard Entertainment, of course, and they had to put out a Diablo II Expansion pack, just to torture me.

In the game, you venture into new lands and different levels, killing monsters as you go, and in many levels there are waypoints that you step on which automatically take you back into the "safe" zone, which is usually a village. Those points also allow you, when you start the game the next day, to just jump to that point and play it from there. That's all fine and good, if you can actually find the waypoints. I have a bad sense of direction at the best of times and fuck it - I haven't found the next waypoint after playing at least 6 hours of this damn game on three separate evenings.

It wouldn't be so bad if after you saved and exited the game, the same monsters didn't return. But they do. Waaaah! So if you can't find the waypoint, you have to fight your way through the same bullshit you did the night before.

I have vowed not to play it all weekend but the lure of El Diablo might be too much for me. I must resist - I must resist.

In Hockey News: Holy Shit - tonight The Leafs came back from being down 4-0 to The Ottawa Senators and won 5-4 in overtime. I hate the Sens, so that made it even sweeter. Go Leafs Go!

Total Recall

2004-01-28T22:27:00.000-05:00

Mars Mission: Is anyone else as excited as I am, looking at the pictures taken by The Spirit and Opportunity Rovers of the planet right next door to us?

I find myself checking CNN every day to see if there are any new pictures. Both NASA vehicles have had their share of problems but this is still the most exciting thing the organization has done in years.

I keep thinking back to the night of the infamous eastern seaboard blackout in mid-August, when I knelt at my windowsill for ages, staring up at Mars, so red and so clear and bright in the sky beside the moon. To see good quality photos of the surface of that planet is thrilling beyond words.

If NASA is given more funding as the current government is preparing to do (it's one of the few things Bush has done that I actually agree with) the possibilities are endless.

During the first moon landing in 1969 I was very young. I vaguely recall my mother sitting me beside her on the couch, telling me I was watching something important. But I don't really remember anything. I like to think that 40 or 50 years from now, I'll be sitting on a couch somewhere, having a smoke and a glass of wine, watching the first manned Mars landing.

Separated at birth?

2004-01-26T15:36:00.000-05:00

Flipping through the red carpet pictures from last night's Golden Globes, I couldn't help but be struck by how Joan Rivers is reminding me less of the Crypt-Keeper, and more of another '80s icon.

I'm telling you, all she needs is Waylon Flowers at her side, and she could be back on Solid Gold.

And I've said it before, but I'll say it again: is Nicole Kidman on really good drugs, or is she just dumb as a bag of hammers?

Update: See? Look at those eyes! "I am big. It's Tom that got small(er)."

Texas-Tex-Tex-Tex-Texas. YEAHHH!

2004-01-25T13:20:00.000-05:00

I have a scream: Many Howard Dean supporters are stressed because Dean recently got a little too peppy at a pep rally. The Democratic presidential candidate's over-enthusiastic shouts made him sound like he was auditioning for a high school production of Oklahoma.

"He listed all the states where he would go on to win the primary vote and ended by screeching 'and then we're going to Washington DC to take back the White House! Yeeeearrgh!'." link

Well, buck up little cowpokes,, and have some fun with Geography with Howard Dean. Don't forget to click on the man himself. And check out Elecampane's take on getting raucous in the caucus.

Just want to make you cumma: If this doesn't put a smile on your face, you have a heart of stone: Hey Ya, Charlie Brown. (If this site goes over its bandwidth limit, bookmark it. It's well worth it.)

Leave Your Mark: I've added a new comments feature after our dear friend Elecampane started to have problems with backBlog, which is now only allowing her five comments per post on her free account. That just won't do, will it? We'll see how Haloscan works out.

No one's ever really safe

2004-01-25T01:08:00.000-05:00

Are they? There were four or five cop cars with their lights flashing just a few houses down the street from me tonight. A chopper was in the sky. I wouldn't have noticed any of it if my brother hadn't just come home and told me to look down the street. It was the last thing I expected to see in this quiet suburban neighbourhood. Earlier tonight, I thought I saw someone walking around in the neighbour's backyard. I figured I was just paranoid because I had smoked some hash so I looked again and saw no one.

I remembered that last night around 2 a.m. as I was trying to get to sleep, I thought I heard someone trying to get into the house. I told my brother about it this afternoon because I initially thought it was him coming home and I hadn't expected him back, then I thought it was the next-door neighbours, although I never hear them past midnight. I kept hearing what I thought was someone tugging at the door. It had me a little freaked, maybe for good reason.

I wondered if someone had been murdered just up the street, it wouldn't be the first time someone was killed on the same block where I live. Ten years ago, in Barrie, three people about half a block away from me were murdered by a guy I'd actually had in my apartment a year earlier, but that's a whole other story...

The police have gone now and there's no yellow police tape around the house, so I'm thinking it was probably a B & E. It's still creepy though. Just last night, I went to the neighbour's place two doors down to watch a movie. I didn't bother locking my door.

I thought of the movie Bowling for Columbine and how Michael Moore just walked into Torontonians houses because the doors weren't locked. A lot of people who saw that thought it was bullshit. I did - I always locked my door until I moved in here. There are times when we don't lock up. But we will now. You may think you're safe but are you really?

Did EZBoard break trying to fix our board?

2004-01-19T23:42:00.000-05:00

We've been suffering a lot of downtime on our message board lately, and whenever that occurs I dutifully report it to EZBoard's support forum. This evening the board was down for two hours. Very frustrating.

Now the whole system seems to be down, just when I wanted to read more of how our favourite Monkey and Crow enjoyed their honeymoon in Vegas.

If you are reading this, you most likely found us through our re-direct domain name WeHateEveryone.com. Thanks to our latest benefactor, the handsome random def, we have a new home.

Until we get discovered by the Koreans that is.

No matter where we go, we can usually be found at http://whe.has.it, http://bitch.has.it and http://evil.rules.it.

Much love and gratitude to Pru, who hosted us for two years at greydude.com. Your unfailing encouragement and generosity have not only been appreciated, but also inspirational.

Who wouldn't want to be Howard Hughes?

2004-01-18T19:01:00.000-05:00

Hibernating Hermit: My brother calls me a recluse. When I get home after work I'm too tired to go out and on the odd weekend that I am home I don't want to leave the house, at all. So what if my favourite thing to do is snuggle up with my cat under an afghan, smoke hash and watch movies all winter?

The other day I was thinking about Howard Hughes. A multi-billionaire, in the last days of his life Hughes never had to leave his house. Now wouldn't that be ideal?

