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monty python - lego style

Friday, August 27, 2004



Monty Python, Lego-style

Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot. He was not afraid to die, oh brave Sir Robin. He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways, brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin. He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp, or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken. To have his kneecap split, and his body burned away, and his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin. His head smashed in and heart cut out, and his liver removed, and his bowels unplugged, and his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off and his penis split...

You Know Who You Are

Thursday, August 26, 2004

Dedicated to the ones I hate:

Everything About You
Ugly Kid Joe

I, hate the rain and sunny weather,
and I, hate the beach and mountains too;
(and) I don't like a thing about the city, no, no and I, I, I, hate the country side too !

and I, hate everything about you !
.. everything about you !

I don't like a thing about your mother,
and I, I hate your daddy's guts too,
I don't like a thing about your sister, no, no
'cause I, I, I, think sex is overrated too.

and I, get sick when I'm around,
I, can't stand to be around
I, hate everything about you !
everything about you, everything about you,
everything about you

Some say I got a bad attitude,
but that don't change the way I feel about you,
If you think all this might be bringing me down,
look again cause I ain't wearin' no frown !

I don't really care about your sister
forget the little bitch 'cause I already kissed her
One thing that I did to your lady
put her on the bed and she didn't say maybe
I know you know everybody knows
the way it comes, the way it goes
you think it's sad well that's too bad
'cause I'm havin' a ball and never cared a thing about you

Everything about you, everything about you
I get sick when I'm around
I can't stand to be around
I hate everything about you

Can you tell I've got a cold, a headache AND I'm PMSing?

Dude writes like a lady

Monday, August 16, 2004

The Gender Genie is an Internet tool used to predict the gender of an author. I used it on all our posts from May to now. It decided that half my posts were written by a man, and half by a woman. All of BeX's posts were apparently written by a man. I knew that girl was hiding a penis somewhere.

Try it on your own writing and share your results.

A Friday The 13th Confession

Friday, August 13, 2004

On Friday the 13th, I become Bex The Bolt!


I want to be a supervillain: If the average human being only uses about 37 per cent of his or her brain in an entire lifetime, I think I’m using about 40.

I claim at least one percentage point for the simple fact that I'm a Slider (no, I can't slide into other dimensions like on the TV show) which means I am able to affect electricity with my brainwaves. Light bulbs sometimes pop when I walk into a room, street lights commonly go out when I walk underneath them, especially if I'm angry. I’m usually not shutting down lights on purpose, although occasionally, by sheer force of will, I can look up at a street light and *poof* - the light goes boom. It's like I unleash a sort of lightening rod from my brain that emanates to the socket.

This is a talent I’ve had for years and I’m pretty damn proud of it. As of today, though, I'm going to claim another 2 per cent because I have discovered a whole new power inside of me.

I'm not psychic - I can't predict the future. But it seems I can change the future, if I concentrate on it hard enough. I've discovered, especially over the past couple of weeks, that I can make bad things happen to people I don't like. Not terrible bad things, just minor bad things.

It's Friday the 13th and all week long I've been concentrating on something bad happening to my boss on this very day. She was supposed to fly home from England and I wanted something to happen to the airplane. I didn't want the plane to crash or anything, because I would feel guilty for the rest of my life (or at least the rest of the day) so I just wanted something to happen so she wouldn't get home.

Well guess what? She's not on a plane home today, stupidly, she forgot a major piece of identification and they would not let her on her flight. She'll be stuck in another country for the entire weekend and won't be back in the office until Tuesday at the earliest.

I wouldn't have thought much of this, except for the fact that about two weeks ago, I concentrated on the idea/hope that my grandmother would not be at my parent's 40th Anniversary party. Again, I didn't want anything terrible to happen, I just didn't want her at the party, because she can't stand me and I can't stand her. As it turned out, my grandmother had to go into the hospital for a couple of days due to dehydration. She's fine now but was unable to make the party. SCORE!

About three years ago, I was supposed to fly to Atlanta with my former boss to attend a trade show. A week before we were to leave, I kept hoping, wishing and concentrating on the idea that somehow he would miss the plane. On the day of the flight, as I sat in a row by myself as the plane taxied on the runway before takeoff, I realized that my wish had come true - he had missed the flight.

Was it just a coincidence or did I will it to happen?

I'm thinking I should try concentrating on good things and willing them to happen. But when I really think about it, being a little bit evil is a lot more fun. And who knows, maybe if I combine Sliding with will power, I could shoot down my enemies with bolts of electricity, on Friday the 13th.

A little something for Bob

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Runway Flash: My husband mentioned a co-worker was nearly heartbroken when The Simple Life went off the air last week.

I figured he must be a big fan of Paris "That's hot" Hilton but, no, he seems to be one of the few out there who actually prefers sexy bitch Nicole Ritchie.

I remembered stumbling across this picture on the Internet, and figured he might enjoy it. This one's for you, Bob.

Here's hoping one of Nicole's ex lovers from her herion-shooting days comes out with a sex video you can enjoy.

May all others forgive me.


...


Yes, that includes you, Jackie.



La la la la la la la

Could life get any better? Well, of course it could. I have PMS; my house is slightly torn up while my husband replaces our knob and tube wiring; I have a raging headache; my 21-month-old daughter keeps waking up in the middle of the night and crying for at least an hour.

BUT my son's best friend (a six-year-old from Hell) has been gone since Saturday afternoon, staying with his father at a rented cottage. No knock on my door every morning at eight as he lies that his mother gave him permission to eat breakfast at our house. No knock on the door again at nine as he feigns an apology for fighting with my son. No afternoon visits disturbing my daughter's nap. Hell, the only person who's been at my door has been the mailman.

I'm lovin' it!

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