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Temptation
 I feel like Frank from Hellraiser right now. The scene in Hellraiser II in which Frank can see these two naked women writhing under a sheet but then when he tries to touch them, they disappear. It's like these opportunties present themselves to me but then, inevitably, something happens to take it away. Maybe I'm just too damn hopeful or something. Whatever it is, I feel like I'm going to go through another year of torture. Fuck, I need to get laid.
A New Decade
I was thinking the other day that my end of decade years always suck smelly balls. I really seem to come into my own at the beginning of a decade. I always weigh less, I always have a new, enjoyable job and I always seem to be able to get laid. So it is with that realization that I actually welcome this, the beginning of my 4th decade of life. I weigh less than I did last year and I'm working hard on getting a new job. As for the getting laid, that will come once I truly feel happy again. And I know how I will find that happiness again - anonymity. I need to be able to pull into an anonymous apartment building parking lot and not be bombarded by bullshit. I'm determined that the beginning of this new decade of my life will be as happy as the rest have been and for that to happen, I need to get my shit in gear and get my own place again. Maybe then I'll feel like my new decade has finally begun.
Two days away from the Big 4-0
 And I'm still finding good reasons to hate people, such as: 1.) There is a surprise 40th birthday party for you and two of your friends aren't there because one person has told the person holding the party that "I won't go if they're invited." Whose birthday was it again? Oh yeah, mine. 2.) At the same party, as you're opening your gifts, your mother hands you a card and says: "We didn't get you anything but here's a card." Thanks, cheapskate. 3.) The next morning, you wake up hungover and get your period as an added bonus. Well, that's not really a reason to hate people, it's just a reason to hate life. But then again, Whe, Mr. Whe and their kids were at the party - it brought tears to my eyes when Mini-Whe jumped out from the living room yelling my name - and my nieces and my sister and brother were there too, so all was not lost. The big 4-0 is almost here and it doesn't feel as devestating as I imagined it would. It helps that I've dropped about 12 pounds since March - and I'm down to a size 9 for the first time in four years. And I can't tell you how many people have been shocked to hear I'm turning 40. Maybe people really aren't so bad afterall. Ah hell, who am I kidding, of course they are!
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