According to most reports, Hughes turned into a reclusive drug-addict, living locked in darkened rooms and terrified of germs. He moved from hotel to hotel, from the Beverly Hills Hotel to Boston to Las Vegas, where he bought the Desert Inn (because they threatened him with eviction) and a few other hotel and casinos. Hughes apparently bought television stations such as KLAS-TV in Las Vegas so that there would be something to watch when he was up all night with insomnia, something I can totally sympathize with. He became addicted to codeine (uh oh, I better watch myself with the Tylenol 3's) and other painkillers, wore Kleenex boxes as shoes, let his fingernails and toenails grow to unbearably disgusting lengths and stored his urine in jars.

As his body deteriorated, he ended up moving to the Bahamas (because it really is better there), Vancouver, London, and several other places. It seems he always occupied the top floor penthouse with the windows blacked out - and every time he moved out the hotel owners needed to remodel to clean up after him. Hughes died on an airplane enroute from his penthouse in Mexico to the Methodist Hospital in Houston in 1976.

I started thinking maybe my brother was right, I was becoming a recluse like Howard Hughes. I hadn't had a haircut since September and hell, who needs to shave their armpits and legs when you don't have a boyfriend and you have to cover them up because of the cold weather every day?

Yesterday, I left my reclusive ways behind (for now, anyway). I shaved my legs and pits and got a haircut. I couldn't believe how great it all made me feel. Still, if I had even a fraction of Howard Hughes' money, I think it'd be all too simple to just hide away from the world for years. I have to start buying more lottery tickets!

The Kennedys are worse for your health. Just ask Marilyn.

2004-01-14T13:13:00.000-05:00

I wanna kill: It's the fourteenth. I haven't smoked since New Year's day. It hasn't been too bad until last night and today. Right now I feel I could rip someone to shreds with my teeth.

I'm not sure if it's the smoking or the lack of sleep that's getting to me. My daughter is teething, and has been waking frequently every night since Thursday. She sleeps next to me and nurses, which isn't too bad unless she's screaming out in pain.

It's hard to be a wife and mommy when you're this grouchy. Alone time just isn't an option. I had nearly two hours alone last night after taking the kids to playgroup, but then was up again all night with screaming mimi.

In retrospect, I'm shocked I haven't had one cigarette, especially since my husband is still smoking in the house.

I suppose I should feel proud about not smoking, but it's difficult when I feel so out of sorts.

Maybe I'll just settle for being proud I haven't killed anyone yet.

Smoking links:
smokingcelebs.com
smokingsides.com

If you look close, you can see my tits

2004-01-12T13:54:00.000-05:00

Gimme Mick, gimme Mick,
Wavy hair, bulging eyes, lips so thick,
Are you woman , are you man?
I'm your biggest funked up fan,

So rock me,
And roll me,
'til I'm sick.

Some girls want Travolta,
All black and white and slick,
But there's funky screamin' mamas yellin'

Gimme Mick!

A 12 by 5 performance,
Take my wife and all that schtick,
Makes me dyin' just to meet ya

(chorus sung with backup)

Spoken: You, Mick Jagger, actually continued to perform in a concert, where someone got knived and killed in the '60s.
You, Mick Jagger, are English and go out with a model, and get an incredible amount of publicity.
You, Mick Jagger, don't keep regular hours.
You, Mick Jagger, have the greatest Rock & Roll band in the history of Rock & Roll and you dont even play an instrument yourself.

Backup: Rock and roll, rock and roll...
Candy: Rock and roll, rock and roll...
Backup: Gimme, gimme, rock and roll..
Candy: Gimme, gimme rock and roll..

(They get into a little 'Gimme' medley, music interlude)

(Chorus)
Burp
- by Candy Slice and the Slicers

Am I the only one out there who remembers this on SNL? Aside from these people, I mean? It was sung by Gilda Radner as Candy Slice, a character loosely modelled after Patti Smith.

These days SNL features Britney and Justin.

I never thought I'd miss the seventies and eighties. But some days, I do.

I'm just guessing at the lyrics here. Somewhere I still have my copy of Gilda Live on vinyl, but turntable isn't even hooked up anymore.

I'd freeze my balls off if I had any...

2004-01-09T14:36:00.000-05:00

The Deep Freeze: My god, could it get any colder? A week ago, we Torontonians were enjoying temperatures of 10 to 15 degrees celcius. Today the high is - 20 C.

I guess I shouldn't complain but it's not like I signed up for this deal. When it gets bitterly cold, I blame my parents - couldn't they have moved to Florida or something when I was a little kid? Selfish bastards.

The good news is today is Friday and my first week back to work after two weeks vacation has finally come to an end. Now to go home to a peaceful house this evening and smoke myself into oblivion!

Does anyone speak Korean?

2004-01-07T22:37:00.000-05:00

We seem to have gone over our hostess's bandwidth allowance, using 24 Gigs of bandwidth in December. This month, in just the first five days, we used 3 Gigs.

It turns out a few Korean sites hotlinked images from our Beautiful People section (featuring celebrities without makeup) and their pages have been getting thousands of hits.

The bastards didn't even link us!

Adding insult to injury, the one page plays the song Lady by Kenny Rogers. I'm thinking it's time for another Korean war.

Just breathe through your nose...

2004-01-06T10:46:00.000-05:00

Those of you who don't visit our message board should not miss out on this bit of genius from one of our moderators, mi1k. On the subject of teabagging:

the cock is a perfectly normal, perfectly healthy, beautiful young man.

the scrotum is that man's disgustingly vile, criminally evil, perverted old grandfather.

the male taint is the stairway to grandpa's basement.

and yes, the male asshole is grandpa's basement. where satan lives.

now, i'm not judging people who want to play with grandpa, or enjoy seeing other people play with grandpa. i'm just telling it how it is.

also, if you are a homosexual male, do not be offended because this message does not apply to you. i dont know the proper metaphor on that one.

I wonder how many people first learned of teabagging through Sex and the City?

The best definition is from urbandictionary.com.

Fear of Flying

2004-01-03T21:41:00.000-05:00

Premonitions: Is it odd that I dreamt about a plane crash last night and woke up this morning to read about an airplane crash in Egypt, killing all 148 people on board?

I lived in a condo on the 19th floor, and during the last few months I was there, I had nightmares about planes crashing into the building. It didn't help that the building was on the Toronto Pearson airport flight path. Occasionally, while flying in or out of Toronto, the plane I was on would fly right by the building and I would spot my own condo. Less than a month after I moved out, the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001 took place.

Over the years, I have developed a terrible fear of flying and thankfully haven't been on a plane in almost three years.

Planes were not always terrifying to me, in fact, I used to greatly anticipate getting on a plane and loved the take-offs and landings. The last flight I was on, however, gave me a horrible ear infection because the landing was so rough.

Both times I vacationed in Puerta Vallarta with my ex, plane crashes occurred - the first was a plane crashing off the California coastline, an Air Alaska, I think and the second time was when the Concorde crashed on July 25, 2000, killing all 109 people on board.

