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Friday, September 20, 2002

Won't Get Fooled Again I, Dubya: So United States' Emperor George W. Bush is determined to attack Iraq come hell or high water. The rest of the world is basically crying out "NO WAR!" as strongly and as loudly as possible (with the exception of Bush's Shadow, British PM Tony Blair), but it seems old Dubya ain't listening.

"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." —George W. Bush, Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002.

I can imagine Saddam Hussein was shaking in his boots when he heard that one, that is, if he could understand it. Meanwhile, Iraq is accusing the United States of wanting a war for no reason other than taking over their vast oil fields.

Who, Me? You can't fool me.Well no shit. But it seems obvious the U.S. is after more than oil. It's no secret that Dubya and company want to oust Saddam so they can set up another little puppet regime for themselves, just like the one they've got going in Afghanistan. All this empire-building seems vaguely familiar - especially to anyone who has studied ancient history, specifically ancient Roman history.

Which has got me wondering - were Roman Emperor's just as moronic as Dubya?

Take Caligula (37-41 A.D.) for example. Caligula used to invite his horse Incitatus to dinner at his home, where he would proceed to offer the horse golden barley and wine from golden goblets. He swore by the animal's life and fortune and even promised to appoint him consul, which luckily never came to pass as Caligula died shortly after that he made that promise.

Claudius (41-54 A.D.) is another fine example of ancient Roman leadership. Claudius was the subject of frequent insults. When he took his usual after-dinner nap, those in his company would pelt him with olives and date stones. Others would put slippers on his hands as he lay snoring and then give him a sudden lash with a whip or cane to wake him up, so that he would end up rubbing his eyes with his slippers. I wonder if Cheney or Rumsfield have ever tried that trick on Dubya?!

So as it turns out, Rome had a lot more in common with the United States than just empire building. And Dubya really should have studied Roman history because he would be aware of what happened to the Roman Empire in the end - sadly, it fell.


Sunday, September 08, 2002

  • We've got a new addition to the family. No, I haven't given birth yet -- not due for another six, long, miserable weeks (yeah, yeah, the pregnant are allowed to bitch, so SHUT UP!). The new addition is to our blog family. We've always enjoyed starvingkitty's contributions to the message boards, and she has finally agreed to write for the site.
  • In other big news, we are now a dot com, baby!! Thanks to our beloved Godfader who, unlike us pathetic slobs, actually has CREDIT, we can now be found at WeHateEveryone.com. We really need to find some way to thank him for all he's done for us. He has never failed to show us support when we're in trouble. What more can you ask for in a man?

    +++


    My baby's father came home this afternoon and noticed that I had the tea kettle set up and a tea bag in a cup, but absent-mindedly forgot to pour hot water into the cup. He wanted to know what the strange-looking teabag was, and I explained it was Red Raspberry Leaf tea, which helps tone the uterus and is good for childbirth.

    "I thought what we did last night helps tone the uterus," he said, in a rooster-like reminder that we had sex the night before.

    "No, I believe that tones the cervix, not the uterus. That's important too, though."

    "Glad to be of cervix," he said.


    Monday, September 02, 2002

    Bathroom Break, Boss?Being A Receptionist Is A Pain In The Ass: If I didn't need the weekly salary so badly I would have quit my current job by now.

    The girl who trained me, and who I am temporarily replacing while she helps out another department, is a snipey little bitch. She constantly betlittles me and basically gets pissed off anytime I do a good job at something she used to do. I really should tell her at some point that I will be quite happy to hand over her shitty job back once my temp contract there is over.

    There is always, always, ALWAYS some jackass up at your desk asking for something: "Can I have a notebook? Can I have a pen?" I'm dying to say: "Do I really have to open the locked supply cabinet just to get you a fucking pen?"

    And the phone won't ring for 20 minutes and then everyone decides to call at the same goddamn time, like 15 calls within two minutes. Here's how most calls usually go: "Can you page so-and-so?" When it turns out they don't answer the page. "I'm sorry, he didn't answer his page, I think he stepped out of the office." The answer: "Can you page him again?" My wishful response: "No, you fucking twat, your husband is not answering the page. Can you not wait until he gets home or do you have nothing better to do all day long?"

    My work day starts at 7 a.m. People who work there keep telling me I'll get used to the early hours. Getting up at 5:30 a.m. has never exactly been my thing. It's been three weeks and I'm not used to it yet. I don't want to get used to it. EVER.

    The very worst part of the job though is having to always ask someone to cover reception so I can take a piss. It reminds me of in the movie Shawshank Redemption where Red works in a grocery store and is constantly asking: "Bathroom break boss?" The manager gives him a funny look and says: "You don't have to ask my permission to take a piss?" I should be so lucky!

    Of course, then there's the security guard who was in before my shift last week who didn't bother to get permission and just pissed in the garbage can. Discovering the foamy yellow liquid in there that morning just added to my delight with the job. Because being a receptionist is not only a pain in the ass, it's a pain in the bladder.

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