On that second trip, the night before we were to fly home, I had a horrible nightmare that I was on an airplane and looked out the window to see the ground coming at me at a horrific rate of speed. I woke up just before the impact to realize I had to get on a plane that very morning.

My ex and I had two flights to catch. The first, a small Mexicana plane, was to take us to Mexico City. The second, an Air Canada flight, would take us home to Toronto. At the airport in Puerta Vallarta I was a nervous wreck and I'm sure I was driving my ex nuts. I told him about my nightmare and he said I was just being silly, although he did say he was more concerned with the Mexicana flight than the Air Canada flight.

We boarded the Mexicana plane and we were seated in the front row and the plane was so small that we could actually see the pilots, who had left the cock-pit door open. The flight was without incident until we started descending in Mexico City. All of a sudden the pilot was yelling at the co-pilot "levantar, levantar!" I glanced over at my ex, who looked pretty concerned and I asked him if he knew what the guy was saying. "He's saying pull up," he told me and then grabbed my hand.

Needless to say, the co-pilot did as he was told and we landed safely. Still, it scared the hell out of me. I can't imagine what it would be like to die that way.

Of course, September 11, 2001 did nothing to alleviate my fear of planes and I wonder if I'll ever board one again.

A fascinating web site about plane crashes can be found here.

The photo above is he second worst disaster in aviation history, March 27, 1977 in Tenerife, Canary Islands killed 583 people. A KLM 747 collided with a Pan Am 747 after the captain of the KLM plane started his takeoff roll without clearance.

Attention all personnel

2003-12-26T23:51:00.000-05:00

Incoming choppers with wounded, report to the hospital: It's nice having people over. But not as nice as when they leave. We're worn out; the kids are beat. The baby is overstimulated. If M.A.S.H. were on now, that would put her to sleep.

M.A.S.H. could be marketed as a depressant, if there were a need for such a product. Perhaps for hyperactive children. Why did McLean Stevenson ever leave that show, anyway? Dude had it good, but quit the show in its third year for a contact with NBC. Remember Hello Larry? Okay, I actually do, but I'm sure a number of you don't and that proves my point.

Back to the fact that M.A.S.H. is a downer. Look at how Stevenson left M.A.S.H. It was literally with a bang. Henry Blake is surrounded by Unit 4077 as he leaves in a helicopter. Moments later, when Radar stumbles into the surgical tent to announce that Blake's helicopter crashed into the Sea of Japan, you are left numb. Numb over sadness for McLean Stevenson. Crazy isn't it?

I guess M.A.S.H. was a good show in its prime, but it went on far too long. Kind of like visiting with company, I was glad to see it end.

Did you know the screenplay for the film, M.A.S.H. was written by Ring Lardner, Jr.?

We're Number One!

2003-12-24T17:40:00.000-05:00

Go Leafs Go! For the first time in years, I am very excited about the future of my hockey team. As of today, the Toronto Maple Leafs are the number one team in the NHL. Maybe a Stanley Cup is in the works as a late Xmas present to all of us die-hards who refuse to forsake these boys?! We can always dream...

Children are evil

2003-12-23T21:47:00.000-05:00

Okay, so tonight the boy is awake, which isn't unusual as it's 9:30 and he's watching Family Guy. But he keeps jumping up to ask for cookies and Coke and to grab scissors, to cut some hockey tape the baby shoplifted from an art supply shop we visited today. I didn't discover this until we got home, and for some inexplicable reason the glitter glue we purchased is missing.

Is this instant karma for babies? She's not even old enough to use glue. She sure as hell won't be using the hockey tape. I didn't even know it was hockey tape until my husband told me. What do artists use this for, anyway?

I'm still pissed about the glitter glue, and the boy is disappointed, because we were going to make an angel for the Christmas tree. Some Grinch must have swiped it when we were at playgroup. I guess that's the kind of karma you have to get used to when your sister is a thief.

It's a good thing I don't have a real job.

2003-12-23T00:12:00.000-05:00

It's midnight, and the baby is still awake. Someone, please, shoot me now.

Creepy Love puts the 'Court' in Courtney

2003-12-20T22:36:00.000-05:00

Pretty on the inside? Any sane fan of Courtney Love has got to admit her latest incarnation as a drugged-out mom overly fond of the plastic surgeon's knife is creepy. Despite a battle with her former mother-in-law to keep custody of Frances Bean, Courtney's 11-year-old daughter with Kurt Cobain, she continues to act like a doped-up, spoiled brat.

During her appearance in court on December 11 (when her hearing was postponed) Courtney resembled a frizzy-haired, whacked-out circus clown.

Remember the memorial two days after Kurt was found dead? Courtney read his suicide note, and cursed him out. She had the whole crowd screaming at her tortured husband, calling him an asshole. Kurt's note ended: "Please keep going Courtney, for Frances. For her life, which will be so much happier without me."

You're doing a great job there, Courtney. Who's the asshole now? Despite reports that you've been through detox, you couldn't even hold it together in court.

Love, who wore a pink jacket and pink sandals and carried pink roses, became anxious when the judge asked to review the probation report. “Probation. ... What is that? What is that?” she said, before making growling noises and clawing motions with her hands. source

Courtney was arrested in October after becoming violent outside an ex-boyfriend's house in Los Angeles. Hours after she was released by police, she fell ill from an accidental overdose of the painkiller OxyContin. She has said she tried to make the overdose "fun" for 11-year-old Frances, who made her green tea as they waited for an ambulance to arrive.

As if to somehow make the public feel better about the incident, Courtney assured "That's the only time my daughter has ever, ever, ever pitched in on one of my little crises.

"I made it fun. I said it was going to be gross and I was going to have to make myself throw up but it was going to be OK," she told People magazine's November 3 edition.

Gee, my mom wasn't half as cool when she'd OD. She'd be all, "Clean up your room before the paramedics get here." Do you think Bean got to hold back mommy's hair extensions while she puked?

Courtney pleaded innocent; her lawyer says she took the wrong medication by mistake. That sounds like an excuse you'd tell your parents. If she was drugged up by accident that night, what's her reason every other day of the year? Pictures from her court appearance don't show a mom who is serious about keeping custody of her daughter.

Oh make me over: Perhaps I'm being harsh. Maybe Courtney's freakish appearance is solely due to all the surgery she's had done to her face. One thing I'd liked about Courtney is she never seemed afraid to look ugly. Now she has the air of a trashy, rich bitch who doesn't give a shit because she can afford not to.

The new look is scary. She brings to mind Katherine Helmond's character Ida Lowry, the protagonist's youth-obsessed mother in Brazil. I used to like her varying looks: from punk chick to Nirvana arm candy to widow skank to somewhat respectable actress. She always had an allure.

Today she looks like Joan Rivers on crack. Her collagen-bloated lips are more trout than pout. What's with these Hollywood women who pay big bucks for fishlips? It's not like she had skinny lips to begin with. Click her pic below for the full size.

It's okay to eat fish, because they don't have any feelings. Zits and all, skanky Courtney looked a million times better than this. I don't know how many nose jobs she's had done, or why her cheeks look so oddly stretched. I can't help but think of Kurt's words: "I'm so ugly, but that's okay, 'cos so are you. We've broken our mirrors."

Too bad that's not true.

Is she ugly on the inside, baby?
Ugly, ugly from the back?
There is no power like my pretty power
My pretty power
My ugly
Slutkiss girl
Won't you promise her smack?
Is she pretty on the inside?
Is she ugly?

Courtney in court.

Kurt & Courtney's Yuletide Nativity.

Thoughtcrime does not entail death: thoughtcrime is death

2003-12-18T16:58:00.000-05:00

see how clean shaven he is?" SRC="http://members.rogers.com/wehateeveryone/images/saddambush.gif" ALIGN="right">The Saddam Show: It's the bestest new reality show on TV and yet, I feel as though I've seen (or read about) it somewhere before.

I've been re-reading the George Orwell novel 1984 and comparisons with the present-day United States government and its puppet media are terrifying yet fascinating.

Take the recent capture of Saddam Hussein for example: Every news station in the United States was broadcasting pictures of a filthy, bearded and disheveled Saddam on Sunday. It reminded me of the Two Minutes Hate daily telescreen broadcasts in 1984, which always showed the face of Emmanuel Goldstein, Enemy of The People, someone Big Brother and his minions wanted the people to focus their anger on.
WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH
The protagonist of the Orwell novel, Winston Smith, works for the Ministry of Truth - his job consists of re-writing the past, changing novels, newspaper articles, press releases and any and all media, to make the government's present lies reality. Kind of like how the White House website altered Dubya's quote from May, 2003 which stated:

"President Bush Announces Combat Operations in Iraq Have Ended."

On August 19, 2003, that quote was changed to:

"President Bush Announces Major Combat Operations in Iraq Have Ended."

From 1984: "If the Party could thrust its hand into the past and say this or that even, it never happened—that, surely, was more terrifying than mere torture and death."

On the Center For American Progress website, you can find all kinds of little tidbits that prove the government is outright lying and re-writing its own past to suit itself.

Here is just one of disproven claims from a story entitled, 2003: A Year of Distortion For The American People.

WHITE HOUSE CLAIM: "The Bush Administration proposed stringent new rules on power plant emissions."

FACT: "The Bush administration on Friday eased clean air rules to allow utilities, refineries and manufacturers to avoid having to install expensive new anti-pollution equipment when they modernize their plants." - CBS News, 11/22/02
WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH
If altering the past isn't frightening enough for you, how about the fact that people in the U.S. are just simply vanishing ?

US says it doesn't know how many detainees in Cuba
Reuters, 12 Aug 2003, 11:21 AM

SAN FRANSISCO - The US government said today it had neither an exact count nor all the names of hundreds of people captured in Afghanistan over a year ago and now detained at the Guantanamo Bay Naval Base in Cuba.

US government lawyers made the disclosure during a court hearing in a case on behalf of Falen Gherebi, a Libyan national believed to be in US custody in Cuba. more

From 1984: "People simply disappeared, always during the night. Your name was removed from the registers, every record of everything you had ever done was wiped out, your one-time existence was denied and then forgotten. You were abolished, annihilated: vaporized was the usual word."
WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

As for thoughtcrime, U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft (a complete religious fanatic and utter nutcase) has been hard at work, censoring art, media and going after people like Tommy Chong, who was arrested and sentenced to nine months in jail for selling bongs. Chong thinks he was targeted because of the characters he has played in movies and on TV.

“They came after me because of the movies, Up in Smoke, Cheech & Chong, and because of my act since 1968,” says Chong. “They took my character to be my real persona.” The writer of an article on Chong in Los Angeles City Beat Magazine described the arrest as thoughtcrime.

If you've never read 1984, you really must - Americans especially - because the basic ideas in the book are not just taking form in the present - but will come into being in a big way in the future if you're foolish enough to re-elect Bush in 2004.

All this and I get to change diapers too!

2003-12-16T15:30:00.000-05:00

Rut roh! The baby is cutting a side tooth which is causing her to bite and chew on whatever she can get in her mouth. Usually that means me, and let me tell you it makes breastfeeding a bitch. When she's teething, all she wants to do is nurse. When she nurses, she bites down hard with those tiny, razor-sharp fangs, causing me to scream out in pain.

When this occurs, my four-year-old son rolls his eyes. "What now?" My pained screams are becoming all too common in this household.

The boy is sick again, and has been keeping me up all night as I worry about his cough and laboured breathing. He has no fever and he's fine during the day. So I keep debating: do we take the half hour walk in the cold to the doctor or wait and see? We could try the bus, but in the time we spend waiting, I imagine we could walk it. A cab isn't an option, because both kids require car seats. I know other parents use cabs, but I don't see how that's even legal.

I can't even make a decision on a doctor's appointment without worrying about being thrown in jail.

This morning, we had a cereal explosion. Scooby Doo cereal with little marshmallow ghosties, all sopped in homo milk, were everywhere. While I rushed off to get towels, the baby knocked the rest of the milk onto the leather couch.

The three of us are grouchy and exhausted, but I'm counting my blessings, partly because of this heartbreaking Salon article by Anne Mitchell.

I can't hate the Kelsos

At least they took their disabled child to the hospital instead of the nearest bridge.

By Anne Mitchell

Jan. 4, 2000 | "Abandoned Boy Case Stuns Advocates."

This Associated Press headline, crisp and gripping to the average reader, is a joke to any honest parent of a disabled child. Try "Parents at Brink of Collapse Don't Abandon Boy" for a real shockerooni. As the parent of two disabled children myself, I often visualize headlines like "Mom Drives Self and Two Boys Off Bridge" -- and the only shocking part is that it hasn't come true.

News accounts of Richard and Dawn Kelso leaving their 10-year-old son, Steven, at a Delaware hospital the day after Christmas with his toys, medical supplies and a note saying they could no longer care for the boy, dwell on the fact that the Kelso family lived in a $200,000 house and drove BMWs. Clearly, these selfish, privileged bastards ... more

People are pigs and scums

2003-12-12T23:49:00.000-05:00

It's a bug's life

2003-12-08T20:11:00.000-05:00

VILE AND VULGAR VERMIN: Insects have been stalking me. Since Thursday, I've had run-ins with everything from beetles to centipedes and it all began with a thermal coffee mug.

Last week at work I grabbed a box from a corner of the office to pack up a corporate thermal mug someone had ordered. I innocently placed the box on my desk and what do I see crawling up the side of it? A big fat brown beetle with antenna the length of my fingers. I screamed and even my boss came out of her office to see what had happened. When I got the nerve to look in the box again, it had evidently scurried away. I was unable to even sit at my desk the rest of the day as I had visions of it crawling up my pant leg.

Yesterday afternoon, I noticed a bunch of dead fruit flies all over my stove. Any constant reader of this site will remember that fruit flies stalked me last summer. Needless to say, the discovery of these creatures chilled me to the bone. Upon closer inspection of the stove, I noticed the little bastards were also stuck all over the stove light. So I turned the light on and the next thing I spot is a big dead bloated housefly sitting in my beautiful, clean and freshly oiled cast iron frying pan.

I threw the pan in the sink and reached in the drawer under the stove for a pot to boil water in. Crawling inside the pot was an eight-legged beast of the vilest nature - yes, I'm talking about a spider. I screamed, threw the pot in the sink, turned the hot water on full blast and boiled the arachnid. And don't try telling me poor little spider's are harmless - I've been bitten by them and spider bites are a lot more painful than most bug bites I've suffered from.

This morning, one of the eight-legged beast's pals decided to seek revenge. There I was at 5:30 a.m., still trying to wake up in the shower while waves of warm water streamed all over my body. I reached for my shampoo, applied it, rinsed, poured conditioner on my hair, put my head back and opened my eyes. And there, in the corner on the ceiling was, of course, a big, black spider. I decided that if it just stayed put, I would quickly finish my shower and let it live. The moment the thought popped into my mind, down it dropped on its evil web. I screamed, jumped out of the bathtub soaking wet, grabbed a cup from the sink counter, filled it with water several times and proceeded to drown the nervy pest.

As I walked downstairs a few minutes later to get a cup of coffee, it occurred to me that I was being pursued by insects. I was relieved that it was over for the moment though, or so I thought.

My thermal coffee mug was in its usual spot on the kitchen counter, right beside the coffeemaker. I smiled as I thought of my first sip of the day, which is always quite pleasurable. After pouring a generous amount of cream in the mug, I filled the remainder with fresh, hot coffee. Just as I was about to put the lid on the mug, a colossal centipede floated to the top of the liquid. Obviously, I screamed, threw the vile liquid in the sink, turned the tap to hot and boiled yet another multi-legged creature in the kitchen sink. My first sip of the day would not be quite as pleasurable as I had imagined. Fortunately, I haven't encountered any more creepy crawlies today.

And so, it all ended (I hope) with a thermal coffee mug.

thread worms on a string, keeps spiders in her pocket

2003-12-08T10:41:00.000-05:00

Music For Miscreants: I'll be taking over Mr. Mappy's Directional Wave radio this week, so check it out. Wednesday from 8-10 p.m. and Thursday from 3-5 p.m. EST.

Most of the selections are what used to be called "College Radio" back in my day (with a little new wave and punk thrown in). I think these days they call it Alternative. Alternative to what?

Do the Terrier Dance

2003-12-07T17:44:00.000-05:00

We're Hare Enthusiasts: Anyone with basic reading skills can determine this isn't a hate site. It's simply a weblog of two Canadian chicks. We rant, we rave. We crack a few jokes. Anyone who thinks otherwise is in serious need of a life.

We at WHE love babies, kittens and fuzzy bunnies. Okay, so maybe BeX doesn't like bunnies. In fact, she despises bunnies. And dogs. Little puppies even. The adorable Jack Russel terrier pictured here would probably make her stomach turn.

But even if she doesn't like puppies, she loves the Terrier Song. Are these lyrics familiar to you?

Terriers are my very favourite breed
They're cute and cuddly and easy dogs to feed
They'll bring you up whenever you are down
Terriers average 20 pounds

When I walk around in this terrier town
One thing that makes me down
Is when people put bandanas on their dogs

Terriers are my very favourite breed
Cute and cuddly, easy dogs to feed
Terriers were there in the 11th century
Napoleon had one to prevent misery
Terriers are good with the aged
Studies show that they prolong old peoples' lives

No one wants to die
Like this guy died
Die die, die die
Die die, die die
Worms eating your eyes
Bass solo

(Notices women behind him in black bikini's and veils)
Ah, excuse me ladies, you're scantily clad and have nothing
to do with the narrative. Therefore, it's sexist. Sorry.
(they go away..)
Wow, that hurt.

You know those mornings that you just can't get out of bed,
and you call in sick, if you had a job.
You know those mornings when you just wanna watch TV, eat corn
chips and masturbate.
Sure you do.
Well, when those days happen..
what you should do is start thinking about my friends.
My little furry, waterproof pals.
You know I'm talking about.....

Les terriers sont mes types favourites
Jolies, charmantes
Pas de probleme a maintenir
Il donnent du joie
Quand tu es "blue"
Les terries sont a peu pres
Vingt livres
Give terriers a chance (Yeh!)
Do the terrier dance
No, let's not
But if you want your love to show
If you want your love to grow
Then go terri-, go terri-, go terri- errr

If these lyrics aren't familar, you obviously aren't living in a Brucio World.

We'll always have Paris... now how do we get rid of her?

2003-12-03T18:32:00.000-05:00

Paris Hilton can eat my asshole. Who am I kidding? That skanky rich bitch would probably enjoy it. I'm so sick of her name gracing every bit of the spam in my Hotmail Inbox, advertising her numerous sex tapes.

Paris Hiltoon Stolen Home Movie below

Hello! fonf Paris Hilton gone wild! ingxaco

Fuck right off you drugged-up heiress! I caught the first few minutes of her show The Simple Life last night, and just watching her shop made me want to slowly cut off her fingers with a butter knife. There was something about the way she carelessly spent thousands of dollars on one item of fashionable crap that irked me to no end. Think of how many struggling families could live comfortably if this one vapid party girl were stuffed in a meat locker and her fortune given to charity.

And the video! It's so lame. I'm not a guy, but Paris really looks like a bad lay. She flits around the bed on all fours like a nervous poodle, and pushes her lover (Shannon Doherty's husband) out of the way to make sure she's on camera. I'm sure she's loving all the publicity.

For some reason, the promises of Paris porn are not so prevalent in my Yahoo box (heh, I said 'box'). I love Yahoo's new spam button for some reason (probably because it entails the least amount of clicking to get rid of mail); Hotmail has a new look and it sucks worse than a coked-up hotel heiress.

I'm not going to upload the tape, but for those who are curious, click here for a bigger version of her stubbly cooch.

spitting in the wishing well

2003-12-02T11:21:00.000-05:00

Oh. My. God. Even I think these are too big. Speaking of big tits, Godfader finally has a fab layout that won't crash my shitty computer. Wait, I'm not saying Godfader is a big tit. You got that though, right? Anyway, I found these nudie bits through a link on his site called Orange Dungarees.

Does Burn Know? I'm not sure if E/N is dead or alive, but Burn's DE/NIED list is still kicking. It was there that I found Taiwon On's funky site, where she muses about R2D2 Underoos, the decked out bike she rode at the age of 11 and formatting her hard drive. * wink, wink * I like her site a lot and she seems like a neat girl and I want her to marry me. Oh wait. I'm a chick!

I Saw The Shit Out Of It: Bob Odenkirk alert! After much delay, The Ben Stiller Show should be available on DVD today, and it's about time. The cast of this short-lived Fox series of skits was made up of Stiller, Odenkirk, and (if you can still stomach them) Janeane Garofalo and Andy Dick. I guess it's generally a Mr. Show alert, since David Cross was a writer and made appearances on the show too. Because it was aired more than ten fucking years ago (1992) I barely remember anything, other than thinking it was funny. Thanks to modern day Internet technology, however, we have this info from Amazon.com:

In addition to the cast's uncanny impersonations (Stiller's Bono, Tom Cruise, Bruce Springsteen, Daniel Day-Lewis, and Bruce Willis, and Garofalo's Juliette Lewis), The Ben Stiller Show was home to a gallery of recurring characters--agent Michael Pheret, the No, No, No Guy--who, thankfully, SNL producer Lorne Michaels was not around to parlay into godawful films. The topical humor can't help but date some of the material (the show is a veritable Trivial Pursuit of pop culture references, from The Partridge Family to Beverly Hills 90210, but the brilliance of the writing and sheer abandon of the performances are still a joy to behold. --Donald Liebenson

I always liked Janeane, but man she's been in some shitty movies. What is she doing these days anyway? The first time I saw her she was on Jon Stewart's old talk show, and did a bit making fun of slackers at the laundromat. It was funny and shameful, all at the same time.

Layout Addict

2003-12-01T16:42:00.000-05:00

I can't stop doing layouts. It's amazing what one can accomplish when everyone in the house is suffering from some horrible virus. Have I mentioned the baby is walking like a fiend?
Ana-Mia: We're getting a lot of hits to my anorexia and bulimia post, so I made a separate page for it.

damn you, sam!

2003-12-01T10:37:00.000-05:00

The Snot Runneth Over: Apparently my house is crawling with mean bad guys.

But this is a good thing. It means my son is definitely on the mend from his terrible cold. This morning, he grabbed his Spider-man motorcycle and a small coat hanger from Old Navy and pretended they were guns.

"Mommy, I'm a policeman. You're a policeman. Daddy's a policeman. Baby's a policeman. Dog is a policeman. Becky's a policeman. And Mokie (BeX's cat) is a policeman too."

He then pointed at the ceiling, shouted "Mean bad guy!" and proceeded to furiously shoot at an imaginary creep with supernatural powers.

Yesterday, his day was spent zombied out on the couch, coughing up a lung or two, barely responding to offers of soup and juice. The cough is still there, but the the mean bad guys chasing after us are a good sign that he's getting better.

I'm a liitle afraid to take a shower alone, though.

2003-11-30T08:48:00.000-05:00

Don't pull the thang out, unless you plan to bang: Here comes the turkey. No, I don't think the bird Bush served up in Baghdad on Thanksgiving is included in its death toll, but I've added an Iraq Body Count counter to the site. I'd like to see one for soldiers as well. Soldiers on both sides.

This project aims to record single-mindedly and on a virtually real-time basis one key and immutable index of the fruits of war: the death toll of innocents. The full extent of this has often gone unnoticed until long after a war has ended, if at all. One reason is that reports of incidents where civilians have been killed are scattered in different news sources and spread over time: one or two killed here, a few dozen there, with only major incidents (such as the attack on the Al-Amariyah bomb shelter where hundreds of women, children and elderly were incinerated alive) being guaranteed headline coverage.

But the smaller numbers quickly add up: and however many civilians are killed in the onslaught on Iraq, their death toll should not go unnoticed by those who are paying — in taxes — for their slaughter.

The counter is in the 'extras' menu at the right.

2003-11-29T15:59:00.000-05:00

We're purple again! For now, anyway. The kids and I have miserable colds (Damn you, Sam!!), so I've been futzing with layout in between wiping wee runny noses. The archive, message board, guestbook links are now along the top.

While watching me work, my four-year-old son pointed to the picture below and asked, "What's his name?"

"Michael Biehn," I replied.

"Michael Biehn has boobs," he giggled.

What a smart aleck. That's my boy.

2003-11-23T17:46:00.000-05:00

Wanted - One Man Slut: After trying to control Whe's two kids for about five minutes in her kitchen last night - I was serving ice cream to Mini-Whe and suddenly Baby-Whe had pulled the bowl out of Mini's hands and there was ice cream all over the floor - I've determined that I don't want children.

This decision was not made lightly. I've lived with Whe and her kids and my sister and my niece and as much as I truly love children, truth be told - at some point when dealing with them, they inevitably drive me insane.

I've also determined that I don't need a boyfriend. I need sex on a regular basis, yes, but again, truth be told - at some point in dealing with a man, he inevitably drives me insane.

I have witnessed the incredibly fucked-up relationships other people have with their significant others and when I dream of a possible happy future for myself, I am living blissfully alone in a high-rise condo with my cat.

So basically, all I really need is a man to fuck my brains out two or three times a month, with no strings attached - any volunteers?

2003-11-17T17:37:00.000-05:00

Got your mother in a whirl: As I was singing along in the car to David Bowie's Rebel Rebel on the way home tonight, it occurred to me that the only reason I knew every single word of the song was because the Bay City Rollers did a version of it. Yes, I know that's sad.

Speaking of sad: I went up to see my parent's this weekend and got a speeding ticket - I was going 114 in an 80 km zone. It's only the second speeding ticket I've gotten in 15 years so I was pretty damn calm about it, considering. Of course, I'm not real calm about having to pay the $152 fine.

As it turns out, I'm the only one of their children coming up north for xmas. My youngest sis, who lives with them, will be there, but I'm the only one of the three older kids who is willing to drive up there this year. My mother was in quite a whirl about it but seemed to appreciate me a little more this weekend. So my grandmother may hate me, but I'm looking golden to my parents at the moment.

2003-11-13T11:56:00.000-05:00

Don't Say I Didn't Warn You: Some things just shouldn't be viewed at work.

Where did the summer go? It's been snowing all morning. I've been wondering how I'm going to get downtown this winter with two kids and no car.

Maybe, just maybe, the sidewalks here will be plowed all winter, but it's still tough pushing a stroller in a snowstorm. The baby is pretty small to go long distances in a sled, unless I can find one with a seatbelt harness.

Or I could just duct-tape her to a toboggan. It'd work for Red Green.

2003-11-11T08:22:00.000-05:00

In Flanders Fields

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders Fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

- John McCrae, 1915

On Thin Ice

2003-11-10T18:12:00.000-05:00

It's A Small World After All: Ever wonder how you can get yourself thin and beautiful like Lara Flynne Boyle or Kate Moss? Want to know how Brittany Murphy and Christina Ricci went from buxom to billfold-thin? Just do a Google search, and learn how to become anorexic.

Ana and Mia sites (pro anorexia and pro bulimia websites) are fairly prolific. Some try to restrict readers who are not already anorexic, but others give step-by-step "thinspiration" tips on how the novice can starve herself to perfection.

Yahoo deletes these sites, but you can still find a host of other sites, message boards, cliques and webrings devoted to a "bones of beauty" lifestyle.

The personal sites share common themes: lists of "safe" foods; weight charts; gloomy diary entries by depressive young women; and a section of pictures of skinny models and actresses called "Thinspiration" (which is where these photos came from).

Forty Reasons ...
... not to eat.

1. You will be FAT if you eat today. Just put it off one more day.
2. You don't NEED food.
3. Fat people can't fit everywhere.
4. Guys will be able to pick you up without struggling.
5. You'll be able to run faster without all that extra weight holding you back.
6. People will remember you as the 'beautiful thin one.'
7. If someone has to describe you, they'll say, 'oh, she weighs like 100, 110 lbs.'
8. Guys will want to get to know you, not laugh at you and walk away.
9. Starving is an example of excellent willpower.
10. You will be able to see your beautiful, beautiful bones.
11. Bones are clean and pure. Fat is dirty and hangs on your bones like a parasite. Link

Tips and tricks from a website called Starvation read like any sane parent's nightmare:

-dont avoid the kitchen. people will suspect something
-faking ill usually works.
-take naps through meals.
-get a job through meals.
-spread food on plates and leave them in the sink. people will think you ate.
-adopt a dog and feed him your food.
-mention how you think fiona apple, callista flockhart and kate moss are just waaay too thin.
-never eat alone. always have someone around when you finally do eat then you can say "i ate"
-if you are forced to go to a restraunt order something you know you dont like.

Tips for bulimics teach you different ways to induce vomiting, and the best foods to eat while binging.

Eat foods like ice cream, milkshakes, soft stuff which is easier to come up. However, don't try purging citric fruits, raw vegetables, breads, hot and spicy foods since this might hurt a lot and you might not get everything up. Oh and be carreful with sharp foods like some cereals and chips since they can get stuck or cut your throat.. If you choose to eat these it's better to just exercise it off or fast but if you really feel you need to purge be sure to chew your food EXTRA well please.. You don't want to hurt yourself.

Here's a comment by a 22-year-old woman left in one 15-year-old girl's guestbook:

No offense, but if you weigh 145, you're not ana! I'm about your height, and have never weighed above 109. I've maintained a weight of 98 for 16 months now now. All I can say is, good luck!

Good luck at what? Starving yourself to death? Way to be supportive.

Emaciated: The following is from a site by Lauren, who says she is now in recovery (this is not a picture of Lauren; it's one from her collection).

"i decided not to include an emaciated gallery on my site. first of all, i could hardly find any pictures that aren't already in every other emaciated gallery on the web. the picture above was one of the few that i found. i remember putting this picture on my old site without thinking anything of it, but when i saw it this time i felt so sad. i don't know how that could be inspirting to anyone, the picture looks so painful and hopeless. this is definately not something i want to promote. if anything, this picture is on my website to show the true pain of anorexia not as a lifestyle, but as a disorder. " - Lauren

One site makes a distinction between anorexics and "rexies," a term of empowerment for those who see this disease as an accomplishment. I guess Calista Flockhart is a fun-loving rexie, while Karen Carpenter is a rotting-in-her-grave anorexic.

"You may already know the difference between us rexies and anorexics! If u want sympathy for your "disease", you are anorexic. If you want respect and admiration for your lifestyle of choice, you are a rexie… Anorexics die. Rexies don't. Have we understood the difference? This site is for us rexies, who are proud of our accomplishments, and the accomplishments that lie ahead. we will never die."

(Rexia-World) Source

Wow, being a rexie is the key to eternal life. Who fucking knew?

Reading through these websites has given me mixed feelings of pity and anger. Because I have children, it also makes me afraid. Should these sites be allowed?

I realize Yahoo is a big corporation concerned with protecting its ass, but in general I can't abide by censorship. Television, movies and magazines are filled with thin role models. These girls are simply sharing secrets on how to achieve the look that's being shoved down our throats. Since Yahoo is deleting sites, they are forced to become sneaky (just like they are with food) if they want to use a freeserver.

I can't help but wonder what message it's sending to these girls. I also think it's destroying an opportunity to learn what makes them tick.

2003-11-10T15:17:00.000-05:00

I think these test results are bogus, man!

Find Out If You Are John Stamos!

2003-11-08T13:58:00.000-05:00

he was on a fishing trip.
The last goal he ever scored, won The Leafs the cup.
They didn't win another 'til 1962,
the year he was discovered." SRC="http://members.rogers.com/wehateeveryone/images/fullycompletely.jpg" ALIGN="right">I am Woman! There's nothing like getting up in the morning, deciding to do some cleaning and finding out your CD player isn't working. Fuck. I've got a Fisher 3-disc changer and it would not open or play any discs.

So what's a girl to do? Sit and cry? Smash her fists into the stereo (which, by the way, I did try but it didn't work)? Wait for a man to help? Hell NO! A smart girl decides to take matters into her own hands and try to fix it herself.

After a fruitless search for the stereo remote control, I decided to use my old tactic, and actually read the manual. Luckily, I found it easily. It suggested I unplug the stereo and hit a reset button on the back for at least 20 seconds. I did just that, plugged it back in, let it reset itself then pushed the power button.

Well holy shit, the disc changer was moving and seemed to be working. I threw in The Tragically Hip's Fully Completely and pressed play. And out comes the sweet sounds of:

Watch the band through a bunch of dancers
Quickly, follow the unknown
With something more familiar.
Quickly, something familiar
Courage, my word
It didn't come it doesn't matter

I don't think I've ever enjoyed listening to The Tragically Hip more than I did this morning.

I am woman, hear me roar!

2003-11-04T16:19:00.000-05:00

Don't want to meet your daddy/Just want you in my Caddy: Our guestbook is starting to frighten me.

"I haven't been this hard since Gore lost Florida. "

2003-10-27T17:18:00.000-05:00

Halloween Horror Show: I love watching horror movies around this time of year. A few of my favourites are Fright Night, The Omen, Poltergeist and A Nightmare On Elm Street. The latter two I haven't seen in years but I remember they scared the shit out of me when I was a teenager.

Unfortunately, these days, the real world is a horror show all on its own. Who needs a horror movie when every morning, CBC Radio wakes me up with news of yet another bomb in the Middle East exploding or another gun battle. This morning it was the bombing of a hotel full of U.S. "occupation" officials and the Red Cross headquarters in Baghdad.

So far, the number of American and British soldiers killed in Iraq since the illegal war began increases daily: the total number of dead is 397, of that number 343 Americans, 50 British and four others (whatever that means) have died. Since May 1, when U.S. President George W. Bush declared that major combat operations in Iraq were over, a total of 226 military personnel have died.

The number of civilian deaths is staggering. According to Iraq Body Count, at least 7,768 civilians have died this year as a result of the U.S. led war and occupation of Iraq.

A note to Freddie and Jason - why bother fighting to defend your title when Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Rice and Powell (with a body count of at least 8,000 so far) have got you beat hands down?

The Sun Is Exploding!

2003-10-24T11:02:00.000-04:00

Tired is me. Was woken by a midnight phone call not intended for me and couldn't really sleep the rest of the night. People who call you at midnight deserve to be slapped.

The Earth has been put on a Solar Storm Alert. Apparently 10 billion tonnes of superhot gas is going to be speeding towards Earth and is expected to hit the atmosphere at approximately 3 p.m. Scientists have said to expect power outages and disruptions to cell phones and satellites. Oh joy.

Not only that, there is more to come. Apparently they've spotted another storm on the sun that will also hit us in the next two weeks.

The solar event today is one of the largest sunspot groups in years. It is 10 times larger than the surface of the Earth. Kinda scary. You know, if the world ends today, please just don't let me be at work when it happens. On the bright side, at least I'd finally get some sleep!

2003-10-16T16:21:00.000-04:00

Fuck The World: I've had a shitty week. It started with my grandmother being an old bitch again. My sister announced she was pregnant again Sunday at the family thanksgiving dinner (held at my brother's place this year) and my grandmother had to say to me "When are you finally going to have a baby? Not that I'm longing for a baby or anything, she just has to make me feel guilty for simply not having one, because it's what she wants.

As my grandmother was leaving, she turned to my brother's girlfriend (who'd cooked the potatoes and ham, I did turkey and stuffing, so we had split the cooking) and said "It was nice meeting you. Thank you for all the trouble you went to with this dinner. You did a great job." I was standing right beside his girlfriend and my grandmother didn't even look at me or say goodbye to me. Fucking old bitch.

My rotbag week continued with brutal, horrible menstrual cramps on Monday. The drive into work every morning has been shitty and double the time it usually takes. My boss continues to be a bitch and I get to be the recipient of her bad moods.

Have I mentioned that life sucks? Have I mentioned the world sucks? Well it fucking does. Oh and if you're reading this, so do you!

2003-10-10T08:22:00.000-04:00

Speaking of Neil Young... One Young song which often gets stuck in my brain is Out On The Weekend. Packing up and running away to start a new life; this is a strong theme with me. My recurring nightmares involve an inability to escape.

It's weird that I'm still having these nightmares, even more so now that I've moved into my first house. Am I trapped between a need for security and a lust for adventure? Or am I still still stuck in the mindset of my earlier years when I felt the need to slip the surly bonds of my parents?

These nightmares hark back to when I returned to my family home after my mom was diagnosed to cancer. I was torn between wanting to stay and help, and needing to run away and never turn back. I left a couple of months after she died, but the memory haunts me still.

Why won't my brain let me escape?

Out On The Weekend
Think I'll pack it in
and buy a pick-up
Take it down to L.A.
Find a place to call my own
and try to fix up.
Start a brand new day.

The woman I'm thinking of,
she loved me all up
But I'm so down today
She's so fine, she's in my mind.
I hear her callin'.

See the lonely boy,
out on the weekend
Trying to make it pay.
Can't relate to joy,
he tries to speak and
Can't begin to say.

She got pictures on the wall,
they make me look up
From her big brass bed.
Now I'm running down the road
trying to stay up
Somewhere in her head.

The woman I'm thinking of,
she loved me all up
But I'm so down today
She's so fine she's in my mind.
I hear her callin'.

See the lonely boy,
out on the weekend
Trying to make it pay.
Can't relate to joy,
he tries to speak and
Can't begin to say.

Meet Our New Leader

2003-10-02T22:33:00.000-04:00

Dalton McGuinty is the Premier Designate of Ontario. It's been eight long years of brutal "Progressive" Conservative rule in this province but that all ended tonight as Mr. McGuinty and his Liberal Party swept the seats and will form a majority government in the provincial legislature. At last count, out of 103 total seats, the results were: Liberals 72; PC 24 and NDP 7.

Eight years of tax breaks for the rich - gone!

Eight years of hospitals closing due to lack of provincial funding - gone!

Eight years of cut backs to education - gone!

Eight years of union bashing - gone!

Eight years of a bunch of elite fat cats running our government - gone!

If my damn jaw didn't ache so bad (and I wasn't on prescription drugs right now) I'd not only have the energy to write much more about this, I'd also probably be partying my ass off! As it is, I'm still going to go to bed with a big smile on my swelled up face. Good luck Mr. McGuinty and do us proud!

2003-10-01T22:38:00.000-04:00

Damn you Neil Young! That damn man (even though I worship him) always seems to make me cry. Due to the brutal day I had today, this song moved me to tears when I heard it.

TELL ME WHY
Neil Young

Sailing heart-ships thru broken harbors
Out on the waves in the night
Still the searcher must ride the dark horse
Racing alone in his fright.
Tell me why, tell me why

Is it hard to make arrangements with yourself,
When you're old enough to repay but young enough to sell?

Tell me lies later, come and see me
I'll be around for a while.
I am lonely but you can free me
All in the way that you smile
Tell me why, tell me why

Is it hard to make arrangements with yourself,
When you're old enough to repay but young enough to sell?

Tell me why, tell me why
Tell me why, tell me why

2003-09-26T10:08:00.000-04:00

mood: tyrannical

License2KimJongill: Tho not-so secret online diaries of North Korean leader Kim Jong-il can be found on Live Journal. I'd always imagined him as more of a "Moveable Type" kinda guy. At the very least, he should be using those little kitty cat kao anis to depict his daily moods.

You should set up an independent state called "Pontiac Firebird".

Other links:
Kim Jong Il's North Korea Fan Club!
BBC profile.

Speaking of Live Journal, is this boy pretty or what? I'd kill for those cheekbones.